...but for some reason I really wanna celebrate it in tears. Like a whole truckload of tears mixed with snot that not even a box of Kleenex or two is enough.

I know it sounds rather silly to be this overdramatic and too ceremonious but you see, I am a person who hardly cries in real life anymore. It seems cold but somehow I am so detached from my personal life that I don't know how to let go of my emotions anymore. The most intense feeling I can get is either anger or frustration, nothing can reduce me in tears or extreme sadness. I have come to learn the skill of being in control of my emotions and not be triggered by anything without my consent. In a way, I want to be able to break that barrier no one has come to successfully get into. So today I have decided it feels right to have a good long cry over fanfictions.

Don't get me wrong. I have read quite a few fanfics here and somewhere else that made me clutch my chest and choke in tears that I even had to stop reading for a while because the feels are too overwhelming but nothing I couldn't handle. Nothing that can shatter my sheltered world then break me in ways I couldn't imagine.

We all know Exo fanfic writers are well-known for their angstier classics. I had been waiting for so long to get started on them, I even had it all set up a looong time ago (the list and the resources). I also purposely signed up for AFF since some of them are still around here but only after almost 18 months, I finally can say, the time has now come. Armed with newfound courage and strong resolve, even I can wait no more.

​With so much anticipation, I sincerely hope to find my sensitive side back again. So as not to hurt other people (and myself as well) and learn more how human nature works and respect them too, not just in words but in actions too. I guess that's my real birthday wish in the end.

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Fact: That first angsty Exo fanfic that popped in your mind is exactly in my list....