I have a freaking crush. Like not just a small one like I thought I had, one I could kill like a buzzing insect. Instead it’s one of those horrible burdens because every little interaction we have leaves me thinking and overthinking and over analyzing. 

And it drives me nuts. 

“Enjoy the ride” my friend told me. And right now I’m trying to sleep, knowing full well that tomorrow is another day at work, and his touch still tingles on my hip where he placed it earlier as I sat on his lap. 

I dont know what to put into things, I don’t know anything these days. All I know is that this crush is an awful feeling and I want it to go away. I want to be able to treat him like I do everybody else without reading into things, without him automatically making my day better. Without me worrying he’s sick because he’s avoiding me. 

this so bad. 

I want to get drunk and up because at least then I’d have closure and I can blame alcohol and go back to normal. But it’s probably not going to happen and that’s all the more reason to drive me nuts. 

it, I should tear off his touch and yet I still long for it, burning on my skin.

If this is what an actual crush feels like I don’t want it ever again. This love game is cruel. Especially because I’m scared of messing up, of reading wrong signals, of doing literally everything wrong and making him uncomfortable. And that’s the last thing I want, knowing that he makes me comfortable. 

A Rant.