The past few weeks, I have been in a bit of a nostalgic mood - the point is that I found my way back on this account. Last night, I even read one of my (very old) fanfics and couldn't help but think about writing it (and many others had changed my life). 

Four years ago, I went abroad after deciding that I wasn't a big fan of uni and wanted to try something else. Year and year again, I failed miserably as a nanny - but I've learned three languages (two fluently and one conversationally), so there's that. I kept on chasing a dream that wasn't mine, just because I was... scared, I guess?

I opened up my first freelance account in 2017, but it took me until last September to start taking it seriously (although I admit lacking time when being abroad also interfered). And... by this January, I have finally realized that I can really call myself a writer. 

This is what I have always wanted. Whether to write for myself or someone else, I craved a way to express myself and know I was doing a great job, but I was scared. 

What if people hate it?

It took me a pandemic and a minor breakdown (ha.) to get to the point where I 'didn't care'... but I also started to appreciate my work. 

Do I think I'm exceptionally talented? Honestly? No. And this is not me fishing for compliments; that's the truth. I'm not anything special by default: but I do my darned best to be. 

Yeah. I am a writer now. I mainly work on visual novels, horror stories (boo!), and choose your own adventure fiction - so no papers, no blogs, nothing crazy like that. All in good fun, although I do get paid for it (which is a huge plus). It took me a while to really start treating this as much job, and to this day, it gets tough (it used to be a hobby, an outlet), but I'm doing well!

So, what does that mean to the fanfic writer me?

I once promised myself to finish all the stories I have started - which is unlikely to happen solely due to being hyper-busy with work (that's a good thing:P). But I do think that from time to time, I will still post a thing or two - I can't promise anything, but I do work every day, so... maybe I'll find some time for it! I do aim to read through everything I have written and see how it can be improved. Some of my writing isn't half bad, the rest well...

I was young, alright? I admit it's funny to look back at my own work and view fanfics as a stepping stone... but I do believe that the support I got here, the friends I made (even if we don't talk anymore) inspired me to push on. In many ways, I was not okay when I was writing all those sappy-sad stories (and in many ways, I'm still not 'okay' yet) but they provided a way for me to be understood and cherished. So for that, I'm eternally thankful. 

To those who aspire to earn money with their writing one day: you can do it. It's not easy, and it's not always fun, but you'll end up doing something you truly enjoy. 

(but...do invest in a decent PC/laptop and the right software when you can. It'll save you and your sanity more times than you'd think.)