baby I'm so lonely

Hi guys. This is a personal rant so if you don't want to read the whinings of a 20-year-old overemotional person, please do leave. Thank you :)

For a while I've felt like whatever I do is pointless. I mean yeah I write and make posters and go to school and of course I go out with friends but..even if I wasn't doing all these, I wouldn't be missed. If anything even those who I'm close with would just hang out with someone else. Yes, even my best friends. Heck one of them hadn't even written to me in forever and I hadn't seen the other in forever either... (She probably is busy and maybe has no time for me but I guess I shouldn't care. It's not like I don't hang out with someone else...) So it's not even me being jealous or anything.. I just feel useless. I feel like even if I disappeared no one would care. I've been preparing to leave the country and just... Start anew but I am incapable of doing even that. Not cause I don't have the money, not cause I couldn't find a school anywhere else just..just because I can't. My parents had been lying to me through the entire summer and all I am capable of thinking is how I knew what was going on, how they couldn't trick me and they still tried. (To make it all better they also overreact and then claim that I don't know anything because I wasn't here. It makes me feel soooo much better of course...(not). I hate being fooled and they kept trying and just that was driving me mad. I also have issues with school. I just don't want to go on with this. I don't like it. I don't want to move to the dorms I don't want to.. I just dot want to do anything. Of course when I feel like it has no use. I'm crying even now and yet it's like.. I feel so petty for whining about such minuscule things. I want to be stronger. I want to be brave enough to talk to strangers well, I want to be strong enough to goon with school and start liking it again. But I'm not. And what's going on here on aff is reflecting what's going on out in the real life too. I write and get comments because I'm popular but people barely talk to me, and even when they do it's obvious that they don't want to. Of course I'll just it up and disappear. I was supposed to go to this event with my friend next weekend but I don't think I'm going. Not in the mood to feel like someone else's replacement.

Then again..it's not like anyone seems to think I'm anything better than that.

A puny little replacement.

Comments

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Heartsmith #1 Oct 12, 2015 19:21:19

Just read this blog.. Let's be friend? :)

Clairy #2 Oct 12, 2015 11:01:08

I know, I kinda never comment - not on stories, nor on blog posts - but I just want you to know that you're not the only one who feels like that. Up there you just kinda described my life. So welcome in the club of people who have anxiety. ToT We're in the same boat, so wanna be friends? <- That's a really lame attempt, but that's the best I could came up with my social anxiety...

Donghae28 #3 Oct 11, 2015 11:12:34

https://youtu.be/vrdk3IGcau8

Hiirah #4 Oct 11, 2015 11:11:04

You absolutely can't think of yourself that way. you're not a replacement. without you this whole universe won't be the same, you carry a whole universe inside of you so you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. we've known each other for a long time right? (you used to be a designer at my shop) so you can always talk to me okay. i will try to help you. and it's sad to know you've felt this way. please do pm me if you feel like talking, or if you just wanna talk or get something off your chest. I've been in a similar position as your current situation, not exactly the same but i can relate. Talk to me okay <3

honeyxia #5 Oct 11, 2015 09:49:15

Hey there. Never talked to you before but I honestly am your fan and never do I think you're having a problem such as this. Be strong dear ♥ and if I can, I would love to be your friend. Honestly.

FreezingLove #6 Oct 11, 2015 09:43:18

I just want to tell you that I understand you. You aren't alone.
I'm here if you want to talk to someone!

PinkMoonlight #7 Oct 11, 2015 09:01:29

You know, I want to talk to you but I'm a shy creature and you're so famous so... But those problems? It will pass. I've been feeling that a lot too but I ignore that feeling through doing things that will distract me so I'm suggesting that you should just relax and distract yourself. Also, remember there's a group of people here that waits for you and your updates. ;)

pikakaehimesama #8 Oct 11, 2015 09:00:08

I know exactly what you're going through, (I think it's a 20-year-old life crisis kind of thing) But for me, I know how you feel about feeling pointless, cause honestly at school it feels like i'm not close with anyone anymore, nor is my best friend from high school doesn't seem that close. And the same with the whole moving out, and leaving. I have been trying to do it since I started college, but it's so scary.

I think however everything will work out in the end. I'm not quite there yet, but that's what I believe. I do believe that all these thoughts are to help us grow into better people even though they are currently stressing us out. And plus, you have everyone on AFF here for you, I'm here for you too if you want to talk about it .

Ji-Hoo #9 Oct 11, 2015 08:58:32

hey you shouldn't think like this about yourself...^^

sogol_hmh #10 Oct 11, 2015 08:57:14

don't worry its ok...Im here if u wanna talk

struckbyxiubaek #11 Oct 11, 2015 08:54:36

SENPAI NOTICE ME

Fantabulously #12 Oct 11, 2015 08:52:46

i can be your friend :)