Here I am again folks, after a long absence from writing and updating, I’m trying to get back into it.  To say that things have been difficult would be an understatement. But that doesn’t excuse my lack of updates.

If I had been motivated and pushed myself into writing more then I probably would’ve finished Rack n Ride months ago. Instead I’ve been stuck in the same place of the same chapter for ages. So instead of reading what I’ve written over and over again I thought I’d put up what I’ve got so far in the hopes that some good comments from faithful readers will encourage me to get into writing again. I hope this works. I’ll also admit that it’s been harder to write about Soshi when they’re so inactive. But that doesn’t mean that I’m ever going to abandon this story. I will write it til it’s done.

Now for those other things affecting me and my motivation lately. I have depression. I’ve had it for years. And after a brief break from medications I put myself back on them when I found out my grandma was dying. She passed away three months ago after being diagnosed with cancer. Three weeks after that diagnosis she was gone, and I haven’t properly dealt with it because the medications, while helping me deal with this, are also masking my emotions and preventing me from grieving. It’s a double edged sword. Take meds to deal, deal by not dealing. So yeah, there’s that. Understandably our family is going through some major upheavals due to this, and for some it’s bringing out their disgusting greed. So times are stressful. Let’s add in being super busy with my work, and having no real friends anymore. I lost the friends I had when I had the breakup with my ex. And lately, the woman I had been seeing doesn’t make plans or effort to want to see me. So I’m feeling very lonely in my life right now. Pretty much single, no friends to go out with or even be company if I wanna go to a club and try to find someone to be with. I recently went to a club by myself, it was hard, and I felt like such a loser, but I went. It had been two years since I went out to try and meet people. No success on the ladies front, but the gay guys I hung out with were lovely. So I’m still single, still no friends, still hopelessly lonely. Now try and write. No wonder it’s been almost a year again since I updated. I don’t know what I can do. It feels like I’m gonna be alone the rest of my life. Which I know theres always a chance of magic happening when you least expect it. But at my age, it’s less and less likely. I’m not 18, 20, 25, even 30 anymore. Sometimes I feel like a lost cause. Sorry, I didn’t mean for this to be a blurt-fest. Just trying to explain why my head isn’t in the fic writing much lately. I really wish it was. I’d throw myself into that fantasy life and live vicariously through the characters. But then the reality hits and I’m still alone. It .