NAME : go haneul

BIRTHDAY & AGE : november 5, 2000 (19)

NICKNAMES: 

【 SKYE 】 when haneul was in america, she quickly found out that having an english name would make her life a whole lot easier, so she chose skye, a direct translation of her korean name ( well, sky is but she liked the spelling of skye more ), as her english name. since her debut, her english name had become a sort of ironic nickname used to mock her and her status within the company ( "skye's the limit!" she's heard countless people complain behind her back. "if you aren't skye then good luck getting the promotion you need." )

【 DM'S DAUGHTER 】 it's obvious to the public how much special treatment haneul gets over everyone else in the group, and she is labelled dm's daughter because of this. she isn't really bothered about this nickname, and she playfully accepts this name as well, introducing herself as such. alternatives of this nickname are : jung haneul ( the ceo's surname is jung ) and dm's one pick.

ETHNICITY : korean

NATIONALITY : korean

BIRTHTOWN : tongyeong, south korea

HOMETOWN : los angeles, california, united states of america

FACECLAIM : son hyejoo, loona ( hwang yeji, itzy / lee chaeyoung, fromis_9 )

HEIGHT & WEIGHT : 170cm & 49kg

APPEARANCE : haneul isn't breathtakingly beautiful like the visual of the group is, but her appearance still catches people's attention when she walks into a room. she's attractive in her own way, with clear, porcelain skin, perfectly sculpted eyebrows and delicate features, but if you asked anyone, they would say that her best feature was her eyes. her eyes are charismatic and expressive, yet at the same time the sparkle in her eyes gives her a playful, almost mischievous quality. cute and y at the same time, she's someone you can't help but notice even without makeup, but her makeup artists bring her to a whole other level with vibrantly colored eyeshadow and false lashes that draw even more attention to her eyes. her hair is something that is paid extra attention by the stylists as well, her ever changing hairstyles and hair colors making her stand out from the other members of mode. she wouldn't say she likes this, but she knows that there's no way she can argue with the company either.

STYLE : much like her makeup and hairstyles, her clothing is often dictated by the company. she's often seen wearing more expensive clothing from bigger brands compared to the other members, and the colors she wears also differ largely from the rest of the group ( think jennie in blackpink ). she feels uncomfortable in the clothing she's told to wear, because it's so different from her normal clothing and she hates having to dress up for the sake of dressing up, but she knows that again, she has no say in whatever the company has decided for her. the only control she gets in her clothing is what she wears to the practice rooms and what she wears within the dorms. comfort is more important to her than style, and that's evident in the old sneakers that she would change into, the oversized shirts and hoodies she'd stolen from her brother the last time she visited him and the simple shorts and leggings she would wear.

PERSONALITY (N.)

❝ i never wanted to be the favorite.❞

/ / /

TRAITS:

charming, free-spirited, confident, principled, altruistic

perfectionist, self-reliant, ambitious, stubborn, proud

distant, cold, sensitive, reckless, insecure

PERSONALITY :

HANEUL'S PLAYLIST

1. FALSE CONFIDENCE - NOAH KAHAN

2. CASTLE - HALSEY

3. IDONTWANNABEYOUANYMORE - BILLIE EILISH

4. LONELY - NOAH CYRUS

TL;DR : haneul is confident and charismatic in front of her fans, obedient in front of the higher-ups in the company and it's obvious to everyone how much she loves doing what she does, but under all the playful comments and cheerful smiles hides a girl who thinks too much about everything and doesn't have the courage to face it herself.

SELF-RELIANT, AMBITIOUS, FREE-SPIRITED

"you know how i said i wanted to be an idol before?" haneul asks, staring at the ceiling of her cousin's room. she gets a small distracted hum as a response from hyunwoo and she sits up from her position on his bed, tossing a pillow at him when she realizes he wasn't paying attention before.

her cousin narrowly avoids the pillow, and he puts down his phone, waiting for her to continue. she takes the hint, pausing dramatically before speaking. "i sent an audition in," she says, before flopping down on his bed again, leaving the boy staring at her in shock, one eyebrow arched in surprise.

"you what now?"

"i sent an audition in. for dm entertainment," haneul replies, reaching out to pull one of her cousin's pillows close to her. a moment of silence passes, and she blinks at the ceiling fan, deep in thought. "do you think i made the right choice? i made the right choice, right? this is what i've wanted to do for ages."

"you haven't even asked–"

"yes i have and they're okay with it. i insisted." she feels a dip in the bed, and she rolls over to see that her cousin has now moved to sit on the bed as well. granted, it was his bed, and he could sit on it whenever he wanted, so she rolls back over, unbothered. "they want me to be happy and this is what makes me happy. i've been teaching myself how to rap for so long and now i've finally found somewhere where i can learn for real this time. i'm not going to let this opportunity go."

there's another moment of silence, and an audible sigh leaves hyunwoo's lips. "are you sure about this though? isn't it difficult? and you don't know if you're gonna make it."

"so? i'll never know if i can do it if i don't do it." haneul sits up, eyes shining with determination as she looks up at her cousin. "i'm going to make it and i'm going to be an idol no matter how difficult it is. i wanted to do this and i'm going through with this no matter what."

she knows it's a childish dream that probably won't come true, she knows she's being unreasonable, but at that time, in her mind, it seemed like the right thing to do. her cousin shrugs, knowing there's no real way to stop haneul now, and he ruffles her hair like one would do to a child.

haneul pouts, and chucks another pillow in his direction. "stop treating me like a child! we're the same age!"

CHARMING, CONFIDENT

go haneul was born for the stage. there wasn't much the higher-ups found themselves agreeing on, but the second the girl stepped into the audition room, chin held up high, confidence radiating from her every step and the brightest smile on her face, they knew immediately that they wanted her in their company. outgoing and self-assured, haneul was a breath of fresh air compared to the nervous, doubtful wannabe trainees they'd been looking at before, and they couldn't help but admit, though her rapping was not the best technically, and she was still lacking in her musicality, they couldn't help but look at her.

she was charming in the way that she answered every question they threw at her with so much genuine and seriousness even though some of the questions were formulated specifically to throw people off track, and she was unafraid to try anything they asked of her, even dancing for them despite having no previous training in dance ( her dancing needed work, but her amazing control over her facial expression took all their attention off her still very basic dance skills. right then they saw the potential this girl had compared to her other competitors ).

haneul left a strong impression on them, and it was no surprise that she ended up getting an offer from the company by the end of the day. the company saw potential in this girl, saw her undying will to make her dream come true, saw her confidence and raw ambition, but above all, they saw one other quality they didn't see from anyone else, regardless of how talented the other trainees for.

they saw her desperation, the possibility for this girl to be manipulated into the puppet they needed if they just gave her the chance to debut. they needed the company to succeed, and they needed someone who would willingly do anything they asked for the chance of her lifetime.

PERFECTIONIST, SENSITIVE

"she's not even that good," one of her fellow trainees comments as haneul passes them in the hallway. "she's mediocre at best and i don't understand why the company feels the need to spend that much cash on promoting her when she doesn't even deserve to debut at this point."

it takes everything in haneul not to freeze in her place, not to give in to the glares stabbing into her back like knives. she knows she isn't good enough. she knows she isn't worth it. she knows her rapping was not the best, her singing was acceptable and her dance skills were close to nonexistent when compared to the others. she knows she doesn't deserve the attention and she knows the company's just wasting their time promoting her. she's trying her best to improve, to be better, but somehow everything she does is still not enough.

she didn't ask to be the favorite. she never asked for her life to be thrown into the spotlight, for every move she makes, every word she says to be scrutinized by the other trainees, by the public, by the company. she feels as if she's walking on eggshells every day, and everyone around her just keeps telling her she's not good enough not good enough not good enough.

so she throws herself into hours of endless practice because she needs to be perfect. she needs to prove she's worth all the attention. she needs to make sure she doesn't disappoint the company. she needs to be the best.

she stops eating, stops sleeping, and spends all her time trying to perfect that one single movement, trying to hit that one single note so perfectly that nobody can argue with her about her abilities, trying to train her rapping to be faster, to be more precise. she does everything she can to make herself better, but half a year later, when she still hears the same comments about her, she breaks.

DISTANT, COLD

when the debut lineup is just starting to get finalized, within the first few days, it was obvious that despite haneul being with them all the time, there was this distance between them. she's optimistic, encouraging and playful around them, but there was still something that was off, and they could all feel it, because under all those smiles and perfect composure, they didn't know who she really was.

then she started getting more promotion and more schedules than the other girls in the group, and a noticeable wedge had begun to drive between her and the other members of the group, even predebut. haneul started to become withdrawn whenever the cameras were off, whenever nobody was looking, and some of the girls were quick to jump on the possibility of haneul thinking she was too good for them. it didn't help that haneul was always too busy to spend time with them, too busy to remember that she was still part of the group, and the fact that she seemed like a completely different person while they were being filmed, still laughing and joking with them as if she didn't spend most of her time building up this giant fortress between her and the girls, not letting them see her vulnerablities and not trusting them enough to do so.

they couldn't believe that haneul still couldn't let them in yet.

in reality, though, haneul avoided them not because she thought they were below her. she avoided them because she didn't know how to face them, because over time, it became blatantly clear that dm entertainment was planning to shove her in a position where she could outshine the other members. she couldn't stand in front of the other members knowing that the company is forcing her to steal their chances of being seen, steal their opportunities to become better, and she hates the overwhelming guilt that washes over her every time she even so much as glances over at one of the other girls.

it hurt to have to see the other vocals practicing day and night, only for the special feature in the song to go to haneul, or to know that the next comeback, the dancers will still have to give up their rightful spot in the center for her, someone who wasn't even that good at dance anyway. so the only thing she can do to relieve the deep remorse is avoid them, avoid seeing how hard they're trying, avoid seeing how much more they deserve the spotlight.

if she doesn't spend as much time around them, would the guilt fade away? so she kept staying away. she allowed herself to be misunderstood by the others, allowed the others to assume the worst of her, because being hated was better than being liked despite all she'd taken from the other girls. being hated would make her feel better about herself.

ALTRUISTIC, PRINCIPLED, RECKLESS

haneul doesn't even have to look up to know the rage filling up one of the company manager's eyes, and she tightens her grip around the hem of her skirt tightly, bunching the fabric up in hopes of making herself less nervous. she shouldn't have spoken up, she knows it's incorrect to speak up, especially since she's already complained about this before to their own group managers, but she knows it's the right thing to do.

it's been ages and nothing's changed. the only thing that has happened was her getting more and more schedules, and she's sure it's the company's way of punishing her for speaking up out of turn, but now she'd gotten the chance to talk to one of the higher ups of the company. she couldn't let this opportunity slide.

"what do you mean 'can you give some of my schedules to the other girls'?" the man sneers, voice cold. "how many times does someone have to tell you we don't get to decide who gets which schedule?"

her head snaps up at that, and the defiance in her eyes are obvious. it's not right that they're not letting anyone else get as much promotion as she does and it's not right she's overshadowing the other members because the company wants her to. "but they've trained so hard, manager-nim. they have to work so hard for attention but they're not getting any and you've got to be able to do something about this, right? you've got to be able to let them be seen someway. they deserve a big break and i don't know if it's just that the company can't see th–"

"the company isn't doing anything wrong!" the manager roars. haneul flinches, and she lowers her head again. "you keep blaming this on the company, but hasn't it crossed your mind that maybe you're the problem?"

she freezes, blood running cold and horror rushing through her veins as the manager continues to speak. she'd never thought of it as her fault, but the more she thinks about it, the more she's sure that the reason the rest of mode, her teammates, her sisters, can't get the spotlight they deserve. "do you really think we didn't want to give the opportunity to anyone else? the brands asked specifically for you. the other artists wanted to work with you. if you weren't here, who knows? maybe the others would have the chance you so desperately want them to have." and with that, the man leaves the room, slamming the door shut.

haneul buries her head in her hands. she was so, so useless.

STUBBORN, PROUD, INSECURE

haneul doesn't remember when she started despising the idol life. the pressure to be perfect, to never mess up a note, a dance move, a lyric was tiring enough, but the guilt of taking her members' well-deserved spotlight, the guilt of stealing what was meant for someone else, made it hard to get up every day feeling proud of who she is as a person. she tried to cue the other members in interviews, tried to tone down her presence in the room, even blatantly giving the others questions specifically directed at her, but nothing she did made the guilt go away.

she couldn't help but wonder where the old haneul went. the haneul that would smile because she wanted to, not because she had to. the haneul that allowed herself to be playful and childish rather than uptight and serious. the haneul that wore her heart on her sleeve, the haneul that found pleasure in the simplest of things, the haneul that allowed herself to be free, allowed herself to have fun. that haneul was gone.

she hated being an idol, but most of all, she hated being herself.

and the thing is, it would've all probably been fine if she had told someone her troubles, if she had stopped trying to distance herself from the other girls in order to make herself feel better, feel less guilty, but she wouldn't let herself be vulnerable. she wouldn't let herself be weak in front of the others, because her ego didn't allow her to.

she knew she had it the easiest out of all of them. she doesn't get to be sad about where she is now, she doesn't get to complain, doesn't get to feel bad because the one who has everything is never the one who gets to complain, feel sad, feel frustrated. she doesn't get to be unappreciative after all the company has done for her.

a knock on the door pulls her out of her thoughts, and she scrambles to her feet, wiping the tears off her cheeks before realizing she'd locked the door already, and nobody was going to walk in and see. weak, a voice in the back of her mind reminded. you shouldn't be crying over something that's your fault in the first place. 

"haneul? are you okay in there?" a voice calls from outside, and haneul draws in a shaky breath, trying to control herself. "you've been in there for a while now and they're calling for you."

"y-yeah. yeah. i'm good. sorry. i'll be out in two."

/ / /

TRIVIA :

【 languages 】 haneul speaks both english and korean fluently, but though she speaks relatively well in the seoul dialect, there are still hints of her satoori that is obvious when she speaks.

【 skinship 】 haneul loves skinship, and she's always seen clinging on to one of the other members. it's particularly out of character for her to do, but somehow the feeling of physical contact comforts her, and that's why she spends so much time hugging the other members, or linking arms with them. during the period of time where she starts to distance herself from the other girls, she tries to keep herself from having skinship with them, and that was the initial giveaway that the wedge between them was starting to grow.

【 fanservice 】 haneul is the queen of fanservice, always making sure her fans feel like they've been noticed. she knows how hard fans have to work to support them, and every spare moment she has, she's waving to the fans or blowing kisses in their direction.

【 jung PD-nim 】 haneul likes referring to their ceo 'minah eomma' for fun, and it feeds in even more to the idea that haneul is dm's daughter. haneul kind of reminds minah of herself, with her fierce determination, boldness and willingness to put herself out there for her dream, and she guesses that's why she made it a priority to debut haneul.

【 comments 】 haneul is the type of idol that would read through all the comments about her, whether they're good or bad, in order to find some sort of confirmation that she's doing enough, or find a way she could improve. it's not good for her self confidence in the long run, but she knows that the public generally gives her the best feedback, even if it's so so hurtful to read some of the comments.

【 social media 】 haneul is probably the one who posts on social media the most often, whether it be selcas, pictures of the other members or pictures of her pomeranian back home.

【 diets 】 haneul willingly puts herself on diets because when you're spending that much time in the public eye, there's no room for you to be flawed. haneul's diets are healthy, though, she swears.

【 first aid 】 haneul had to learn basic first aid in school, and so she's always the one who knows what to do when one of the members get hurt during practice.

【 sports 】 haneul is better at sports than she would like to admit, and she's a strong contender for the athletic activities at the isac. the new esports category is also something she would be good at.

【 special talents 】 haneul's really good at impressions, and she's always finding out new people she can impersonate on variety shows and things like that.

【 matchmaker 】 haneul absolutely loves playing matchmaker with the other members, especially if she knows they like a member of axiz since she gets a lot more contact with the group than the rest of mode does. she'll willingly find out information about the axiz members on behalf of the other girls, or slip the axiz members some information about the girl they like.

BACKGROUND (N.)

❝ don't you think it's cool? being onstage? it's like you're finally free, and everyone who has ever put you down sees that they were wrong and you are worth it.❞

/ / /

go haneul had a pretty normal life. haneul's parents had grown up in more financially difficult situations, and when they were offered the opportunity at a bigger company overseas that was offering more money, they immediately agreed, knowing that it would provide a better life for their child, a life they never got to have themselves as children. she moved when she was about a month old, and ever since then their life only got easier and easier. she never remembered what it had been like to struggle financially, and her parents didn't want to tell her what her first few months had been like. she was their only child, after all, and had to be protected at all costs.

she had everything she asked for, everything she wanted, from the earliest she could remember ( which was about three, where she specifically remembers asking for that one stuffed toy just slightly taller than she had been. it had seemed huge to her at that time and she just needed it ) but as she grew older, she quickly realized that she needed to work hard for the things she wanted, and that not everything was going to be handed to her on a silver plate.

one of those things was rapping.

she had come across rapping when one of her friends had dragged her along when she was invited to watch a rap thing her eldest brother had been taking part in. she'd become enamoured by the music, and promptly decided she was going to learn how to be a rapper, practically begging her cousin soeun ( who had just debuted, but had lots of free time due to the group still being sort of a nugu girl group ) to teach her how to rap. however, she was, at that time, admittedly average. she had an interesting rapping tone, she had the musicality, or at least, it was good enough considering she was a beginner, but she had no idea whatsoever how to translate the things in her head into lyrics.

but when aleis got big, and soeun had subsequently gotten busier and busier, haneul was unable to spend as much time calling up her cousin to ask for advice. as the years passed, without soeun around to point out her mistakes and teach her, her skills when it came to rapping were at a standstill, neither deteriorating nor improving. she had time to focus more on her studies those couple of years, and there was a point in her life where she stopped rapping completely, the pressure of school drowning out any time she had to practice rapping, but she still couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if she kept going. rapping had been something different, something fresh, something she actually had to work for, and this feeling of accomplishment that came with completing a proper rap was something that she couldn't forget. she wanted something she could proudly say was her own, something her parents didn't buy her and something she achieved out of her own time and effort.

she'd tried a lot of different hobbies, but nothing could compare to the exhilaration and catharsis rapping brought her. she couldn't find the same passion in anything else she did, and she desperately wanted to keep rapping. so on a whim, she auditioned for the same company her cousin had debuted under, because if they were able to make soeun so good ( they'd completely lost the time to contact each other at this point ), they would make her good too, wouldn't they?

she wanted to prove to the world that she was not just someone who got what she wanted from connections or money. she wanted to prove to the world that she was more than they thought she was, that she was talented, that she deserved to be an idol, partially out of defiance to the people who questioned her, but mostly because she needed the self reassurance that she could do something, no matter what it was, for herself by herself.

she would probably never have chosen to be an idol if'd known she would never escape the reputation of the girl who gets whatever she wants just because.

/ / /

TALENTS : 

【 vocal 】 jang yeeun, clc (son chaeyoung, twice)

【 rap 】 jang yeeun, clc (son chaeyoung, twice)

【 dance 】 jang yeeun, clc (son chaeyoung, twice)

TRAINING YEARS : 2 years

TRAINING : haneul loved her life as a trainee. she'd adapted quickly to the trainee life, and with her polite yet easygoing, fun-loving yet also hardworking personality, haneul had been quick to both make friends with the other trainees and get on the good side of the trainers. sure, it had been tiring and difficult, much like it was to anyone, really, the sheer exhilaration in being able to do what she loved doing was enough to keep her going, to keep her training until early in the morning despite having school in a couple of hours. of course, her hard work didn't go unnoticed. it wasn't long before she started getting called for meeting with the company managers to discuss her featuring in music videos, dramas or advertisements, and at the time, she loved all of it. everything was new to her, and she'd been so curious and so thrilled at every new opportunity thrown her way that she hadn't noticed anything wrong. she hadn't noticed the extra treatment she had been getting.

and everything had been fine then. everything had been completely fine when she had been oblivious to everything, and she couldn't help but wonder where everything went wrong, when she started realizing the attention was more of a burden than anything else.

/ / /

PREDEBUT EXPERIENCE :

【 music videos 】 haneul has featured in both aleis' and axiz's music videos as a trainee, and this had gotten her quite a lot of attention, because what were the chances of the same trainee showing up in so many videos? she was definitely set for debut.

【 girl's generation 1979 】 haneul made her acting debut in the drama girl's generation 1979. she didn't have a big role, but it was a really cool experience for her, and pretty much sparked her love in acting as well.

【 backup dancing 】 she had been a 'backup dancer' in one of axiz's promotions, and she says backup dancer in quotation marks because she hadn't actually been dancing much. rather, she had been someone put onstage with just a small set of moves to interact with the boys ( think nu'est's hello ) for the sole purpose of having a plotline onstage.

【 sweet revenge 2 】 it had been mindblowing for her when the company announced that she was going to take part in a full fledged drama, and she had been given a much bigger role compared to before. it had definitely been difficult for her, but she enjoyed the experience nonetheless, and the previous experience she'd had in girl's generation 1979 helped her a lot during the filming of sweet revenge 2.

/ / /

SCANDALS :

netizens say dm's new girl group is becoming 'go haneul and friends'

from the very beginning of their debut, the fans had already noticed the difference in schedules that the members were allowed to take on, especially the fact that haneul had significantly more promotions than the other girls. it was something that the fans definitely didn't like, and despite fan complaints, there didn't seem to be any change in that.

the members of mode are not close to each other?

the members of mode have always joked that they're not close with each other due to conflicting individual schedules, or rather, haneul's schedules, but recently it's seemed more than just a joke. of course, the netizens may be reading too much into it, but nobody really cares if it's true when they can cause drama.

is mode's go haneul getting a solo debut? 

only a few years into their debut, netizens all over the world started suspecting the possibility of dm entertainment pulling haneul from mode in order to let her start a solo career. the fans were not impressed at all, but things calmed down after months passed with no news of haneul's solo debut from dm.

mode's go haneul criticized for being lazy onstage

a couple of months after the whole scandal with the suspected solo debut, netizens have noticed the gradual lack of power in her movements, and she seemed to not have the same control over her facial expressions that she was known for. they were quick to suggest that perhaps it was because she wasn't happy about the solo debut being cancelled, or that she didn't like being in the group.

LOVE INTEREST : yán chényǚ ( 顏辰宇 / ahn shinwoo ), trainee

FACECLAIM : xiao dejun, wayv

BIRTHDAY & AGE : january 7, 1999

PERSONALITY : compassionate, dedicated, optimistic, ambiverted, plain, honest

if anyone was asked to describe shinwoo, the first thing they would talk about his compassion, and ability to know exactly what to do to calm down a fight, cheer someone up when they're sad or encourage people when they're nervous. shinwoo likes observing the people around him, and he seems to observe people in so much detail that no emotional change seems to get past him unnoticed. his emotional intelligence and the genuine way he treats everyone he comes into contact with makes him very approachable when it comes to more emotional problems, and though he's usually more introverted, he also won't hesitate to make the first move if he feels that someone needs help but doesn't want to ask for help.

shinwoo is someone that would not stand out in a crowd, often sticking to the people he's more comfortable with and not putting himself out there every chance he gets, but the most nondescript people are often the most interesting once you get to understand them more. he's optimistic and cheerful, always willing to look on the bright side of any bad situation. he never lets anything or anyone put him down, and he's very determined to make the people he cares about feel the same way too, encouraging them to persevere and keep going when things get tough. he's been through a lot in the past, but he bounces back from setbacks easily, and not once has a situation stopped him from being the smiley, sweet, fun-loving person he is now.

he's very dedicated to his work, never giving up on his dreams despite having opportunities stripped away from him time and time again, and this shows in his continuous improvement. though he's very much driven by emotions and sentiment, he's very honest and objective with himself when looking at his work too, and is able to pick out what he needs to work on and what he's already doing well. shinwoo pours his heart into everything he sets his mind on doing, whether this is his music or his friendships, and because of his he's someone that's quite popular among the trainees.

why someone like him would choose to be friends with a wreck like haneul will forever be a mystery to her. 

BEFORE : 

the first time they meet is awkward, and even that's putting things mildly, because shinwoo had not been expecting his private practice time to be interrupted by a fellow trainee bursting into the room he was in and sitting with her back against the door, tears silently streaming down her face. the room was one that, as far as he was concerned, no other trainees knew about, a small space near the end of the hallway that most had assumed was a storage room, and seeing someone else in this space kind of surprised him.

thinking back about it, he guesses it made sense why the girl would think that she would be alone in the room ( he figures she'd thought she was alone, because there was no way someone would allow themselves to be this vulnerable in front of someone else, especially a stranger they didn't know ). he had the habit of having the lights low while he worked, and he too had thought he was the only one who knew about this place.

he remembers contemplating if he should leave, because she definitely hadn't noticed him yet, but the moment he stands up, the sudden movement makes the girl turn towards him and oh. the girl is go haneul. the go haneul, the one he's only seen in the monthly evaluations and heard of from rumors all over the company. the one who's supposed to be strong and confident and cheerful and happy. the one who should be having an easy time compared to all the rest of them. the one who should not have to worry about anything at all, because her debut was already set, because she doesn't have to fight to stay in the company.

clearly, she isn't.

and for the first time, shinwoo suddenly doesn't know what to do.

haneul freezes for a moment, before furiously wiping the tears from her face when she sees him, cheeks flushed red in embarrassment, and he looks helplessly around the room, not knowing whether he should talk to her, give her space or leave the room. he decides to look for tissues after a few seconds of thought, thinking that it wasn't the best time for him to talk to her, and there was no point leaving the room since she already noticed him.

it takes her a long while to calm down, the outright embarrassment and shame of being caught making her cry even harder, because the last thing she'd wanted was to be seen in this sorry state, but when she finally does, she turns to properly look at the boy, who'd been silently watching her, tissue in his hands. "are you okay?" he asks softly, kneeling down next to haneul. she sniffs, taking the tissue to dab at her eyes, and she glares at the boy, though it wasn't nearly as intimidating when she looked like a kicked puppy trying to be tough.

"if you tell anyone i'll kill you," she threatens weakly, her voice shaking, and shinwoo almost laughs out loud at how, despite having just broken down, haneul's still trying to act like nothing just happened. "i will, i swear if you tell anyo—"

"don't worry about it. i'm shinwoo."

she's silent for a couple of seconds before she responds, all defensiveness leaving her body and she wraps her arms around her legs, knees pulled to her chest. "haneul." they don't talk about the breakdown, and haneul appreciates it more than anything else in that moment.

shinwoo and haneul run into each other a couple more times after that ( haneul isn't crying those times, and shinwoo isn't utterly lost either ), and though haneul was quite wary of having to share her space with someone else, especially when that someone else has seen her breaking down, but shinwoo was adamant on making friends, and after she walks in on him making music one day and he volunteers to teach her how to play the guitar, she decides that it might not be such a bad thing after all.

slowly, she comes to terms with the fact that she'll be seeing more of this boy in the future.

LOVE STORY : 

they stop meeting up as often when haneul starts getting bombarded with schedules and starts preparing for mode's debut, but she still finds herself heading to the small room at the end of the hallway whenever she has the time to, the room becoming almost like a safehaven for her, a place where she can stop being haneul the idol and start being go haneul the nineteen year old girl ( she later realizes that the safehaven isn't the room, it's shinwoo, but that doesn't happen until a long while later ). in that room, she's allowed to be flawed, she's allowed to be weak, and that feeling of freedom, that feeling of not being weighed down by the pressures of having to be the best, is something she never wants to let go of.

shinwoo finds that the tough, wound up girl he's heard about countless time from the other trainees is actually not as bad as the rumors say she is. from the amount of times they'd met in the room, he'd slowly come to figure out that she's actually quite fun to be around when she lets her walls down. she's enthusiastic, a bit childish and incredibly playful, and he can't find a single trace of maliciousness that he often hears other people talking about. there aren't a lot of people that truly try hard to understand her, he realizes, and he makes it his duty to show her that there's somebody out there that believes it's not her fault that she's getting everything the others could only wish for.

and then she debuts, and she doesn't get to see shinwoo again until the end of promotions. when they meet up again they talk about anything and everything, from the possibility of him making his debut a couple of years later in the company to her cat back at home to his pets back home in china ( "you're from china?" "um, yes?" "why do you have a korean name then?" "my chinese name is too hard to pronounce." "wait wait wait lemme try it." "it's chenyu." "cheonyee? chenwe?" "you see this is why i have a korean name." ) to the snacks she desperately wants to each but can't because she needs to be thin. she hasn't felt this happy in a long time, and she wishes the happiness could last for longer, but unfortunately, another comeback comes and she finds it hard to stop and breathe in between all of her schedules again.

the second time he sees her really, truly, break down is when she loses gabin, who he's heard from the girl is her best friend in the entire group. after that shinwoo becomes the only person she has left to rely on, because the girls are further from her than ever before, and she doesn't even get to contact her family anymore. he sees the light in her eyes diminishing over time, her usual bubbliness vanishing after one of the particularly difficult comebacks, replaced by tiredness and so much confusion, and it's the first time he realizes he's worried about her more than a friend should be.

he hides his feelings for her because he knows the last thing she needs is a relationship scandal now.

ENDING : honestly i think haneul would eventually realize her feelings for shinwoo too, but it's up to you really how you want them to end!!!

ChristmasRose (a/B/o.)

❝ do you really want to know what the view looks like from the top? it looks like all the people you've ever stepped over to get there. ❞

/ / /

COMMENTS : the way i write the personality is a bit difficult to understand so um if you need any explanation about haneul's character then i'll be happy to explain! haneul's ANGSTY, but she's just a little tsundere baby that doesn't like to admit to her own emotions, and when she finally comes to terms with the fact that she can rely on other people instead of carrying all her burdens herself it'll definitely get better. also i sincerely apologize for making yet another main rapper app because i've seen a lot of them around but hnnng it's too late to change it nowwww.

SCENE REQUESTS : 

【1】: haneul finally opening up to the other girls. it'll be really interesting to see her character development after she allows herself to be honest both with herself and the other members of mode.

【2】: gabin x haneul moments!!! i feel like they'll be a really sweet pair hehe~

【3】: tba

PASSWORD: wow thing, satellite