Hi guys! Its been a while since I've written another brag or rant about life so I'm writing one today haha! uhm, actually, I'm caught up in a situation right now and I consider this thing as a concern. 

after reading this, I won't mind whether you criticize or judge me though I would really appreciate it if you vocalize and comment what you think about this content, I really need someone to talk to right now but I can't tell my mother or older sister about it. (T^T)

So, here goes...

First of all, I'm a simple minded person. How simple minded am I? Well, to the extent of choosing among my fingers what to do (do you guys get what I'm saying? XD). For example, there are two snacks that I love both but I'm broke, thus I'm only supposed to buy one. Then there's my older sister with me, so I'll ask her to choose which one to buy. How? Simple, by choosing between my index and middle fingers which had names of the snacks. I'm not even joking, I'm really doing this guys (I dont even cheat).

See that? that's how simple minded I am. I don't fuss over things like most people do. If somebody made a mistake, I'll immediately look for remedies or alternatives to make it right. 

So, it's safe to say that I'm a nonchalant person. However, just recently, there is this happening that I know finger-choosing wouldn't be able to solve. 

At work, there is this guy that was interested in me (I'm not even trying to brag). Truthfully, I don't get what he saw in me, for liking me, I'm not even pretty. I discovered through a friend, who is also his friend when they chatted online. I was just supposed to ignore this and act like nothing happened (since he didn't told me about it personally) but then, heat happened next is what broke me and my trust with my friends. 

Often times, he and I are being paired up and teased just to make fun of us, back in the old days (pssh, actually not so old XDDD but in the past hahaha). This would always make me feel uncomfortable because I'm not into those kind of things, though people misunderstands and thinks that 'something's brewing'. I'm not inclined to romantic relationships and fluttery feeling because I still think I'm a baby and the idea of relationships doesn't excite me at all. 

If he was looking for friendship, I could give him that, gladly. But if he's asking for more than that, I'm sorry but I dont think I'm the one he's looking for. 

So now, what's with my friends? it's this. 

All of them knew about this, but nobody told me. I'm not getting mad because of this, but what makes me so work up, was the fact that they were giving the guy false hopes. Like he could go court me and such because they think that there's 'sparks'. Like, they didn't even ask me for my side in this thing. 

Another, there was a time that a very close friend of mine (I'm getting emotional just by thinking) chat me online, asking for pictures of mine. And since it's lockdown, I thought she was missing terribly as I was missing them too. I was actually sending her photos but then, the signal forbid me from doing so and I was very frustrated during that time and felt very guilty because I can't give her what she wants. I mean, it's just a simple photo but I can't send her some. So, I apologized to her over and over. 

Soon after that happening, I learned from another friend that 'the guy' was asking for photos of me from my friend from the earlier incident, because he said that all of my SNS photos were already saved in his phone (is he some kind of a stalker, really?). My world crashed down knowing that (T.T), and I felt very much betrayed. She was my friend and she knows how much I'm not into relationships and romance and yet there she was, acting cupid annoyingly (sorry for the term but that's the only word I could use to describe what she's doing). She's also younger than me so I felt disrespected with what she did. 

Come to think of it, maybe the signal was God's way of helping me out. (TT^TT)

Thank you Papa God!!!

Another, can I tell you guys? After knowing that he saved my SNS photos, I became afraid of posting new ones since then. It's been a while since I've posted one and I'm not planning to post one any time soon. 

Also, she told me that the guy joined us in our vacation once because of me. 

Wait, have I told you that we belong to the same circle of friends? 

Yes, we do, as well as the friends mentioned in here. 

We belong to the same circle of friends so that's the reason why I'm feeling betrayed by people around me. 

Because they're supposed to be my friends! 

Going back to the vacation thingy, last year, me and my friends (including him) went on a vacation to the northern part of our country. 

He told the other friends he came along because he wants to spend some time with me. 

I don't even know why they were telling me all these when I don't even care (again sorry for the term). 

I don't know how to tell him about what I feel actually. I don't like him, not in that way, and I want to tell him this personally as I don't want to give him any false hopes but then I don't know ho because heck, he didn't even told me his feelings personally. It's not even pride talking, I just simply don't know how to tell him. 

Enough with the guy now. There's more? Yep, there is. Truth be told, I felt more down thinking about what my friends did rather what the guy has done (including the photo saving and such) and I'm not even sure whether I could trust them anymore or not. I've talked to them about this already because I don't like keeping hurtful feelings towards my friends, but then they seems like they simply don't care. 

about me or my feelings. 

She would even bring the topic up and just blabber on and on. 

I've been thinking about this the past nights and asked my older sister to give me a hug because I want to tell her what's on my mind but she refused (-_-) typical of her. I went to my mom but she did the same. 

So now, I'm right here instead, seriously needing someone to talk to or enlighten me. I want to escape, but I don't want to wimp up. Not knowing what to do anymore, I humbly ask for your thoughts about this matter, hope you guys could help me. 

Thank you and have a nice day ahead! 

laidbacknewbie