Why I Disappeared for so long


Hi, I'm sorry I left without a word.

I apologize I stop updating for too long, I know many of you are anticipating my stories, I saw all the messages you guys left me, I’m thankful for all of them. And finally, I thought you guys should know what happened, and is happening, around me. 

The events haunted me until today, I finally find the courage to type as my mental state has finally become more stable.

I just want to clarify that I'm not intended to talk about political matters here, and I’m not intended to offend anyone since I know some people are pretty sensitive about these matters. I don’t want any argument and any judgement on this website, I saw this website my safe haven. I’m sorry if my own thoughts and feelings provoked anyone. And I'll take this post down after a while for safety reasons. Truth nowadays is expensive.

I'm sorry if the explanation is long.

Today’s topic is what’s ‘right and wrong’. This is a subjective matter, everyone has different definition about ‘right and wrong’. Not everything could be defined as clear as this, they might be located in the grey areas, in the middle between these two categories. The only thing that helps us differentiate things into these categories is by law. It supposed to ensure justice in the world, to indicate that justice should be impartial.

It should be.


Ever since 1997, when Hong Kong was returned to China by Britain, the Communist government did so many attempts to make Hong Kong fall under Communist control. It’s hard at first, and why is that? It is because after the 99 years of being the colonial city of Britain, Hong Kong is so different from China in terms of language and culture. The different is HUGE, as if it’s two distinct places.

First is the language. Hong Kong people speak Cantonese, while Chinese speak Mandarin/Putonghua. These two languages have a total different pronouncing system. Therefore, it’s so difficult for Chinese to speak Cantonese or the other way round. And for Hong Kong, being the long-standing bilingual society, people tend to speak with a little English in a sentence, this has become a habit and a special feature in the Cantonese language. Here is a K-pop example. Some of you might wonder why you’ll see NCT’s Lucus has two different full names, ‘Wong Yuk Hei’ and ‘Huang Xu Xi’. Both names are based on his Chinese name ‘黃旭熙’, it’s just these two names are based on different pronunciation. ‘Wong Yuk Hei’ is Cantonese (the one written in his Hong Kong identity card), while ‘Huang Xu Xi’ is Chinese Pinyin, those who speak Mandarin would call him that. 

Not only that, Hongkongers (Hong Kong people) write in Traditional Chinese, while people in China write in Simplified Chinese (It was promoted by Communist government to encourage literacy from 1955, and was widely used afterwards in the Mainland China and other countries like Singapore and Malaysia, etc. because it’s much easier to learn than Traditional Chinese characters) A K-pop example would be Got-7’s Jackson, his name in Traditional Chinese would be ‘王嘉爾’ and his name in Simplified Chinese is ‘王嘉尔’. 

And also, there are great differences in terms of cultural, lifestyle, people’s personality as well, but this is not the main point of this post. I’m not implying which culture or language is greater or better than one another, NO. I just want to state the difference to those who don’t understand and didn’t hear anything about this subject before. It’s awesome to have different features and just to be different from each other because that’s what makes those cultures attractive. Every culture is unique, each of them has its own reason to exist in the world.  


Since then, the Chinese government tried many measures to intensify the fusion of the two cultures. After years of boiling the frog, Beijing did pretty much successfully. As now Hong Kong has become a trilingual society - people speak Cantonese, English, and Mandarin, and more and more people accept Mainland China’s culture. However, this only brings more problems into society, results in huge conflict between Hong Kong and Mainland China.

Relations between people in Hong Kong and mainland China have been relatively tense since the early 2000s. Various factors have contributed, including different interpretations of the "one country, two systems" principle; policies of the Hong Kong and central governments to encourage mainland visitors, immigrants to Hong Kong; and the changing economic environment. More broadly, there exists resentment toward Mainland China-Hong Kong convergence or assimilation, and toward perceived interference from mainland China in Hong Kong's internal affairs.

For example, they want to replace Cantonese with Mandarin. The government require schools to use Mandarin to teach the Chinese language instead of Cantonese, which is Hong Kong people’s mother language, claims of using Mandarin will increase student’s writing ability……. This was conducted for a few years, resulting in fewer and fewer people know how to speak Cantonese. Lately, the government even claims that Cantonese is not the official language in Hong Kong… They want to eliminate Hong Kong’s cultural influence.

And that’s when things start to turn upside down and become abnormal.

In order to fasten the assimilation process, the HK government decided to launch the ‘extradition law’ last summer. But actually, the Hong Kong government is just a puppet of the Communist government of China, since the Chief Executive of HK is directly announced by the Chinese government. Hongkongers never have the right to vote our own Chief Executive, never have universal suffrage.

So what is the ‘extradition law’?

The background story of this law is:

- An HK guy travelled to Taiwan with his girlfriend for a vacation. 

- In the process, he found his girlfriend had been cheated on him.

- He argued with his girlfriend and eventually killed her.

- Then he went back to HK à Both Hong Kong and Taiwan government are not willing to arrest him.

- Eventually, the HK government announced this law to the public, claiming that with this law, every criminal is going to be exported to China and get their own punishment.

And for Hong Kong citizens, after so many things happened, many people know it’s just the sugar-coating from the government. What is hidden behind the law is: if the government think you’re guilty, even if there’s no evidence, they will cook up a false charge against you, and still take you to jail first while exporting you to China directly. Therefore, it shows that the HK citizens are no longer protected by the rule of law in Hong Kong, instead, you will need to follow the law in China. If you show any tiny bit disrespect to the country, you will easily be charged the ‘subversion of state power’ by the Chinese government. That means the "one country, two systems" principle which China agreed with Britain was broken.

That’s why all the protests and demonstrations in HK begins.

At first, two millions of HK citizens started to protest and do demonstrations against the law peacefully. However, the government didn’t give a damn.

They arranged the police to cast the protesters out brutally with pepper spray and fired rubber bullet directly into people’s head and eyes when people were demonstrating peacefully. Then the largest television channel in the city started to help the government to broadcast fake news to the public, they called the peaceful protesters as ‘rioters’, condemn protesters for using ‘violence’ and ‘attacked the police’. And that’s working, many people in the older generation trusted those fake news and started to hate the younger generation for that because the protesters are mainly students and youngsters.

Because the government still didn’t listen to people, the protesters’ action was elevated such as blocking the airport to force the government to answer to their ‘Five Major Demands’. And the police then started to murder citizens in the public, which makes Hongkongers lost trust in the Hong Kong police completely.


The ‘Five Major Demands’ includes: 

1) Complete Withdrawal of the Extradition Bill

2) Release of arrested protesters without charges 

3) Withdrawal of the characterisation of all protests as "riot"

4) Independent investigation into police brutality

5) Implementation of full universal suffrage  


Until now, the government had not yet answered to any of the demand above, they are still using armed suppression to the citizens by the police instead. The judiciary system didn’t find any problem in the police’s actions. Therefore, Hong Kong's separation of executive, legislative, and judicial powers has broken and became a military state. 


Now, let’s see what the government considered as ‘right’. 

I summed up the police brutality: (not all have been listed because there are too much)

1) Shooting bean bag bullets directly to several female protesters’ eye, causing permanent blindness.

2) Brutally beaten up the arrested protesters.

3) Planting fake evidence on protesters in order to slander them as 'rioters' (putting sharp bamboo into protester's backpack).

4) Disguise as demonstrators to take the lead. 

5) Shoot tear gas bullets at the protestors right outside MTR subway station at a distance of less than one meter. 

6) Pushing down civilians on the elevators in the subway station.

7) Cooperated with gangsters, allowing them chasing up and beating protestors and innocent civilians on the street.

8) Hit unarmed pregnant woman with the gangsters, causing the woman suffered from a miscarriage. Elderlies has been hit by them also. 

9) Launching tear gas canisters in MTR stations at civilians. 

10) Launching tear gas canisters outside of the elderly home and nearby residences.  

11) A grade 11 student was shot directly with a live bullet in a very close distance. It resulted in the boy in a critical situation in which the bullet is only 3 cm from his heart.

12) ually harassment and .

Here's a direct quote from a university student in HK:

"Do you know that we were being scolded by foul language, and our(protestor) phones were being taken away and turned off by polices when we get caught? Do you know that during the detention, we were trampled on by the police? We had to go where they tell us, go into any black rooms as they wish, and take off our clothes if they ask us to. Do you know that some of us still need to seek for medicine service, because of polices' violence? Do you know that the detention room in San Uk Ling holding centre(detention centre located in a remote area, a few hundred metres from the border crossing facility between Hong Kong and China) has no light at all? Do you know that not just me had been ually violent by the police? I was not the only one who experienced ual assault in San Uk Ling holding centre. The police had done the same to others regardless of their gender. The staffs just stood by and did nothing when we were hit by the police. During the detaining process, we are completely under their control and lack of any human rights."

13) Girls confirmed to be pregnant after being by the police. 

14) Shoot unarmed youngster by real gun. 

15) Gun pointed to passengers.

16) Drove police bike to the crowd to kill.

17) Shot tears gas in primary school.

18) Shot tear gas in the university campus. University besieged by reckless police. Never had this happen: the police raided into campus sports ground, arresting students, one was beaten to unconscious when arrested. Another student was shot in the chest. Multiple universities have turned into a battleground and students against the police in order to protect their school. 

19) Multiple journalists got attacked and arrested by the police. A photojournalist being reportedly grazed the head by a projectile.

20) Over 2000 death bodies are showing up, and the police claim at the scene that the cases were initially classified as suicides or as cases with no suspicious circumstances surrounding the death. When we all know that's a big lie, a young man dies in dubious circumstances and it is proved that the police has lied publicly about the case. 

21) Many families had been ‘disappeared’ or ‘committed suicide’ suddenly. 


Protecting human right is what the government considered ‘wrong’. 


What the Chinese Communist government feared the most is actually people crowded together to protest. Therefore, they didn’t gain people freedom, especially freedom of speech. People in Mainland China couldn’t use Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, Google, etc. The government controlled all the social media in China, and the news is all censored. The government depicted the protest of the HK to the Chinese as “the teenagers of HK are terrorist, their aim is to fight for the independence of HK.” And this ignites all the fires and anger of the Mainland China people, since everyone had been taught by the government to love China the country; had been taught China is the strongest and the best in the world, had been taught that Hong Kong and Taiwan belong to China. As long as all the fake news they received, they show strong resentment and hatred to Hong Kong people. I couldn’t really blame them though, because they live inside the wall and receive fake news and censorship from the moment they born. Critical thinking is what these people are lacking, and with that, they are much easier to control by the government.

What angered me the most is the people living outside the wall. They have the freedom to choose which information to receive. Instead, they choose to believe those fake news and condemn those people who protest… Those who protest have scarifies their life for the future, for the next generation of Hong Kong. Yet they don’t care, they supported the police brutality, blamed those people disturbed their peaceful life. All they care about are money, status, power.

Even when the Hong Kong police attempt to murder Hong Kong citizens, they choose not to believe in them.


I saw many people died.

Classmates were arrested.

Blood is everywhere.

Death is so close. 

Fake news.




When ‘Black’ and ‘White’ couldn't be differentiated. 

When ‘Right’ becomes ‘Wrong’, and vice versa.

Suddenly, the scene from ‘1984’ by George Orwell has all become reality.

There was a guy once told me that we are using our head to slam on the hard rock, the rock doesn’t break, but we are. 

Yes, of course, we know. 

But what about all the lives who sacrificed for this?

People can live in an alternative universe and pretend nothing happened, we can’t do that. Our hearts won’t let us.

Habit is a horrible thing, we can’t simply get used to all the brutality and unfairness we received.


Here's the instagram captures from @joselopesamaral, a journalist from Luxembourg and Portugal.



And now for the Wuhan coronavirus, for political reasons, our government still keep the Mainlanders to come in HK, and announced they can enjoy free medical service in HK.  

Yes, you can’t use rationality to see the government anymore.

When the society is so ridiculous and absurd, this is the first time I found being a Hongkonger so pathetic.

I used to be so proud of my city.

As being a history major, I know all people are suffered from politics, no matter which generation you’re at. In front of politics, we’re just one tiny chess on the chessboard.


But please don’t worry, I’m safe and sound. 

I’m not typing all these to get any sympathy and compassion. I write to inform and explain to those who truly cared about me. And I think I owe my readers an explanation also, so here I am now with this post. I just want to show how these incidents affected me. I accept and respect all opinions, and it’s okay if you share other stance with me, but as I mentioned earlier, I don’t want to discuss political matters, or argue with anyone. Please respect everyone on this website. It took a very long time to convince myself to type this. I respect everyone. 

I'm not a confident person, I always doubted myself, writing stories is one of the ways I wanted to show myself what I'm capable of, and what my passion is. For my friends: I'm grateful I met so many amazing people here, it really warms my heart. For my readers: I assure you I’m going to continue all my stories, I plan to finish the ongoing ones, and start new stories after. But of course, there are still some other reasons to keep my hiatus, I still need to write my final year thesis because it’s my final year of university.

Nonetheless, please stay healthy and happy :) I’ll be back with the updates I promise. 


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Holy . I got chills reading this. Thank you for being such a brave, incredible individual. Please stay safe. I am rooting for you. I care about you.
Please stay safe. You are a very brave soul for fighting for your rights. I feel overwhelmed with this post, but the same intense emotions are what should be when we want to fight for justice. Be healthy and stay safe. Thank you for the explanation and post for us readers.
taeligram #3
I'm sorry these had to happen to your city, makes me realise how ungrateful we are in life. Thank you for your courage to type this to us. Just to let you know I love you and you're the most wonderful human being on earth. I wish I could do anything to keep you safe. Please be safe. Forget those duties in your life, just, please be safe.
fangirl01230 #4
There always people who supported you and your work are amazing, your stories bring me happiness, although I'm dying waiting for your updates, don't push yourself and rest more, we understand:) Please be healthy and happy too authornim~
iamzero #5
My heart is broken while reading this... TT Please take a good care of yourself, you're so strong and brave!
omg that's so horrible! i'm sorry for everything! please take care of yourself, i'm hope everything will be better!
don't worry about the update anymore, your health is the most important