Hi everyone,

Well, as you may have noticed in the last couple of days, I'm back!!! I've updated Rack n Ride, and also added a cheeky oneshot. I've really liked receiving all your welcome back comments, and through reading them I realise that yes I've been gone for a very long time, and I'm so sorry not to have kept you informed as to why.

It's personal. And I know for most of you that would be enough. And had I put up a standard "Not an update" post somewhere among my stories, that might have been a good thing to let you all know what was happening. But I hate reading posts like that in the middle of a story. So I didn't. Now to satisfy the curious, and perhaps go some ways to explaining why I haven't been writing, here's the tea.

At the last RnR chapter, I explained that I had just been through the break up of a ten year long relationship. Obviously those events affected me very deeply and I understandably needed to take the time to grieve and get back on my feet. Once I did that (or thought I did) I ended up getting into a 'thing' with another woman that was super intense and highly ual, but inevitably caused me to develop feelings for her that she did not reciprocate completely then she started to treat me horribly and blocked me out of her life, breaking my heart. It took me a very long time to recover from this, to this day I haven't fully gotten over her.

Enter a new woman, who I thought was okay, but turned out to be the most narcissistic creature I've ever had the misfortune to meet! She used me, took advantage of my kindness, made fun of me, belittled me, and made me feel like I did everything wrong. I see that now, but at the time I felt sorry for her and her situation because she made it seem like she loved me and needed me. But that's how narcissists play their game. And she still has her hooks in me to a degree, mostly because she has my old cell phone and won't give it back. So that's a battle I'm struggling with at the moment. I don't care about the phone, I just want all my intellectual property that's on there like personal photos and work client contact numbers so I know she can't mess with my business and reputation. Anyway, that's that.

Now, I'm a single woman who is in the happy position of seeing someone who I'm very happy to spend time with, but the personal situation is a difficult one. She is married to a man, and isn't likely to leave him. But she likes women, particularly likes me, and her husband is aware of this information and accepts that we see each other. So I'm happy. I get to be with a kind, generous and lovely woman when I can see her, but I still get the freedoms of not being in a tied down relationship. It's an unusual situation I know, but one that I am happy with for now. PLUS she's a writer, and a fangirl (of Xena hehe) so she is accepting and encouraging of writing and fanfics, and I can see if having considerable benefits physically (if you've read my stories, you'll know) hehehe.

So that's the majority of the emotional stuff I've been going through in my life. The more generic reasons I haven't been writing are that my work just keeps me so busy and I'm really exhausted at the end of the day. I am a full time, six days a week, domestic cleaner of houses for 36 personal clients! Back when I used to write daily, I was a part time care worker who had nothing but time to write, sometimes at work for 3-4 hours, then I'd go home and write until 2am having the luxury of not starting work the next day until 3pm. Now, I'm up at 7:45ish every day, working from 8 to sometimes 4-5ish, constant physical work on my feet all day, so when I get home, I'm exhausted. I often nap as soon as I get home until dinnertime, then after spending some time with my family (I still live at home with my parents at this point), I then go to bed and am asleep before midnight ready to start it all again tomorrow.

So my life and routine is VERY different now. And although I've sometimes opened up the laptop with every intention of writing, I've often fallen asleep with it open, or simply closed it because the motivation wasn't there. My love for Soshi and other kpop artists has never dwindled, I'm still up to date with most things happening in the fandom. And it has never been a case of abandoning storylines or characters or even kpop itself just because TaeNy seems to no longer be, or that SNSD has lost members in SM. I can always play with them, that's what writing is all about. Creating worlds with people who interest me, tweaking characters and making them my own. So I will NEVER lose them.

If I ever decide not to write anymore, I WILL make that announcement here. I'll attach it to every story I have. I will make it clear as to why, and I will walk away knowing I have done some amazing things. Believe it or not, I hated writing. I hated English in school. And I hated reading. And while I still will never pick up a novel and read it cover to cover, I can be hooked into an online story and happily read it for hours. So for me to have written so much, so well (thank you for telling me so), for so long, is a major achievement for me. I may not be without mistakes technically, gramatically, or with spelling, but I've never proclaimed to be a perfect professional. I have fun, I make errors, but usually they're not so distracting that they can be overlooked for the better of the storyline. I've loved making the posters, even if sometimes the photoshopping is bad (i do it all on a tiny phonescreen, my skills are limited haha), but I enjoy creating a visual mood to go with my writing.

So I've enjoyed being so creative and having a place to show that. I won't just churn something out and post it if i'm not happy with it. This will never be a chore for me, and the day it does is the day I'll give it up. It's supposed to be fun, a hobby, a passtime, and a pleasure to enjoy. I'm thankful that my faithful readers, subscribers, and aff friends have stuck around to continue enjoying my stories. I honestly am grateful that you even know I exist, and that you've cared enough to be worried about me or wonder how I'm doing. I'm doing fine, and I hope you've all been well too. Thank you for your support, and I look forward to reading all your beautiful comments and hearing what you like about the things I've written for you.

Much love,

Choppies ;-D