i've still not uploaded anything, not surprising any longer and instead of focusing on my assignment that due in few hours, here i am.

as you can see i have totally given up finishing/ moving on the next task which i have pulled an all nighter for but it is too hard with honesty, and my grades are at risk sigh. i cant say about it cause there are many factor involved. 

now back to why i have been huge procrastinator that i always am, i forgot yes that simple. i forgot. i have noticed that i have not upload a new chapter for story in a year oops now thats one long time. honestly, i still have not complete the next chapter altho i know whats next in the plot mmmm and the oneshot "is this our love" bruh, i am always so done with that one in another time, i have lost hope on it being upload. whats funny that i have not even upload one chapter and i am done with it. i like the plot but the writing is not going where i wanted it to. 

i dont want writing to feel like a chore or force myself out, especially for year or so, i have been having difficuities writing in a way that would make me happy and enjoy this hobby for mine. 

i feel like i am losing one of the times, i love very dearly and it is hurting me deeply. over the years, i have been one by one losing the hobbies that i enjoyed so much and i ended sit with deep thought on why is this happening. why am i losing them, why am i getting more negative, why i am being so bad at my hobbies and grades, is there something wrong with me.

i have read something that "the reason why you're so unhappy is because you make it seem so." and it hit me in unpleasing way, i didnt feel comforable to the wording for the sentence but the more i thought, the more it started clicking into my head. if i dont step up to make my life better and healthy, then no one else will. i should be able to do it on my own, step by step even if there are fallbacks then i need to pick myself up and start over, keep going forward without looking at that fallback and not let it weight me any further. 

i know that, there might have bad factor involved but i am main contributor of it all. i keep holding to things that let me hurt each second, minute, hour, and day. i need to be able to moving on in small step to the better me, that can get a hold of her surrounding. I don't think it is too late but in fact, it is the right moment for me. 

sweet, i let so much out in one go but that is nice for me. i want to be find the me that i am comforable with and hope that who ever reads this, does so. therefore, the deleting of the public stories means a fresh start so who knows, they might or not come back in the future. 

so yeah, hope i did not bore you with this haha