I know no one will be reading this but thank you to those who actually took time to read this.

I actually have been going through a break up .It`s been six months already, why can`t i get over him? and no, he`s not the normal kind, he`s the kind that will make you go crazy and it`s not going crazy about him. it`s just like... that relationship was like hell but in my case it`s toxic. I thought i was over with him, and then I don`t know what got into that day (few days ago) I asked him why did he hate me that much. his reply was a bit... shocking? I don`t know

he replied me ' I wasted seven months on you, I was just angry. I don`t hate you right now, I`m just making you into a joke cause if i still hate you it means I`m still not over you' . I was soo annoyed to see that he`s making a joke out of me. and he reply me again ' I can`t talk to you right now, cause it`ll be hard to explain to my baby later.'

and the previous day I ask him this, (we still go to the same tuition, 3 tuition places, god help me) he was talking to those boys who usually laugh at me too, like my physical appearance. I heard them talking cause I was sitting beside them. the boy asked him 'so how did your first kissed go?' he replied 'I regret everything I have with her, plus she`s disgusting' and they just keep laughing

and I actually heard from my friends that he was close with a girl that was younger than me one year, and lastly I found out that she was my junior last time but then transfered school. she was one of the fakest person I`ve ever known, she hurt one of my dearest junior too. after her break up she dated 3 guys within one week. and I was like two likely people being together it`s a good thing. then I found out today that they have been dating for at least two months from now(the key word is at least, cause it maybe more than two moths) , and we just broke up for six months... he called me a player but who`s the real player? 

and during our tuition today, he was typing on his phone, I know it`s his gf cause he doesn`t really reply anyone during tuition. I actually do feel a bit jealous, cause oh I don`t know maybe because I never really got an immediate reply from him? he never really pays attention to whatever I do, but he controls me, that`s for sure.

and yes I do all girls do, I cry in my bed, I myself don`t really even know why I did that.... I just knew I keep questioning myself, was I not even lovable? did he even love me that time? was there even love between us? was I not the kind that can be apprecited? I`ve tried, I gave everything I could but what I got was being laughed at....

when we were still together, we always argue over small things, no matter how small it was. but I wasn`t the one who started it. and I`m not the kind of person to get into an arguement. so I always get scold at, and not even dare to talk back cause he`ll scold more... before we broke up he did call my friends trash, called me a and nearly slap me in the face in front of everyone.

I did ask my friends for help but they said I may sound like I`m over but I`m really not. I know I`m not but...how do i get over this stage when I can see him nearly everyday? and hearing him laugh at me everytime? I can`t live like this.... what did I even do to him?

and yea.... that`s about it...