im sorry for being such a disappointment.

i know you secretly look at others and envy them for sending their children to such prestigious schools, whatever they may be.  i know you wished for a daughter that would be first in her class and rise to the top with a respectable career.  i know you wanted all of these things, and in the midst of this, you try to be happy.

sometimes your smile is full of such disappointment and disgust that even a clueless person like me can see it.

i just wanted to say that im sorry for not being everything that you wanted.

im fully human and nothing more than that.  i cannot be perfection no matter how much you will it.

and you have a strong will.

don't tire yourself out wishing for these things.  please just accept me as i am.  im going to college for free, why can't you celebrate?  im tired after 6 months of auditions, why can't you treat me well?  im working hard to try in school, why can't you encourage me?  is everything i do really a disappointment to you, then tell me straight up and don't sugarcoat anymore.  one moment you're happy for me and my accomplishments, and the next moment, you're punishing me for something i didn't even do or say.

tell me because im done with this bull of a time im having here trying to figure out what you want.