I actually don't know from where to start, or how to explain everything accurately, but I guess I just have to do this since I owe an explanation to all the lovely readers who have been constantly supporting me and my stories for a long time. 

So the thing is, the forces that have driven me to take the decision, was not formed over night. It's a result of a constantly-growing long-term effect. 

I think I have already mentioned quite a few times, that I am hella insecure person, specially regarding my writing skills. (I know some people will disagree, or even feel upset at me because apparently I have had a fair amount of people telling me that my writing is kinda okay. But the problem is, no matter what others say, sometimes it's not easy to fight your own monsters.)

I am someone who needs regular doses to keep my insecurities at bay. 

So, the main reason behind my decision was growing insecurities caused by constantly falling feedbacks. (I am really grateful to those who had always been kind enough to leave encouraging feedbacks, due to their nonstop support, I could last THIS long. Otherwise, I would've probably taken this step a long time ago.)

I have been trying to coax myself with various explanation as to 'why' the quantity and in some case quality of feedbacks have been decreasing day by day (in case of Heal me, the decrease was chapter by chapter, since this is the only fic I try to update regularly!). But at the end of the day, my insecurities win and I end up feeling like there's something wrong with my writing? Like, people are not enjoying what I write like they used to do in the past?

I know no matter how good a story is, there'd always be a major portion of readers who would remain *silent*. So I am not even talking about 'them' here. It's that, once you're used to a certain amount of feedbacks, you will definitely feel something is terribly wrong with your writing in the recent chapters, if the amount of responses suddenly start decreasing. 

That's what I have been feeling and fighting with during the past month(s). [What makes it even worse, that recently, I have been able to being a little more satisfied with a chapter's outcome after writing it, and I myself would think that I did an averagely good job; but then when I don't get expected return of feedbacks, the reality slaps back harder into my face. My confident about writing or about that supposedly 'good' chapter goes down the drain.]

I have always believed that if the quality is somehow good, feedbacks will come automatically. And to be very honest, I DON'T like specifically asking for feedbacks at every single chapter, it feels really really awkward and annoying, and ofc embarrassing. I am sure some readers also feel annoyed if they see me asking for feedbacks after every chapter by saying that amount of feedbacks have been disappointing or something like that.  

So in a way, I am tired of asking for feedbacks to feed my insecurities. Have finally accepted that maybe writing or stuffs isn't for me, be it a simple fanfic or whatever. 

Tho I can't deny that I love writing. And I have always gotten such advise whenever I had expressed my feelings towards the 'lack of feedback' issue, that, "Write for yourself/Write because you love it, don't get bothered by others/Don't stop doing something you love just because of some people". So maybe yeah, I won't stop writing. But I am not going to offer them @ public anytime sooner, and let my insecurities increase the stress and depression in me. 

I tend to take breaks when things get overwhelming in life. And maybe this time, it will last for a longer time...idk exactly! I feel really really apologetic to my regular readers and supporters; so maybe for them, I will dare to undraft my stories once I feel like I have taken enough break to function with the negativities again. 

And I am not going to deactivate even tho it's quite tempting of an option, since I am a reader myself before being a writer. Kind of thankful for the situation, since now I can go back to my "Full-time reader" mode and can read the wonderful stories out there and render more support since I haven't been able to do so due to being busy with my own fics. ^^

So that's it from me. I deeply apologize to my regular supporters. I will keep fighting to my inner negativities, so that I can return someday. I hope at least a few people will still be out there, waiting for me. And if not, I am fine either way.  

Thank you for reading, thank you for caring.

 Sorry, that I wasn't in the state to reply you all's dms/questions. 

Sorry, that I failed.

Stay safe & healthy. Bye ❤

                                                  ______

 (Extra)

(Nothing necessary. Just some of my personal feelings and thoughts towards the recent situation)

I want to talk about something, and it will be very rude, but I do wanna share it despite. 

After I had drafted all of my stories, I received some dms and wallposts, friend requests as well. And surprisingly enough, most of the user ids are UNKNOWN to me (I tend to remember id names that have communicated me through comments or some other way even for a few times).

 Meaning, most of them are those who have never vocally appreciated my efforts (even after I had shamelessly shared about my insecurities and struggles in the past for a few times), or had rarely left any feedbacks. 

So, suddenly those *unknown user ids' caring questions and sudden concern towards my well-being felt REALLY weird to me tbh. It felt like unknown people from the roads are suddenly coming to me, asking whether I am okay or not. And it made me feel nothing but upset/triggered/disappointed. (Due to this, I even had ignored the known readers, SORRY!)

 I felt like, they reached out only because they just want the stories back, so that they can continue reading and perhaps enjoying in silent. Since I am in a very negative state of mind rn, to me it actually felt like, there's lack of authenticity in their sudden *caring gestures. (I know some of my haters are here, and they might again wear their coward veil, and attack me on CC saying that I am rude, ungrateful and stuffs. But I don't give a single damn to them, no one owns me or knows me. I will keep being straight forward, and point out things that make me uncomfortable like I have been doing. Thank you.)