I had stopped being a man three years ago...

How does one stop being a man?

By being just an idea...

An idea is stronger than a human because an idea can affect humans but a human cannot affect an idea. That's the beauty of being abstract. When I stopped being a man and became an idea, I was not an individual with a social status anymore... So I was not someone bound by social obligations.
I was finally... free.

Not being a man, also meant, not having any emotion. I was alright with that; feelings and emotions are over rated anyway. They do more bad than good. But not always...It's like a roll of a die...

You have a good family? One tick!

You have good love life? Double tick!

I can go on but you get the gist.

Anyways, as an idea, I had all the knowledge I had as a man, but I had no emotion that came with the package. So, I have no strength and no weakness. However being devoid of emotions doesn't make you forget what it feels to be happy, or be sad or angry or in love or what it feels to want someone... with you, in you. And since I was just an idea, I always was at an advantage over others. I could always read people from their demeanor and behavior. Every word they uttered made it easier for me to read them; I didn't even have to try. It came naturally.

Some said I had built walls around myself...that's like the most cliché way people describe others whom they don’t understand.

I didn’t miss being a man. But if I was not a man, what was I? Was I nothing…?

If everything was so perfect about being just an idea, why did I need to be more?

I missed being an animal. Man is also an animal; a social animal; but an animal nevertheless. Do you know what makes an animal an animal and not a fungus or an alga?

It’s their instincts. Being devoid of emotions was something I could handle but being without instincts is like being a blank page that can never draw ink. No matter what is written on it, it vanishes…

Nothing scares me more than just being a nothing…

So, right now, I’m not a man but I’m not just an idea either. I don’t know what I am… I feel like I’m still morphing… changing into something every day…