I was first introduced to Super Junior in the beginning of 2011. I was living at a boarding high school and had a friend there who just wouldn’t shut up about these Korean guys. She kept on going and danced weird and sang weird songs while I rolled my eyes vigorously at her. She showed me pictures of them and I found them so odd looking and weird; one of them looked like a girl and only one of them was what I considered masculine at the time. She convinced me to watch a video with them because the masculine one, Siwon, had a fun part in it.

It was so weird. I was weirded out, yet completely fascinated by why the hell these guys were wearing wigs and singing what my friend told me was a girl group’s song. She showed me another video where they were themselves, instead of their alter egos from GG.

I am a little embarrassed to say that after she showed me that, I would go to my room in all breaks we had in class and replay this song, PARTICULARLY the Hanchul part that begins at 1.26. I went to a Christian school growing up and it wasn’t until ninth grade (15 years old) that I began realising there was such a thing as being gay (or just not being straight). It was the first time I had seen any ambiguous behaviour between men and I honestly found it super hot. Even though I am older and more experienced now, I still find that particular scene hot, though... I love it.

Anyway... My friend showed me a fanfic she had written and I got into the world of fanfiction. I’d previously read Harry Potter fanfiction and Tokio Hotel fanfiction, but those were always idolxOC, not idolxidol. There was a new world to explore, while I desperately tried to remember who the was who, when someone was a hyung (and why) and who held what position in the band. It was a period of much confusion but also much laughter and happiness.

June 2011 I graduated and left my boarding school. By that time, my friend and I had become used to spending pretty much all day, every day together. I moved to England a week after my graduation to work as an au pair and I missed her so bad. It didn’t help that the family I ended with was horrendous. I started listening more to SuJu, exploring new songs, and reading more fanfictions, because it was directly related to my friend; it reminded me of her. I wrote my first fanfiction in November that year, during a Saturday where I wasn’t allowed to be in the house for the mom of the family, so I drove to a parking lot a couple of miles from there and sat with my computer while writing.

I was diagnosed with depression in fall, 2010. It started a lot earlier, but that’s when I was diagnosed with it. Super Junior slowly became a thing that would make me laugh and smile, even when the world felt completely impossible. They were a comfort I could turn to. When 2012 rolled around, I was back in Denmark and started working as a full-time nanny. I earned more money than I ever had in my life, and when it was announced Super Junior was coming to Paris in March I did not hesitate to buy the ticket to go. I went alone, lived with a guy I’d never met for a week, and I had the best week ever. I explored Paris on my own, met a fellow Danish ELF who I am still friends with today, and just had fun. The day of the concert was nerve wracking. I had no idea what to expect, cause I’d never seen a full Kpop concert before.

It completely blew my mind.

Super Junior walked around the crowd and I got to touch Donghae and Ryeowook and someone after Ryeowook (but by then I was so dazed that I’d touched my bias that I couldn’t take anything else in).

I bought SS1, 2, and 3 in Paris and watched them within a week of coming home. I loved them, and so my love for concert DVDs started. I have 8 SJ concert DVDs, 3 Shinee concert DVDs, 3 EXO concert DVDs and 1 Infinite concert DVD. Yes, I am aware that I have a problem....

Second half of 2012 and the beginning of 2013 were really, really hard for me. I wrote a lot of fanfictions and it became therapeutic to me, a tool to help me express the depression that clawed at my insides. I wrote one that ended up basically telling part of my life story, and it means so much to me that I got the title tattooed on my arm almost two years ago, along with a giraffe. I started writing about it when I thought of a little boy with a plush giraffe. Two years later, it was longer than Harry Potter 3. I got the tattoo to remind myself how things can develop and how I can do anything as long as I set my mind to it. 

I went to see SuJu in London in 2013 as well. I used the concert as my guiding light, the thing I had to hold on for. If I hadn’t had that to look forward to and hold on to during 2013, I don’t know what would have happened.

Super Junior has opened an entirely new world for me. They’ve helped me gain friends all around the world, wonderful people that I would otherwise not have known existed, both directly and because of other bands I started loving after getting to know Super Junior. I have only two friends today that I didn’t get directly from Kpop. One is my best friend, who I’ve known for 18 years, and the other is my friend who introduced me to Kpop. I engage with Kpop every single day, whether it be writing, reading, roleplaying, listening, watching, or just looking down at my arm and seeing my tattoo. Super Junior gave me something to hold on to several times when I needed it. They were my safety blanket and my comfort ‘food’. There are some of the members I don’t like, some of them I am kind of meh about, but the group as a whole I love with all my heart. They have given me so much, in so many ways, and I am so incredibly thankful for that. While I might be more active in the Shinee and EXO fandoms right now, my heart belongs to Super Junior, to 15 boys who rocked my world and made it so much better in all the ways.

My next tattoo will be a pearl sapphire blue balloon. 

Until the world is covered in pearl sapphire blue balloons.

My boys, my angels... (If you get the reference, you get a cyber cookie XD)