I couldn’t post anything about it because I was busy traveling but I’m home now so I’ll tell you what’s on my mind.

I still can’t believe jonghyun had passed away. I still can’t believe that the man who helped me with my depression and suicidal thoughts, committed suicide. I can’t believe someone like him did that. It feels like a sick joke. It feels like I’m reading something an anti has written but this is real, this is reality.

And I’d like to tell you about depression and suicide.

Depression can happen to anyone. Regardless of your age, social statues, religion, gender, uality, etc. It happens and it’s a . It can come in any kind of form. You can be constantly crying. You can be very angry. And you can also be numb to everything. And along with those emotions comes the idea of suicide. Sometimes it’s not serious. It could be a fleeting thought of “I wonder what will happen if I end things right now? How would people react?.”

And sometimes treatmeant can’t help. Believe me I’ve been to Counseling for three years and I still struggle. I improved but I struggle. And the thing is, anything can trigger those thoughts and emotions. A lot of times you can’t control it so you suffer.

Jonghyun was surrounded by the people he loved and they comforted him as much as they can but it wasn’t enough. 

What I learned with depression is the first thing you need to do in order to get better is to comfort yourself. Be there for yourself and then let other people comfort you. 

Honestly, I’m not really sure what I’m saying except that I love Jonghyun with all my heart. Him and Gerard Way shaped me into the woman I am today and without them, I wouldn’t be here. 

You will always be loved and missed, Jonghyun. You did well.