it's cloudy today.  it's nice and cold, just the way i like it, so i can cuddle in my blankets and write and drink endless amounts of tea and hot chocolate.  i feel happy with my friends surrounding me.

however, at the same time, why do i feel so much sadness?

i get these often, and im starting to wonder whether i have depression, whether i'm losing my faith, or whether something really bad is going on somewhere i have no idea about.  can someone tell me what it is?  i'm so used to having everything presented to me; i feel like a robot just waiting for orders, and i never do anything on my own.

God, i'm going crazy...

at the same time i'm listening to bts' "save me" and i'm dying on the inside the lyrics are so beautiful.

maybe I need love before I fall.

sometimes i wish i can have an angel come down from heaven and stay by my side.....

so they can save me.