“if you want, i can show you a million different things people like me are willing to do to make sure their family survives.”

More then skin and bones...

PERSONALITY TRAITS: 

positive : observant, meticulous, hardworking, gentle, caring, patient
neutral : private, polite, passive, altruistic, mature, protective
negative : manipulative, cynical, impulsive, cold, insecure, anxious

PERSONALITY:

in the years that followed her parents' death, it was blatantly obvious to everyone around her that the deaths had a much bigger impact on ziwei than on the rest of her siblings. as a child, ziwei had been full of life, incredibly cheerful, incredibly energetic, and her smile never seemed to leave her face. she was outgoing, engaging in conversations with everyone around her like she'd known them for years, and she would often be seen playing jokes on the other children in the neighborhood, all of which she had been close friends with. it wasn't an exaggeration that everyone loved her, but after her parents died and she'd had to take on the responsibility of raising what's left of her family, she had become a completely different person.

if you asked anyone who knew her well, they would probably say that ziwei's most defining trait would be her mature personality. even at the age of 14, nowhere even close to being an adult, ziwei had already lost all of her childish playfulness she'd once had prior to her parents' deaths, and this was replaced by an overwhelming sense of responsibility that rendered her unable to enjoy the rest of her childhood like other children her age. she was the oldest, after all, and it seemed expected that with her parents no longer around, she would be the one into the position of an adult years before she actually became one. because of this, she grew to become motherly and caring, always looking out for her brother, taking care of him when he was sick or in trouble and always being the one to clean up any messes he made. she is patient, willing to sit for hours and listen to his troubles, she's gentle, and she's incredibly observant as well, able to pick up when her brother was feeling sad or if a situation he were in didn't seem safe. taking care of others became natural to her, and ziwei brought on that quality to other people as well, looking after her friends like she would with her sibling. along with that, she's also very protective, perhaps too much so, and though it's annoying to have her constantly checking up on them, her friends know that it's only because she's worried about not taking care of them well enough.

while her newfound maturity has definitely brought out a much nicer and more patient side of her that might not have been entirely there when she was younger, it also came at a very big price. as she grew older, ziwei became quiet and withdrawn, never sharing her problems because she knew that as the oldest, she had to look like she was coping with her parents' deaths well despite being a complete mess inside. even though she might look fine, she's actually incredibly anxious and insecure, the amount of pain she's bottled inside only building up over time rather than going away like she hoped. she became scared of every little thing, scared that she isn't doing enough for her family, scared that she won't be able to protect feng, and above all, she's terrified that she'll lose him like she lost her parents. she'd lost trust in everyone after people stopped caring, and the pressure as the oldest sibling made her lose herself as well. her entire life became centered around the wellbeing of her brother, and she became passive, never really knowing what she wanted because she was so used to asking what other people wanted instead. she's soft-spoken, unconfident when she does speak and has a lot of trouble deciding things for herself, yet she's able to figure out what's the best for other people faster than you can imagine. she's overly selfless, and this combined with her impulsiveness makes it almost impossible to stop her from doing something dumb for the sake of other people. she always puts the people she considers her family first, and if it takes sacrificing herself to keep them safe, she wouldn't even hesitate to risk her life for them. she'd also find herself doing things that go against her moral code, just to make sure her brother got a proper education, and she doesn't mind being a criminal if it meant that feng would never ever have to resort to doing something immoral for the sake of their family.

people who haven't felt the desperation before wouldn't be able to understand.

and even though she hates to admit it, years of working together with sicarius also played a large part in the formation of her personality now. she’d learned early on in her career as an assassin that she had to be brutal, that she had to be manipulative, that she couldn’t feel sympathy for those she was killing when she was out on a mission, or else it would ruin her emotionally. ziwei had learn to be okay with being a cold-blooded killer despite it going against everything she believes in, and that’s exactly what she taught herself to do, switching off her emotions and stepping into the persona of someone else to protect herself from the pain of knowing someone’s blood was on her hands, or knowing she’d just abused the trust of another human being. human—just like her. she became cold so that the guilt wouldn’t consume her. she’s a good actress, knowing exactly what role she had to play to earn someone’s trust, then take their lives away from them once she gets close enough. but she can’t deny that every time she goes out under a different name, every time she goes out under a different cover story, she feels like she’s losing a bit of ziwei as well.

she'd always wondered what she'd turn out to be like if both her parents were still alive. would she be the same person she is? probably not. she'd definitely be a lot happier if her parents were still alive, a lot freer, a lot more innocent, a lot more hopeful. but this is her now, and she had to learn to accept the fact that she'd never be a normal girl.

 

CHAPTER 1 : BABY'S BREATH
innocence, pure of heart, happiness

before everything went wrong, ziwei had been happy. she may not have been born in the wealthiest family ever, she may not have been able to eat expensive meals and she may not have been able to afford things that her other classmates were able to afford, but she was happy.

she was born gu ziwei ( made up of the chinese characters for the catalpas tree and the multiflora rose ) on harvestsun 24, 1303, the oldest child in a family of artists. the entire town ( an extremely close-knit town in lower-class area of jia-shu where people lived for generations on end and it was rare to find someone who hadn't been living there since they were born ) had anticipated her birth ( much like they did the birth of every child born there ), and from the moment she had been born, she was treated like treasure.

ziwei grew up surrounded by love and support from her parents, and her easygoing nature made it almost effortless for her to make friends in the village, charming both adults and children alike. she'd shown an affinity for learning from a very young age, curious in how every small thing  functioned and how it came to be. her mother had seen her curiousity and need to learn, so even before the age where she was allowed to go to school, she had decided to homeschool her, teaching her the basics of what she would've been learning in school had she been old enough.

because of this previous training she'd had as a child, when she was old enough to go to school, she'd adapted to the school life well, and was at the top of her class for most things that they learned. she absorbed information with no difficulty, and to be quite honest, school had not been difficult for her. she enjoyed the learning, she enjoyed getting to see her friends and though she was often judged by the other children for her poverty, it wasn't enough to tear her down.

she had been happy, but she guesses all happy things had to come to an end. it was selfish to be happy for too long, and perhaps the spirits wanted to punish her for being so happy all the time.

 

CHAPTER 2 : WEEPING WILLOW
mourning, sadness, bravery

the sound of the door creaking open pulls ziwei out of her thoughts, and she turns around, leaping to her feet when she sees the town doctor come in through the door. her father lifts his head to look at the man, desperately searching his eyes. "how is she?" he asks, the same time worried whispers of "can we go in and see?" sound from where a 6 year-old ziwei was standing, trying to peer into the room he'd just exited from.

the doctor doesn't reply immediately, a sad smile on his face as he crouches down to talk to the young girl. "later, okay? you need to be well behaved if we're to let you in, alright?" the man hesitates for a moment, taking in a slow, deep breath that none of them knew the meaning behind. perhaps the man was tired after being in there for so long? "your mother needs to rest and i need to talk to your father first too." ziwei nods in reply, and promptly leaves the room to give the men space to talk.

it's only when she finds her father sobbing into his hands that she finds out her mother didn't make it.

they'd known for a while now that the chances of her surviving after contracting the disease wasn't huge, especially since the medical supplies they'd had in the town at the time weren't enough to fight a disease brought over from a foreign land, but despite all that, they'd still had hope that if they prayed hard enough, dasein and the other spirits would bring them a miracle. it's apparent now that miracles didn't exist, and no amount of prayer had been enough to save her mother's life.

her father spends the next few weeks locked up in his workspace, working day and night in a desperate attempt to patch up the hole that's been left in their lives, both financially and emotionally. as the weeks dragged on, though, it became painfully apparent that no matter how much he tried, he simply didn't have the time nor the strength to be both a father and mother figure to his two children. the workload it took to provide for the family begins to pull him under, drowning him, and he pushes his children into the understanding arms of his neighbours in fear of dragging them down with him.

ziwei and feng, her tiny, helpless baby brother, spend the next six years alternating between whichever neighbours were available to take care of them, and in return for their care, ziwei starts to learn how to help them lessen their burden, dropping out of the school she'd just joined so that she could spend her time cooking and cleaning instead.

she was the only one old enough, after all. she didn't know at what point her neighbours would be fed up with having two more mouths to feed, and despite knowing her father paid their neighbours a good amount to give them food, protection and shelter, she also knew that he wouldn't be around all the time to make sure of that. she needed to make herself valuable, make herself seem like less of a burden so they'd never have a reason to stop taking care of her and feng.

 

CHAPTER 3 : MARIGOLD
TRIGGER WARNING — MENTIONS OF SUICIDE ( TL;DR : her father dies )
grief, cruelty, despair

the day her father came home bruised and beaten, his dominant arm broken, she should've known what was going to happen. she hadn't known who did it or why they did it, but it was obvious that whoever had beaten up her father had been dead set on ruining his career and, subsequently, ruining his life and his family along with it.

her father had been one of the best carpenters in the town, and having his arm injured put him out of work almost immediately. during the time he'd waited for his arm to heal, ziwei starts to take on jobs, travelling further outside the town to look for better opportunities for work ( she'd found a consistent income in the form of a translating job, located in a trading village close to the border between jia-shu, jia-min and jia-dtang ). nobody cared that at the age of 13, ziwei had already been part of the workforce. after all, it had been a small town, and there had been no minimum age of working, so anyone would accept as much help as they could. they all needed someone to rely on for income, after all, and since her father was injured and couldn't work, she knew she had to be that figure as the next in line.

perhaps she was naive to think that things would get better when her father's arm healed, because nothing changed. they quickly realized that the damage that had been done to his arm had been irreversible, his arm no longer being able to be controlled in the way it had been before. his hands became shaky, no longer able to work on more precise details in the things that he made, and in turn, he started to lose his customers, who had gotten tired of waiting for his work to return to the standard it had been before. and this hit hard on her father, because his work was the only thing that had powered him through the loss of her mother. he lost his purpose the day his arm had been broken, and ziwei really should've seen that earlier.

if she'd seen that earlier, would she have been able to prevent the tragedy that happened afterwards?

it's still clear in her mind even now, the way she'd been greeted by deafening silence instead of a frustrated yell for her to leave him alone that day. in hindsight, she should've turned then, should've known something was wrong, but she'd kept going, too curious for her own good, until she'd found herself staring down at her father, or more specifically, his lifeless body, framed in a pool of blood that soaked into his clothes.

she'd forgotten exactly what happened afterwards, her twisted, broken mind filling in the gaps that she can't remember. the only thing she could comprehend had been the hollow emptiness in his eyes, the jagged cut running from his wrist to his elbow, the way the purple bags under his lifeless orbs stood out even more against his bloodless, porcelain skin. she remembers the coldness of his skin against hers, his limp body heavy as she cradles what's left of her father, hugging him tightly as if it would somehow bring him back to life. then she'd out.
 

CHAPTER 4 : HYSSOP
protection, health, sacrifice

desperation drives people to do things they’re not proud of, and ziwei finds out the hard way when the village turns on them after her father’s death. dealing with the loss of her only remaining was difficult on it’s own, however nothing broke her as much as watching the warm, welcoming hands of her friends and neighbours become cold stares and turned backs, for a reason she didn’t understand. but she knew she had to pull it together.

she couldn’t let her brother lose his own remaining family. not when she knew the hurt and helplessness that came with watching her father spiral into nothingness.

she’d thought she’d be able to handle it, take on more jobs and spend more time working so that she’d be able to afford to pay the bills and feed both of them, but she should’ve known it was impossible. if her father, a grown adult, hadn’t been able to do it all those years ago, there was no way she, only just entering her teenage years, could do it on her own. things start slipping out of her control faster than she could imagine, and when her brother—sweet, kind, innocent feng—returns from school one day with a loaf of bread he'd stolen because he was too hungry, she knew she had to do something to keep her family afloat.

and that's why she finds herself making a deal with sicarius.

sicarius, a secret society that fights against corruption, cruelty and injustice in the world, but goes against everything she stands for because they're not above killing to reach their goal. she'd declined their invitation once, refusing to take another life, but she was desperate, and the only neighbours left willing to help, informants for the society she disagreed with, had promised her they'd make sure feng lived a comfortable life if she joined them.

she had no other choice.

ziwei is officially initiated into sicarius at only 14, where for the next couple of years, she's trained in combat, diplomacy and basic medical skills. they let her continue to work on the languages she already knows, and encourage her to pick up more so that she'd be able to communicate wherever they sent her. they teach her how to lie, how to earn someone's trust and how to take a life.

lying comes in handy when she's sent on her first assassination at 16, and she has to tell her brother she's moving for work. she returns traumatised and terrified of what she'd done, but they reward her with promises of safety and proper education for her brother, and she slowly learns to shut her guilt out because if she made herself indispensable, feng would be able to grow up normally, maybe even better than any other child his age. her brother always came first, and that meant her missions had to take priority.

she didn't want to know what they might do to feng if she failed. gu ziwei becomes a killing machine, drained of empathy and feeling when she turns 17.

 

CHAPTER 5 : RHODODENDRON
danger, caution, beware

xia yuning. 18 years old. female. you are from an abusive family, and took the very first chance you had to stow away on a trading ship headed for newhaven. you were thrown overboard when a storm hit the ship, leaving you stranded in the middle of the kerau sea. none of the traders knew you were on the ship, so nobody came back for you. you have nowhere else to go but you know you definitely cannot go back to jia-shu, where people are probably looking for you. you're scared of what your family would do if they found you and you're willing to go with anyone who's willing to take you. 

when she'd first become a part of sicarius, the leaders of the group had let her in on the circumstances surrounding her father's death. they'd told her about one of their informants seeing him meet up with a member of a local cult prior to his death, and they'd suspected the cult, azure moon, had something to do with his death.

and everything started to click for her. azure moon had a big influence in jia-shu, especially in her village, and if her father had betrayed their trust for some reason, it would make sense that azure moon would turn the village against his orphaned children, who may have shared the same views their father had. azure moon had left them helpless, starving, almost dead, and she couldn't forgive them for what they had done to her family.

azure moon was a group she had to take down, no matter what it took. 

that's why she'd volunteered almost immediately for a mission to locate and assassinate one of azure moon's jia-hwan leaders. one of their informants had heard that a member on board the nightingale, a rather well known pirate ship, had ties to azure moon in the past, and may be able to help her find where the leaders were hiding. she'd have to find a way to get on board, and find a way to stay with the crew until she got the information out from the crew member, whoever it was.

what she hadn't anticipated, though, was for someone she recognised—someone who knew who she was—to also be a crew member on the nightingale.

gu ziwei. 18 years old. female. you lost your family and found work translating for a trading crew headed to newhaven. you were thrown overboard when a storm hit the ship, leaving you stranded in the middle of the kerau sea. you don't know if anyone else on the ship—your newfound family—survived, so you have nowhere to go. when you're rescued, you see your childhood friend, and craving the familiarity that brought to you, you beg him for a temporary place to stay. you're willing to do anything.

LIKES:

✩ food : ziwei had grown up in a financial situation where meals had been simple ( earlier on in her life ) or scarce, so the variety of food provided on the ship was something she'd never seen before in her entire life. while some might feel disgusted about the food they had, she was always grateful, and the first couple of days they'd even had to try to stop her from making herself sick from eating too much.

✩ children : she has the biggest soft spot for small children and anyone younger than her, really, and she guesses it's because of how much of her life she'd spent looking after feng. even if someone is just a year younger than her, she'll definitely treat them as if they're years younger, which might be annoying, but it's just an instinct on her part.

✩ art : she'd come from a family of artists, albeit different types of artists, so she'd since developed an eye for the arts. she loves drawing and painting, but most of all she really loves remodifying or redecorating small trinkets she'd found while travelling.

✩ dusk : ziwei would say that her favorite time of the day is dusk, right when the sun is about to set, because it's absolutely beautiful, and her inner artist just wants to find a way to document all that beauty.

✩ working : it surprises a lot of people that ziwei would like working, especially since others would rather not have to do work, but working gives her a purpose, and now that she's away from her family, she finds it difficult to know what her purpose is anymore. working reminds her that she's still doing something, and it gives her the direction she needs to keep going.

✩ music : she hasn't heard much music from where she came from, so when she heard music for the first time on board the nightingale, she'd immediately been enthralled by the way the instruments seemed to create an entire story out of just notes.

✩ skinship : she feels a bit empty without having her family constantly around her, and she tries to find comfort in the others, but it's difficult when she's dressed up as a boy and she's not even of that high status compared to everyone else on board the ship. she's supposed to be someone in the background, and she knows she has stop herself from being too affectionate to maintain her fake identity.

✩ learning : ziwei has always been curious as a child, and now that she has the chance to see more of the world, she wouldn't let any chance to learn something new slip by.

DISLIKES:

✩ making decisions : to be completely honest, ziwei doesn't remember being put in a position where a decision was made because she wanted to, and she hates being asked how she feels about a situation, or what she thinks about an idea because she knows she'll just give the most practical answer. she'd never thought for herself before, and she finds it frustrating when people ask for her opinion because she wouldn't know how to answer.

✩ nightmares : ever since her father's death, she'd been plagued by nightmares that leave her afraid to sleep at night. she has such an irrational fear of these nightmares that she would rather work herself until she collapses than submit to sleep, and especially when she's around others, she tries her hardest to stay awake because she knows that she's not comfortable with them seeing her screaming and crying when the nightmares hit.

✩ blood : she's good at pretending that the sight of blood doesn't make her sick to her stomach and she can still function normally around blood, but in reality the sight of blood makes her want to freak out. even if it's just a little bit of blood, her mind automatically sends her back to her father's blood coating her hands, staining her dress red.

✩ snobby rich people : perhaps it's because she's known what it's like to be poor, to not have anything, so she absolutely hates it when rich people look down on others for being poor, or for not having the things that they would have. she knows better than to be impolite or disrespectful because of that, though.

✩ showing weakness : she's the oldest sibling, she's supposed to be strong. she cannot show weakness because she wouldn't be able to protect anyone if people find out that she has weaknesses.

✩ people telling her things she already knows : she hates getting 'advice' on things like how to take care of herself or how to make sure she's safe because she's already lived around 8 years practically raising herself and four other children. she knows how to take care of herself and she's not someone who blindly throws themselves into dangerous situations ( well maybe she is, but she'd appreciate it if people don't try and point that out whenever they can )

✩ people she cares about being in danger : it's more of a fear than something she dislikes, and she would do anything to make sure the people she cares about are safe, even if it means risking her life. she lives for other people, and she wouldn't be able to live with herself if her friends and family get hurt, especially when she could've easily prevented everything.

HABITS:

✩ switching languages : though she can speak common tongue fluently, she still feels a lot more comfortable speaking renlei, so whatever opportunity she can, she would speak in her mother tongue.

✩ wandering eyes : her eyes seem to be unable to stay in one place when she's feeling anxious, flitting from one side of the room to another. she also tends to do this when she's at a loss for words.

✩ pinching : she has the habit of pinching herself when she's trying to calm down,  not because she really wants to hurt herself or anything, but rather because the pain helps her focus. it's a lot less obvious, pinching herself, but people can often tell if she'd been particularly on edge because her skin would be tinted a bright, angry pink afterwards.

✩ startled : ziwei is very easily startled, having been trained to pick up the smallest of noises or movements. she sometimes has to fight the urge to fight back whenever she's startled, knowing it doesn't fit in with the persona she'd created for herself.

✩ thinking : she has a habit of pursing her lips when she's deep in thought, something she'd originally done to make herself seem more young and vulnerable. now, it's become something of a habit.

OTHERS:

✩ dominant hand : ziwei can work with both hands. it's something she'd learned as part of her training with sicarious, so that if her dominant hand was injured, she could still use her other one to fend for herself. she uses her right hand most of the time, though, and doesn't use her left unless it's an emergency.

✩ letters : ziwei writes letters to send back home wherever she is, because she knows feng might catch on to her lies if she doesn't. she likes to send small trinkets or local specialties back along with her letters as well, just so he wouldn't be suspicious of her actions.

✩ alcohol tolerance : ziwei's alcohol tolerance is very very high, but she's also mastered the art of faking drunkenness, knowing that the lower her alcohol tolerance seems, the less threatening and harmful she'll look.

✩ i'll add more once i think of it!!!

RELATIONSHIPS: 

  

✩ younger brother - gù fēng ( 12 ) / student / reliable, intelligent, caring / 10
fc : han haolin

to be honest, ziwei wouldn't know what she would do if she didn't have her younger brother by her side. he's everything she's proud of, everything keeping her going when life got hard, but most important, gu feng is her purpose. she doesn't know what she would do without him, because she'd spent all her time and all her love on him, making sure he had the childhood she was never able to have.

✩ neighbours - sòng lí, sòng yáo ( 38, 34 ) / informants for sicarius / loyal, observant, strong-willed / 6

ziwei isn't really sure how she feels about her neighbours. on the one hand, she's grateful they're taking care of feng like they would their own children, but on the other hand she doesn't agree with the way they'd taken advantage of their situation to get her to join sicarius. either way, she's on civil terms with them for the sake of her brother, and often relies on their information for her missions.

RETURN TO the STORY

christmasrose ✩ nessa

LAST COMMENT: okay so ziwei has a really angsty backstory but i gave her a really fluffy  and cheesy love story too so that might make up for it? and i know the faceclaim i chose isn't that boyish but she's so cute with the hairstyle haha and i have a more androgynous backup faceclaim ( she has the most adorable voice omg ) so i hope that's okay too!! please tell me if you need clarification for something haha because my writing skill kind of just disappeared towards the end of this.

SCENE REQUEST: 

✩ haoxuan finding out about ziwei's nightmares, and ziwei being completely mortified at first because nobody's supposed to find out. after that, they spend their nights sitting on the deck together and just talking, because he feels the need to distract her from her fears and she enjoys just listening to him talk.

✩ obviously she stops doing her mission at some point, and just when she starts getting comfortable, sicarius starts to chase her up on her progress and she realises she'd let herself get too close with the crew and now she cares about them and oh my goodness what does she do now?

✩ tba

PASSWORD: pirates will be pirates