This week has been particualry difficult, I had a really bad flare up with my gastroparesis and nearly had to go to the hospital because of it. Thankfully late last night it calmed down enough so that I didn't have to go. 

Still in alot of pain but there's not alot I can do other then let pass its course. 

It's frustrating since my family keeps pushing me about going out with them or what not ( Like my mother wants to make a trip tomorrow to see her mother, it's about a 2 hour drive there and back- if traffic isn't shotty.) even though they know I'm not in a place where I can. I don't know i'm just sick of everything, its the same cycle day in and day out.

since i've gotten back into writing it's helped give me something to do, my classes don't start until March 22nd (even then it's mostly online classes) so if i'm not writing or doing something to keep myself busy I feel like i'm just spinning my wheels but i'm not going anywhere.

it's been so long since i've consistenly written like i've been doing and I feel like i've lost my talent for it and that I'm just wasting my time. ugh, I don't know. I'm really trying not to sound like i'm complaining, things are just very dark for me right now and I feel weary, lost and alone. I feel unseen and one day i'll just fade like smoke.

I guess all I can do is keep taking it day by day like I've always done, It's been raining all day, though I love rainy days and find them comforting it also kind of locks me my mind and all I can do is think until i'm exhausted,

Nothing else to say really, will probably write more later and for now listen to music (medicine for the soul) and try to rest while the pain isn't so bad. Hope everyone stays safe and that you're having a day/night. 

Take care of yourselves🖤🖤