So like this is my first blog and obviously the title would have told you that I am depressed. Yes depressed. Many would ask me "What do you have to be depressed about?". But they don't understand. 

My life long dream was to be able to pick up a career in the future that I wish to do and have the passion for. Now, my ambition is to be an idol. Yes everyone would say that this is an absurb idea and it is unrealistic.It doesn't matter if I, anonymous tomato, have an average voice, an average skill for piano. These skills can be trained and I am prepared if I ever need to train hard enough to be an idol. I can compose music but am afraid to tell my parents that I want a laptop so that I can compose music. And despite all my beggings to ask them to let me be in the music industry, they refuse. I can only lie in my bed and cry the night away only to wake up the next morning to find myself regretting not doing the things I like to do. 

I don't want to regret another decision again. My mother tells me that I have to be the best of the best in Singapore to even qualify into the music industry. If I want to be, I will do just that. But now all my dreams of becoming an idol is destroyed.

My mom tells me: "You study hard now. If your plan to become a musician fails, at least you have your studies to back you up." Even though what she says make sense but I have to say this. I only want to be in the music industry,nothing else. If all else fails, I would just have to perservere--there isn't a word called turning back in my dictionary. I only want to be a musician. I have given up on my dream to be a scientist. 

For years now, I have been hiding the fact that I want to be a musician so badly-- covering them with lies of wanting to be a scientist, a doctor. I want to tear this mask away. I want to pursue my dream. I don't want to pursue something that I am forced to like or something that I am forced to do.

What should I do? If anyone can help me or send advice, please do. I am really upset that children in Singapore have been trained and made to think that musical talents and sports are just hobbies-- it's the studying that makes us succesful. But what is the meaning of living a meaningless life just so that the pay satisfies our family? Please do send help if you can, and possibly, right away.