He was one of the few people who taught me to be strong. He taught me to speak up for what I think is right. He taught me to broaden my views about the world and its people. He made me write long, heartfelt letters even though he can never read them. He was so beautiful, both inside and out, so he drove me to start writing stories again. With him, I learned how to put my heart in everything I do. I may still be working on it, but somehow, he was one of the people who made me realize I should express my emotions and that there is nothing wrong with doing so.

He was not only an artist to me. He is... Jonghyun. One of my greatest influences. No one will ever understand.

He was, he is, and will always be my role model. At the last day of his life, he still taught me to be strong in my resolve:

"I won't be like you, Jonghyun-ah. I will be stronger than you ever were. I will endure everything until the end."

Depression is real, guys. Please do not ignore your loved ones who may be suffering from it. Make them feel their worth. To the depressed people out there, please hold on. Please be strong. Please talk about your pain with other people. Please...

Can i stay in the fandom? I dont think i can. He made me enter it. I can't endure the thought of not hearing his voice in their future releases. It really hurts.

I cant stop grieving. I cant stop being angry for not being able to do anything.

it how he though he was never good enough. It how he thought he lacked talent. It how we saw he was otherwise but he never saw himself in that way.

It how I saw him once. I wish I haven't, then at least, the pain isn't this much.

Three ing years. He turned my life around in three ing years. Now he is gone. He left me with wings even though he could not fly himself anymore.

I cant be happy for Christmas parties. How can I when a part of me is gone?

I cant answer PMs. I dont know what to say. I cant answer people who says it is his choice, for me to stop blaming myself, and that he wont get to heaven with suicide. I know you are all right but I dont need any of that. I want to grieve. I want to cry. I dont want to say anything besides the fact that I kept on crying every and then. I dont want any logic now. I dont want facts. I just want to cry. I just want to distract myself by watching videos not related to him. I cant watch tribute videos now. My heart is crying, and it will always be whenever I hear his name. So please, stop telling me that he chose it. Stop telling me that I have no faults. Stop telling me he may not go to heaven. I know, yes I know, but I do not need to hear it now.

If not because him, I may be weak now..if not because of him, i may not be writing tons of stories now. If not because of him, I wont be the Ahri you know.

He tops the charts with his music now. What difference will it make? He is gone and will never go back. I havent said 'thank you.' I havent said 'sorry for dividing my attention.' I havent said how he much impact he had on me. I havent said 'please marry me.' I havent said how he will always be a special fluffball in my heart even though i stan many groups now. I havent told him how great he was and that he deserves more love and support.

Please hold the other boys together. Minho fainted from crying. Key locked himself in a room. Taemin kept on crying on the ground. I may not be able to be a part of the fandom but lets not leave the other four alone.

I cant write jongyu anymore. I cant stan shinee anymore even though i will still look over the other 4. I cant. Im sorry..i dont know anymore.