This is something I have been mulling over for a long time. It isn't a particularly positive blogpost but it's something I want to say regardless. As a writer you write whatever you want to write and I'm not one to tell you you're wrong.

I'm just debating my views on a certain character portrayal that is beginning to make me feel ... uncomfortable as a reader. 

(Disclaimer: Yes, I know; "just don't read it if you don't like it, blah blah.")

Imagine this scenario:

Character A and Character B are in a happy relationship. They love each other very much but not everybody is perfect and so their relationship has flaws as well. One night Character B decides to leave Character A for reasons unknown to Character A. So Character B leaves and both A and B fall into depression-like states. Neither moves on and neither tries to either. It's that sort of dull "life isn't good without you". Character A doesn't know what caused the break-up in the first place and may or may not have some anger towards Character B hidden underneath all that love. Character B begins to feel slightly guilty for their choice of leaving because - well, they /do/ love Character A very much and maybe it wasn't so bad after all. 

Character B is now living with Character C, a friend of both A and B. C, however, picks sides (obviously). Even though C sees the trouble B is going through with heartbreak and knows of the reason A and B broke up to begin with, C decides - anyway - that getting A and B together is good and will make them both happy again. So C embarks on a secret journey to get A and B together again. 

When A learns that B still loves them, they become somewhat aggressive. No one can put their mind at ease and they must find B and tell them they love them and that they want them back - no matter what. So A aggressively pursues B, almost hunts them down and takes them in their arms and B falls back in their embrace and they live happily ever after - because A suddenly knows what was wrong the first time around. 

This portrayal of characters, especially character A, has me rather uncomfortable. Because character A almost never learns from their mistakes and the aggressive pursuing is suddenly throwing away all doubts the character used to have. It's an "alpha" response of sorts, one that is supposed to be y and protective but for me comes off as abusive and manipulative. 

Would Character A listen to Character B and fix their mistakes? Really? 

I know the scenario is usually set up so that both characters learn. But learns what exactly? 

Because character A usually never changes that aggressive pursuing and it oftentimes turn into "protective" mannerisms where B constantly has to subtly provide evidence that they're not going to leave them again. It's that "protective hand on the shoulder" in front of others or the small snark in front of others. It sits really wrong with me. 

And character B never really seems to grow either. Before they left character A the first time they were dependent. During their time apart character B only wonders if they were wrong, somehow guilting themselves into the idea that they did wrong by picking their own happiness over character A's - and when they're back together, they become dependent again and somehow afraid of hurting A again. Because - it isn't really A's fault, right? Character B is just silly when they're unhappy in this relationship. 

Many of the conflicts could usually be resolved by sitting down and talking. But neither character has the guts to raise flaws of their owns or their partner's to start a conversation and work on the relationship. 

But, see, how is A going to know what caused the break-up the first time around if B never tells them what made them upset? And how is B ever going to stand on their own and value their own happiness, if they are constantly met with the aggressive love from A?

I don't know who thought this was a romantic depiction of a relationship coming back together. I don't know what people see in these characters when put in these kind of relationships either. 

Do people want a partner like character A? Do they consider themselves more of a B? (And honestly, would they want a friend like character C?)

These characters, in and of itself, have great potential for development.

A learns (through communication) of their flaws and has to work around their temperament. A has to learn that dominance is also letting go and they definitely need to learn to trust.

B learns that their ideas, values and feelings aren't invalid. They are perfectly human and they can be independent. They are not the reason for anybody else's flaws and they aren't at the bottom of the hierarchy. Their happiness matters.

But I rarely, if ever, see them go through a development that's actually ... healthy. That's positive. They never turn into likable characters for me. They stay within their limits of "masculine, dominant A" and "submissive, dependent B". And that's just a shame. 

Because these two characters - when put in a romantic relationship like the above scenario - just turns into an abusive relationship to me. It's full of love - until it isn't. And A will get mad at B for leaving in the night while their aggressions will turn stronger and B will still be questioning themselves because their happiness can't be that important, right?

It just saddens me, I guess. For the most part I can see something likable in most character arcs - but this one, this type of relationship, these characters, just paints an emotionally and/or mentally abusive home and it saddens me that these characters, this type of getting back together, is seen as romantic. 

Will it be a happy ending? 

Only until B finally gathers courage and leaves again. Or until A's aggression and dominance turn into violence when B doesn't behave the way A wants them to.