Am I back?

Hi friends,

it's been a minute hasn't it?

So much has changed in my life since I've last been on, but this site is still the same. Isn't that kind of weird how that works?

Right now, I'm at a standstill in my life, trying to figure out what I want, but I find myself coming back to writing, to this site and others. I'm not back, although I've written and drafted a couple of oneshots and short stories. I really would like to get back into the groove with the motivation I had once before, but it's hard.

So, for my existing stories (mainly Grandeur Life).

Honestly, this was a story I would tend to once in a while so I pumped out a few chapters (not really edited though) before December 18, 2017.

So right now? I'm not sure I can really portray SHINee how I was able to before that day. Because honestly, his death has affected me deeply. I admit, I still cry almost every day when I think about how he's not here. I cry for the loss that SHINee carries, I cry for the lost fellow Shawols carry with them, I cry for the reasons why Jonghyun couldn't get the help he deserved and needed. I cry because the sadness that ate him was portrayed since 2013, but was never taken seriously. I cry because, I cry because I love(d) him. He was always my inspiration, my ultimate favorite singer, and my first bias ever in K-pop. His dedication to the music was moving, his voice got me through my hardest days, and his words as a human being always could reach my heart.

So yeah, that's where I stand with SHINee. I still support them 110%, watching their lives, streaming their songs, but it's not easy. SHINee is forever 5HINee in my heart and in my eyes.

I will say there is some good (or bad) news taken from this.

Good news, I've been following/writing more for BTS, NCT, and VIXX!
Bad news, I've written more for BTS than EXO (':

So those who are fans of BTS, congrats! Probably my next story will be about them! For those who are fans of EXO, maybe I'll write for them again when I think of a plot that will best match them. Right now, all those playboy AUs are going to Taekook and not Baekhyun & Kai.

Welp, that's where I am mentally, and as a writer. I hope I can write a story or two before summer is over.

I hope the rest of you have been well, and those that are still affected by his death, feel free to message me <3 I know the healing process isn't an easy one but i'm here for you <3

<3 Jamie

Comments

You must be logged in to comment

neenakkong #1 Jul 8, 2018 07:59:07

I haven’t been able to listen to any of SHINee’s songs without crying. And I just started listening to them again...after like six months because I was so devastated. I still am. We all are. And I really feel you on this one. I know I’m not the only one but Jonghyun gave me light to my life. And I’m sure that he did for many. Jonghyun was the only person that I felt really understood me in ways where most people didn’t. And I’m positive that most people feel that way as well. I think that this is the first time I am writing this. My raw emotions about how I feel just like you. And I cried because I think that this is probably the first blog and first time I’ve heard someone’s thoughts from the bottom of their heart. Especially because it’s from where they stand. You are right about it all. Especially how it’s such a painful process. I think that for many, especially if they hold Him so dear to their hearts, it takes a lot of time, and mostly gut to speak out about how you really feel about the whole situation.

Thanks for this blog. It was so brave of you to really talk about how you really feel. Just like many and probably most, it’ll take some time to heal our wound that we are still mourning for a wonderful loss. And honestly, your way of explaining of where you stand has just inspired me to really open up about this situation, and write a message on all my stories that I’ve ever wrote about him to let everyone know how I really feel.

:’)

Also, it’s ok that you’re really not into EXO. I will still read your stories. I never really asked but what kind of genre are you looking into writing?