So, whenever I log on to any social networking platform these days, it seems like all everyone's talking about is TOP's millitary enlistment. Honestly, it broke my heart when the news broke and all I wanted to do was to just forget about it and pretend it wasnt happening. But there is no getting away from the fact that it is.

And as much as I want to believe in them, I have come to realize and accept the fact that this is the end. BigBang will probably never be together again. GD and Taeyang enlist next year, Daesung after that and Seungri next and I dont think there is any coming back after a five year hiatus when new groups are debuting every day.

But having said that, I do believe that no other group will be able to take the space BigBang has in my heart. Aff is pretty exo- centric, but there must be other BB fans around, right? I was listening to "Lets not fall in love" and I just felt like crying (my roommates freaked- they thought something happened ; something DID happen but they dont know anything about kpop, so how do i explain?) There is this tiny skeptical voice inside my head that always questions how much I actually know about them - about how everything they say and do is planned out beforehand and everything is just a publicity gimmick. But even if all the interactions I see among the members are fake (they cant all be manufactured, can they?), i still cant deny their talent and work ethic. Every album is better than the previous and it shows so plainly how hard they work. If nothing else, BigBang inspired me to work hard and to keep working hard even if things are continuously going wrong. On nights when its like theres a test tomorrow and a group assignment that has to be handed in and none of the s in my group are doing anything and I'm already tired because I've just slept for seven hours in the past seventy two hours and my eyes are bleeding from lack of sleep but there's still work left - thats when I turned to BigBang. And I know that sounds weird because they mainly sing about parties and right? But its because they usually sing about things I dont particularly care about, that when they do sing about things that are important to me, it just strikes all the right chords. Do I make sense?

I've been listening to "Last Dance", "Blue" and "Loser" on a loop for the past week. Its not helping my mood to be honest. But I'm running out of songs to obsess over. What do I do?