Yesterday was the day I turned 20. 

I stll remember the first time I signed up for AFF, I had no idea how important it would've become in my life, a few years later, and how I'd look bak thinking of everything that happened onto here, all the stories that I wrote and all the friends that I made through this common interest. I remember looking up "Goddess"'s fanfic works and admiring the way dbskgirl4ever wrote out her plotlines and stories like it was as easy as a snap of fingers. 

Looking at where I stand now, I wouldn't have imagined having a featured story. Me; the girl who could barely write and get words from her head to her paper. Me, the girl who was always so afraid to show people that she had dimensions and galaxies and starry skies going on inside her head, series of poetries and prose that she kept to herself because she was just ashamed of having that kind of skill. I remember wishing that I was someone else, someone that could easily succeed through life, someone that was smart and cute and pretty. Someone that people enjoyed having around, someone that people could acknowledge as an individual, as someone with a presence, an identity. 

Thinking back, I was greedy. My initial thoughts of starting stories on AFF was of course, to reach the top and be successful. I wanted to be like everyone who was at the top of the ladder, I wanted to be the best just to prove a point to the ones that didn't believe in me. Everyone who doubted me would then turn their heads surely, those were the incessant, naive feelings that I've carried inside my chest throughout my whole childhood. 

And yet. 

When I stopped writing for the public, when I stopped caring about what people might think of me, when I stopped checking the number of views and comments and upvotes on every story, every chapter that I posted, and when I actually started writing because I loved the universe I managed to create with the tips of my fingers...

Is when the magic happened. 

But life catches up to you, life stops you from actually doing what you like and somehow, as you grow older, you realize that you have priorities. I used to update my stories every single day, but that is not possible anymore. If I'm lucky I get to update once a month, at most, and that's what saddens me. 

We're all growing, we're all changing. The young teenager that I was is paving her way into life and slowly treading with unsure footsteps, finding her place in this big wide world. It's a sad fact that I don't have as much time to follow the kpop world nor whatever iconic events that are happening. I still love them, I still listen to their music when I can, but that's about how far I can go, because in reality, I don't have time anymore. I have priorities. 

I'm not saying that I'm going to stop, but one of these days, just like everyone that's growing up and fading away from the fanfic world, I'll disappear too. 
Just like a shooting star. 

It was beautiful while it lasted.