hey loves its yo girl back to whine some more about her personal life so please bear with me haha thanks !!! if anyone has some advice that'd be greatly appreciated xx

i went to a different elementary than my irl friends, and met them freshman year of high school (im currently finishing my exams for the end of my junior year). they went to elementary with this guy, we'll call him Roy, and my other friends Abby, Morgan, and Sera, although those aren't their real names. Roy likes to make ual comments about me. I won't go into detail (because no one wants to hear them), but they're along the lines of how I 'like it' and sometimes my s and how i look like i could be out of a specific . i've tried to talk to my other friends about it, but they always tell me that that's just the way he is and not to worry about it, but it still bothers me and makes me uncomfortable. i've talked to other people outside that circle and they always tell me to stick up for myself next time it happens, to tell him not make comments about me like that, but i really don't want to cause drama within my friend group and don't want them to see me as some stuck-up prude who can't take a joke. 

allt n of us in the circle, except Roy, are LGBTQ+ in some way, and we were planning to go to our local pride parade and then up to another town about an hour away for a queer prom they were throwing at the university. i'm the only one with my g2, and so i offered to drive abby, morgan, and sera and we would take the highway up, which they were all okay with, and then sleepover at my house that night. however, during a video call one night, roy joined in and abby urged him to come. i can't tell him he can't come to pride because it's a public event (and i'm all for allies, don't get me wrong), but she said (without consulting me first, mind you !!) that he could drive with us to the prom and sleep at my house. not only does she know roy often makes unwarranted comments about me i don't like, but didn't even ask me first if that was okay !!! just invited him. first of all, my younger sister (who is 13) was having her friends over (also 13) over that night as well, and not only would there be not only wouldl there be nowhere for him to sleep, but my parents wouldn't allowed it (whether i wanted him there or not). my mother has a three person limit in the car (not including me), and was already skeptical about sending me alone on the highway, but wouldn't allow a 16/17 year old boy with four 13 year old girls. and maybe it's just me, but just inviting someone to something you didn't plan, when it's not your house they're staying at and you're not the one driving is kinda rude!! especially without asking me first!! i told my friends that roy was welcome to come to the parade and the prom, but he'd have to find his own ride and wasn't able to sleep over. they then get pressuring me to convince my mom to let him come. eventually the weekend rolls around, and i'm sure i can get to the park where the parade is from the school as i've done it before, and don't bother with directions, and end up missing my turn, and i end up being nearly a half hour later than expected. i did tell my friends i was going to be late and sera helped direct me. when i get there, morgan starts to complain about how i'm making them walk to the park (we met at a plaza down the road from the park, as parking was easier there), when it was really a ten minute walk to the actual parade itself at most. i tell her it's good exercise for us, and she gets pissy, saying "yeah well i take a gym class, you don't" (3/4 of my classes this semester are university level, and one is grade 12, we're grade 11) roy never came, which was a relief. when we're there, there's vendors selling stuff for pride, and morgan starts to pick at what i'm choosing to buy and how i look. she complains for the majority of the day, about how her feet hurt and how she's hot and everything, and a little further in the day, before we leave, abby decides to take a walk around the park with her other friend (kinda girlfriend? idk we're lesbians its hard), and tells us she'll meet us at the entrance/exit of the park, to make our way back to the car, and we do. we see her a little bit away, and we decide to stop and wait for her to catch up. it was a hot day, and i had my water bottle on me, and so i take a drink from my water bottle when morgan reaches forward and slaps my water bottle, dumping at least half of it down me, soaking through my (white!) shirt. my makeup isn't water proof, and i didn't bring any makeup with me (besides lipstick), and so i get to walk around the rest of the day with a ring around my mouth and streaks down my neck :) love that for me. i'm pissed and call her out on it, and she says it was funny, and she did it because she saw the chance to, and i tell her it was a move and a pretty ty thing of her to do. abby catches up and abby tells her "mai hates me because i spilled a bit of water on her" and i say "a bit?? you dumped half my water bottle on me! i don't hate you, but yeah, i'm pretty ing pissed, it was pretty ty of you to do." she says it's just water, it'll evapourate, but abby agrees with me, pointing out that i don't even go swimming, why would i want water dumped on me? and that it was ty of her to do, and morgan has nothing to say after that. a week before, all four of us made a playlist for the drive up and down, and i brought my speaker so we could play it. it all had songs we all liked and wanted on it. in the car, morgan takes the speaker and plays only her music (which we didn't mind, but when we asked her to play a song one of us wanted she got pissy) and makes us play some trivia game. pulling onto the highway (especially for the first time on my own), is a little stressful and i ask them to shut up for a second while i pull on, and sera reaches over and pauses the music because morgan is too busy making fun of me for it, saying, "what? is it too loud? you can't see it?" and i snap on her, telling her to shut the up, that it's distracting. for the entire hour ride up, she picks my driving apart, and again, i tell her to stop being a backseat driver because its stressing me out. we go to the mall when we arrive, and at first everything is okay, morgan keeps complaining about my driving and how tired she is and how her feet hurt, but it's nothing i can't shrug off and ignore. we then we decide to go into a games store and all pool our money together to buy a game for later, and morgan and abby get distracted by a sale on pop figures they had, and sera and i find a card game and show it to them. we agreed to use my card, because i could use my ban card to get taxes off for cheaper. they'd owe me roughly seven dollars, and sera is fine with it and abby says she'll do it if all of us want to, but morgan says "but what if i don't want to?" and makes a deal out of it and we don't end up getting the game, although that's the reason we went to the store in the first place. we go to abby's place to get ready for the dance, because her dad lives in that town (we couldn't sleep over there though because it was technically her mom's weekend), and morgan complains MORE about how tired she is and how her feet hurt, and says she wants to just stay at the house and nap. we tell her she can stay if she wants, but she's finding her own way back home. at the dance, again, all she does is complain about how tired she is an dhow much her feet hurt (if you're sick of reading it so many times already, think about how it was to hear it constantly all day), and sits the entire time we're at the dance, which makes abby, sera and i feel bad about dancing without her. we eventually move to a room on the other side which was a quiet room, and decide to head home. now, i was supposed to meet up with my other friends i haven't seen since november of last year, meaning it's been like, seven months, but since morgan wanted to leave, i didn't get to. my friends wanted me to take the other 'highway' back home (which is really just a bunch of backroads), and made me drive all the way across town to just get onto it. we should've been home by like, ten, but it ended up being nearly eleven. we get home, and we get ready for bed, and morgan lies on the inflatable mattress by parents had set up for her and abby to sleep on (sera sleeps in my bed with me) and didn't get up, but complained about the door being open a crack and the light from the hall filtering in, and then how it was now too dark when the light was off, and at nearly midnight, made me get up and find a ing night light!! for just her!! when she was up on her phone anyways!! and then, just as i get into bed, she says she can't sleep with my closet door open. it's midnight, i've listened to her do nothing but complain all day, i'm tired and have to be up to work in the morning, and i snap, telling her to shut the and go to sleep and if she wants the door closed, to do it herself, that i'm going to bed. she never complained again, even the next morning, but didn't close the door.

that was about a week ago, right after the lockdowns (see my last blog), and since then i've been wondering if it's even worth keeping up this friendship if it does nothing but make me feel like i can't say and do things to/with them, have to tiptoe around them, and they're [see morgan] constanty picking me apart and being rude (it wasn't just that weekend, although it's definitley been the tipping point, it's been all these years). and i've noticed that other friends have started to model their behaviour - the monday after (so the day after they left my house) i offered to take sera and our other friend out for lunch, and the other friend invites her other friend. i didn't mind, because the other other friend is also my friend, and i did have room, but it's still rude, and she wouldn't have done it if abby hadn't done so a few days ago. i've tried to keep my distance, hanging out with other friends and even ghosting the group chat, but like, i can't avoid them forever. i talked to my parents and some other friends about it, and they say that (morgan, especially) seems like she has some sort of jealousy complex towards me (i don't mean for that to sound conceited or anything), and that she picks me apart to feel better about herself. another friend of ours (who i've been hanging out with more lately) and i had a dispute in march about her feeling jealous towards me (i had a fling with a guy on our march break trip, and she felt like i priortized him over her and that she wasn't good enough for relationships because she's never had one), but she was mature about it and we talked it out. morgan hasn't tried to do anything about it. i'm hesitant to talk to my friends about it because i don't want them to see me as some sort of drama causer, because we've never really had any sort of drama in our friendship circle before. i want to consult my tarot cards about it, but i'm stressed with exams next week that my energy is all over the place (but this is making it worse). i am going to another province for a program next month, and half of me thinks that this distance and time apart will help me distance myself from them more, but the other half thinks it'll make it worse. what do i do, if anything? or am i just being ovedramatic? 

thanks xx