i don't know either... at first i thought to myself maybe i am just pms-ing. but this has been happening to me for months now 

okay i will be specific. i've been like this ever since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. i don't know what's happening with me but i must say that i have changed, i've noticed it myself.

i always surround my self with my friends to make me feel so occupied but deep down i still feel so lonely. i talk and laugh a lot with my friends and family and even make jokes with them but most of the time i feel like there's such a heavy burden on my shoulders and i try to hide the sadness that i feel deep down. i always keep my guard up.

i'm the type of person that cheers people up when they're down but ironically, can't even make myself happy. instead of bringing more negativity to others, i always tell them to look at the bright side of life even if i can't do that.

i don't like it when people would ask me if i'm okay because then i'd have to lie and tell them i feel perfectly fine. i'm afraid that they might ask me what's wrong and i wouldn't be able give them an answer. because truthfully even i myself don't know what is wrong.

i've always wanted to talk about this to my mom but i don't like to be emotional in front of her and i'm not good at expressing my feelings. i;m afraid no one would understand me. is it really too much to ask someone to understand?

when there's nobody else, i just stare blankly into space and contemplate about everything. i want to cry but i can't - i chose not to. i know i'm stupid, because i can't even cry when no one's watching. when i'm alone i still feel like i have to hide my weak self under my strong facade, and i will continue doing so until i could definitely say to myself that I AM NOW OKAY.