So I have read the news about Kai and Krystal dating.

I am not opposing, but not supporting it either.

But this news has made me feel empty.

Just for you to know, I LOVE EXO VERY MUCH.

I have supported them since the first teaser was released. I bought almost every merchandise sold by SM in EXO's debut year because I knew they were not popular. I even attended SS4 twice as well as SMTOWN concert in order to see them with my very own eyes. 

My biases are Kris, Lu Han, Sehun, and Kai.

It was a huge blow for me when Kris left.

I did not see it coming.

I was so sad and disheartened because I know my chance to meet him (through concert) will be reduced.

He decided to pursue a career in acting, so no way he will hold a concert.

Luhan's departure affected me as well, but not as much as Kris' did.

After seeing his terrible condition in the Lost Planet Jakarta, I knew he wouldn't last long.

My prediction was proven true, and I could not bring myself to hate him.

He has a phobia for high place, so travelling with airplanes frequently must take a toll on his psycology.

With Kris and Luhan out, my very OTP, KrisHan was gone as well.

I decided to stay in EXO's fandom for Sehun and Kai.

I really wanted to stay until the end for them.

I admire Sehun and Kai perseverance for achieving their dream as dancers.

But what I found from the internet really affected my love for Kai.

I have nothing against his and Krystal's relationship at first.

Sure, my Sekai heart is shattered into pieces, but what can I do?

At first, I just think that my devotion towards Kai will be reduced after this dating news. I won't be able to support him as much as before because he is Krystal's now. It just doesn't feel right for me to stan and give too much love towards other girl's boyfriend.

But then, I found out that Kai lied to EXO-L.

Of course I know he lied when he said he considered EXO-L the prettiest and I think its normal. Idols tend to say sweet thing to their fans.

But what I mean is that he lied about his injury.

He told EXO-L that he hurt his knee (before Exoluxion Manila) during rehearsals, but the truth is that he hurt himself when he went skiing with Krystal before going to Manila.

, he made up stories and made us worried for his well-being.

Aside from that, I don't know why but I feel that his devotion towards dancing has inclined significantly.

I followed him since debut.

I fell in love with his dancing. 

I could see he poured all his love and emotions when he dances

He was so passionate, but now he is not dancing as well as he was before.

Kai, Jongin in the past would persist and keep performing despite injury.

But the current Kai would stop dancing for petty reasons.

I don't feel anything when I saw him dancing in front of me during EXOLUXION concert.

He was able to move me to tears by his dancing before, so why can't he now?

The other thing, I am so sad to see many previous EXO-L left the fandom.

When leadernim, myunsoo, dysanial, zitaos, etc. left the fanfic universe, deleting their journals and leaving EXO's fandom, I was terribly sad.

But many other EXO-L and fanfic writers, such as FishMeAnEXO, pcyosh, Jongyeolin, evoxine gave me strength to stay in the fandom.

However, some of these people will also left the fandom as they couldn't tolerate the hate they received anymore.

I lost my idols, I lost my friends and favorite writers.

I don't know if I can stay in this fandom any longer.

Everything is just to messed up and I lost my affection to EXO.

Exo was so dear to me, but now the love is almost vanished entirely.

I will need some time to make up my mind :(