These are probably my final thoughts on this matter. I'm to the point of listening to Shinee and Jonghyun's music both with and without tears. I can go on speaking on it and counseling others since I've settled on my own feelings about it. I wanna say I've moved on, but there's an important reason why i never will. That is due to my own severe depression and suicidal ideation

I know I will never be done greiving. It is because I feel like i lost a friend. One who spoke the same distorted language as I do. A language that barely anyone understands. I'll always hurt for him, and I'll always hurt for me. My heart will always clench as I play this song and sing along painfully, knowing the hurt he felt as he sang it himself. Just like the first time i heard it, way before his passing, when I could hear and feel him shouting to the world, (and ultimately to himself), how much he couldn't take any more... 

"...Someone please hold me, I’m exhausted from this world
Someone please wipe me, I’m drenched with tears
Someone please notice my struggles first
Please acknowledge the poor me
Please help me

I can’t forgive myself
I can’t forgive you
I keep making myself cry
Wanting the you of the past
Just need to go a little more
Just one more step and it’s all over
Don’t foolishly hold on, just let me go
Now I don’t care whatever it is

Someone please hold me, I’m exhausted from this world
Someone please wipe me, I’m drenched with tears
Someone please notice my struggles first
Please acknowledge the poor me
Please help me..."

"Let Me Out"
Kim Jonghyun

(I'm still fighting my battle, but I understand why he lost his. You did well, Jonghyun. Rest In Peace on your Aqua Moon)