THANKS : 후찬석 FOR NOTHING
CONGRATULATIONS
HOO, CHANSEOK
WHY CAN'T YOU SEE YOUR WORTH?
what is the most beautiful moment of your life?
TRAITS.
POSITIVE analytical, humble, insightful, protective
the sage / the philosopher / the matyr ARCHETYPE
NEGATIVE awkward, clumsy, mechanical, reticent
the sage / the philosopher / the matyr ARCHETYPE
NEGATIVE awkward, clumsy, mechanical, reticent
IN ESSENCE.
EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD WILL WORK OUT
If knowledge is power, then Chanseok should be the ruler of the world with the amount of intelligence he has in his posession. Of the group of friends Hoo Chanseok is classified as the almanac, (self proclaimed) y brainac, and overall philosopher of the bunch as he is quite brilliant— not to brag or anything. Even though his body is made up of 60% water, everyone believes he's at minimum 95% logic and 5% emotion, which he doesn't find funny at all. Thriving on having reasoning behind every move he makes and desperately needing to have an answer to every question unanswered, he confesses that he is the most vulnerable when he doesn't know something or has to rely on his heart to answer when his head isn't the best way to approach certain situations. More often than not, people associate feelings of awkwardness when communicating with him as his analytical approach in life has restricted his abilities in properly socializing with others that aren't his close knit group of friends or the same minded association of academic scolars. He's the kind to over analyze and over think situations and will awkwardly lead with his left foot when he's supposed to lead with his right; but even if people have to invest in a dictionary and google the quotes he recites to understand half of the things he says, he still posesses a weird sort of charm when he educates others of obescure facts and witty jokes that somehow evoke interest and laughter when brought up in conversation.
Though his mind is basically an 8th wonder of the world, its his heart that is most sought after by everyone. As intimidating as he looks (standing tall at 181 cm, no insoles or anything that would distort his height, truly 181 cm on flat land while wearing converses; with a face that can only be described as a face a baffoon would love) and sounds (spewing ridiculous facts as fast as he can think of them), he's what the group calls the golden heart: the type to be there for anyone from the beginning of every race, rooting for you throughout the time and be standing at the end of every finish line, whether you won or lost. Despite the notion of Chanseok not having sense to communicate with others in most social environments and the emotional capacity of a rock, he does have the abiltiy to speak to others on a level that can resonate to the depths of one's soul. Unlike some people that believe that to comfort others they need to give them all the time and space in the world or have to understand every aspect of the problem that needs to be solved, Chanseok is the perfect balance of both ideas. Maybe it's from his analytical tendancies or just a natural talent but he is able to assess situations and implement the correct intervention for each person because not every human was made equal; some people need to be excessively coddled, others need to be given a slap of reality at the proper time, and the rest just need to let time to heal wounds. As absurd and philosophical as it sounds, Chanseok understands that humans were made for error but also built for improvement, and to accept such a theory is why the guys cherish him as much as they do and can't imagine anyone better to keep their friendship glued together and kept at equilibrium most of the time.
I BECOME MORE TERRIFIED (I GET TERRIFIED OF MY OWN IMAGE)
When people think of Hoo Chanseok they can only come up with the image of a robot: properly slicked hair, stone cold stares and scripted language precisely spoken in a deep, monotone-like way. Specifically brought up to be a student only parents wish to create and breed a million times over, this is the sole image that has followed Chanseok's name and reputation even after first impressions and interactions with him. Sure, he likes that he's respected for being smart and successful, often scoring in the top 1% of his classes and being given so many offers to advance far in life but he knows when a line is crossed from admiration and glorification to exaggeration. Most people that know of him only seem to know this first layer amongst the multiple layers of his onion-loving ogre self (yes, he's referencing Shrek, he is love and life) and its horrible. He thinks its horrible. He isn't dumb, deaf or blind to the stereotype blanketed on his true self: he can hear the mockery others have laughed about, where they make fun of his quote of respected innovators and theorists, and see them try to take advantage of his own intellect for their own purpose. He knows himself: he is a brain but he isn't anyone elses brain, and doesn't want to be prideful about his own abilities if that means others will either try to bring him down in the process. Thus, he thinks of himself of being the background of a stage of beautiful actors, always shying away when people want to genuinely (or not, he can't tell anymore) praise him. Its somewhat normal to see the pained expression on his face when people groan at his daily quoting of famous people and the tips of his ears glow a soft pink when he gets embarrassed when others look at him strangely after saying something eloquently (when in reality it's just him using vocabulary that mean the same thing as lay man's terms). Someday he would like to come out of the shadows and proudly stand as the intellect others don't try to make him be (especially his mother) but for now he's content with being where he stands as well.
But of what he can admit to in terms of his machine-like image, beyond the fact that his jokes are as dry and stale as saltine crackers processed 3 years prior, is the fact that he doesn't project his own personal emotions as easily as others. As natural as it is also a learnt trait, Chanseok has had years of development and practice hiding his true feelings from others and reciting pre-written lies of "I'm Okay" and "Nothing's wrong" perfectly to the point that it ends conversations as quickly as they can begin. Of anyone, he'd like to the thank his mother for instilling such a belief in him to be so emotionless, as she believed it was one of the biggest distractions he could have on his road to academic success; emotions means investment and investments meant distractions, thus it was better to be numb than to be sensitive if it meant to get to the top without too much struggle. Now a little older and wiser, but importantly at the top of the perch where he (seemingly) belonged, he's read enough Plato and Descartes to understand that a little bit of smiles and tears wouldn't hurt anyone; the problem was that it was easier said than done to be able to openly convey such sentiments to others. While he's a genius in accepting others for who they are and pampering them with unconditional love, he's his own critic and isn't ready to let anyone judge him either. Words of uncertainty and displeasure often feel heavy on his tongue when he has the urge to expose his mind to others, and when he catches glances of support and guidance from others he wants to delve in their eys and swim in the comfort, only to look away in embarrassment and fear. Even with close friends like EARTH and WATER have been people too hard to really confide in but little by little, with every moment he grows, he believes he'll eventually be able to open up about his private thoughts to others as long as others show that they're willing to listen and see beyond the metal plates of his built up reputation.
AM I HAPPY RIGHT NOW?
Overeall, Chanseok isn't completely happy of who he has become as he's in the beginning of his twenties. Surprising? Not really. People often forget that he's human too. He has a vast amount of insecurities and regrets for being primiarly book smart and longs to be as cool as his friends are (even if they deny that they aren't). But at the same time he likes being who he is; somewhat quirky, blessed with knowledge from closed and open minded theorists, and overall a good person who loves people for who he is. While he continues to look for more answers in the morning sky and comfort in between the stars of the night sky, he'll still be the ever so awkward, tripping over his own feet, kind of glue the guys need in their lives.
THE ANSWER IS ALREADY FIXED; I'M HAPPY.
TRIVIA.
• CASUAL LIST OF LIKES / Philosophy, Literature (preferably those pertaining of conspiracy theories or young adult romance novels), Music (Frank Ocean, The Weeknd, Jhene Aiko, Kanye West, Sage the Gemini, Beenzino, Primary, Standing Egg, Crying Nut, Zion.T— maybe he'll make a mixtape some day), Dogs (he's allergic to cats), Stationary and writing utensils, Puzzles, Being correct, s (over butts, unless they're guys, then arms and butts over chests), Cold Lattes (not to be confused with Iced lattes, he doesn't like them), Rainy days, Silence, Hugs, Reading, "Okay", Listening to laughter, Sunrises.
• CASUAL LIST OF DISLIKES / Heights, Loud sounds (fireworks, gunshots, etc), Surprises, Open spaces, Blood (paper cuts cause him to shriek like a little girl), Driving (he does have his license but no one, especially himself trusts him behind the wheel), Open ended questions, Having no direction or answer, Cats, Listing things, Tomatoes, Lukewarm water, Silence (it's a double edge sword), Supernatural , Sunsets.
• MAN'S BEST FRIEND / As of a year ago, he's adopted a (now) 2 year old dog that he's renamed Plato after originally misreading the dog's name tag (his original name was Pluto). the guys think it makes sense as Plato was one of the most famous philosphers in history and the dog is considered smarter than any of them (Chanseok included) due to his ability to sense danger from a mile away (angry food stall ahjummas, teenage girls on their periods, Chanseok's mom) and be able to find blankets and tuck himself in at any instance of time. prior to the roadtrip Chanseok contemplated bringing Plato along because he's never been alone before but through the word of his dad he's left his animal best friend in the care of someone he absolutely trusts.
• MODERN DAY COMMUNICATION / Chanseok is that annoying friend that will communicate in every single way possible just to get an answer out of someone. You literally can't hide from him. Whether it be through a phone call, video call, text message, kakao talk message, face book message, direct tweet, indirect tweet, comment on your instagram or vine, multiple snapchats—he will bother you until you answer him. Most of the time though he relies on text messages and kakotalk for communication purposes but he really goes crazy with snapchat when no one responds to him.
• HIS ROLE IN THE GROUP / When they eventually embark on their roadtrip that has been silently planned since they became friends, Chanseok is there to stand amongst the group and quietly plan activities they could do because what's a trip without having a plan set. He's the kind to think of plans labeled A to Z because he just doesn't like the concept of spontaneity, even though the rest do. Despite the driver most likely being WATER, for he's had his liscense the longest and trust him to take them on this seemingly endless journey, he also possesses a liscense but doesn't even trust himself by the wheel, thus only being a last resort option if water is too tired to continue (strangely trusting FIRE and WIND, those unlikely having the ability to drive legally, before himself). If anything, he's usually responsible for handling the GPS and manual directions if necssary.
• THEMOST USELESS BOY SCOUT / though not very common in South Korea, Chanseok actually posesses knowledge of a lot of skills in relation to camping and survival, but his execution of such intellect is so poor that he often directs others to do it for him. due to primarily being a god of destruction, he already knows not to trust himself when trying to create anything with his two hands, thus it often is a burden that people have to learn these skills from him. he talks as if he is going a million km an hour and the world is about to end when he does try to explain how to properly start a campire or create a fort with broken branches but even if he's difficult to learn from his instructions the concensous agrees that his explanations are definitely more clearer than reading from a book or instruction guide.
• ONE MAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE / after Jaegeun's death, but before his room was locked away from the world forever, Chanseok and the rest of the boys were given one last chance to physically feel the boy's presence by stepping in the room thanks to Geun's sister. while they promised each other not to ruin the integrity of the living space they all silently knew that each of them were going to walk away with a piece of Geun whether anyone cared or not. for Chanseok, as practical as he was, he took a small memo book hidden in the drawers of Jaegeun's desk; within the tiny black book were a multitude of notes and scribbles he had written over the year both posessing insignificance (grocery lists, reminders to finish his math homework, etc.) and meaning (he tries to hold back his tears when he comes across the page that shows a glimpse of Jae's uninhibited feelings and desperately wants to tell the others but he choose to just turn the page instead). while EARTH is the only one that knows Chan had taken the book, no one but him knows that the only other reason he took this particular memo book of Geun's— beyond the sentimental value of his handwriting had for Chan— was because the book was originally his and he was unaware that the younger had taken it from him until he found it in the younger boy's room. if Chanseok had found this fact out earlier (prior to Jaegeun's death) he'd probably scold the boy for taking it but wouldn't care for it later as it was just another book, but now all Chanseok can feel is a bitter happiness that is the fate that this situation happened to him of all people.
• CASUAL LIST OF DISLIKES / Heights, Loud sounds (fireworks, gunshots, etc), Surprises, Open spaces, Blood (paper cuts cause him to shriek like a little girl), Driving (he does have his license but no one, especially himself trusts him behind the wheel), Open ended questions, Having no direction or answer, Cats, Listing things, Tomatoes, Lukewarm water, Silence (it's a double edge sword), Supernatural , Sunsets.
• MAN'S BEST FRIEND / As of a year ago, he's adopted a (now) 2 year old dog that he's renamed Plato after originally misreading the dog's name tag (his original name was Pluto). the guys think it makes sense as Plato was one of the most famous philosphers in history and the dog is considered smarter than any of them (Chanseok included) due to his ability to sense danger from a mile away (angry food stall ahjummas, teenage girls on their periods, Chanseok's mom) and be able to find blankets and tuck himself in at any instance of time. prior to the roadtrip Chanseok contemplated bringing Plato along because he's never been alone before but through the word of his dad he's left his animal best friend in the care of someone he absolutely trusts.
• MODERN DAY COMMUNICATION / Chanseok is that annoying friend that will communicate in every single way possible just to get an answer out of someone. You literally can't hide from him. Whether it be through a phone call, video call, text message, kakao talk message, face book message, direct tweet, indirect tweet, comment on your instagram or vine, multiple snapchats—he will bother you until you answer him. Most of the time though he relies on text messages and kakotalk for communication purposes but he really goes crazy with snapchat when no one responds to him.
• HIS ROLE IN THE GROUP / When they eventually embark on their roadtrip that has been silently planned since they became friends, Chanseok is there to stand amongst the group and quietly plan activities they could do because what's a trip without having a plan set. He's the kind to think of plans labeled A to Z because he just doesn't like the concept of spontaneity, even though the rest do. Despite the driver most likely being WATER, for he's had his liscense the longest and trust him to take them on this seemingly endless journey, he also possesses a liscense but doesn't even trust himself by the wheel, thus only being a last resort option if water is too tired to continue (strangely trusting FIRE and WIND, those unlikely having the ability to drive legally, before himself). If anything, he's usually responsible for handling the GPS and manual directions if necssary.
• THE
• ONE MAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE / after Jaegeun's death, but before his room was locked away from the world forever, Chanseok and the rest of the boys were given one last chance to physically feel the boy's presence by stepping in the room thanks to Geun's sister. while they promised each other not to ruin the integrity of the living space they all silently knew that each of them were going to walk away with a piece of Geun whether anyone cared or not. for Chanseok, as practical as he was, he took a small memo book hidden in the drawers of Jaegeun's desk; within the tiny black book were a multitude of notes and scribbles he had written over the year both posessing insignificance (grocery lists, reminders to finish his math homework, etc.) and meaning (he tries to hold back his tears when he comes across the page that shows a glimpse of Jae's uninhibited feelings and desperately wants to tell the others but he choose to just turn the page instead). while EARTH is the only one that knows Chan had taken the book, no one but him knows that the only other reason he took this particular memo book of Geun's— beyond the sentimental value of his handwriting had for Chan— was because the book was originally his and he was unaware that the younger had taken it from him until he found it in the younger boy's room. if Chanseok had found this fact out earlier (prior to Jaegeun's death) he'd probably scold the boy for taking it but wouldn't care for it later as it was just another book, but now all Chanseok can feel is a bitter happiness that is the fate that this situation happened to him of all people.
ALL THE WORLD IS YOUR STAGE
and all the men and women merely players at your disposal.
PLOTLINE. ETHER (空) / the sky and heavens
THEIR BACKSTORY.
On the end of winter's lullaby and the beginning of spring's jubilee a scholar with big ambitions and a young girl with no dreams except for having a happy family brought home a little boy by the name of Hoo Chanseok. Being a born to such a young but prospering couple, the only thing his parents wanted was to see their little boy grow to be successful as they themselves were like at the moment; his father was on the way to breaking ground in the educational system, slowly climbing the ranks from being an average high school teacher to earning his degrees to become a university professor, while at the same time his mother was climbing social ladder with having an accomplished husband, beautiful child and comfortable home- all of which were things any woman in her late 20s would want in their life. But specifically between the two of them it was his mother who strived to see Chanseok succeed; between seeing her son choose money over all the other objects placed on his first birthday to hearing his first words being 'mine' when his small arms reached out for a book she was holding may have been the first indication that her hunger to see his success was beginning to bloom into a dangerous flower, but no one paid no mind to it as the ambition she had for him was admired across the board. Chanseok doesn't really remember when he first read a book by himself or where his first passing grade came from but he does remember the first look of disappointment that was shown on his mother's face when he did come home with his first failing grade. It was dumb, something so miniscule and unimportant in terms of the situation (because quite frankly he was in first grade, it was a surprise math quiz), but yet whatever the circumstances or details for why he didn't do well didn't matter to his mother as her shrill voice and the flood of tears staining her perfectly made up face bore a hole in his memory for years on end. From then on it just seemed that all Chanseok needed to strive for was a better image than seeing his mother so sad even if it meant having to trade comic books for literary classics, computer games for calculators, and smiles on his face for smiles on her face.
To put in layman's terms, Chanseok slowly became a prisoner of the education system: following it to a T and putting other's abilities to shame with how high his scores and rankings could go. Where some would put 100% in their studies he would put 200%, though he was really naturally gifted in being able to study with no problems ("Thanks dad" he mumbles to himself as he successfully memorizes another page of molecular chemistry) he would still read to his heart's content and be that obnoxious kid who was eager to learn more than what was already taught. And this was all for his mother. As strange as it would sound to others who would try to get to know him beyond the 1% title he held and the glasses he hid behind, not many understood why he would work so hard for his parents' approval when he had seemingly received it with all of the praise and accolades he already won with the mutliple awards that scattered the walls and the good remarks that were associated with his name as evidence of such achievements. But not many knew of the multiple moments when #2 wasn't as good as being #1, when listening to shouting and nagging were considered normal conversation habits from his mother, and silence and tears being things that he didn't want to see when his eyes threatened to shut after a long day of studying and working. But It was complicated to even try to form the words to start the sentences to defend his mother- to defend himself- from others and so it was easier to shrug it off, tell others not to worry and keep his head down as he was instructed to, even though the words to do so were never uttered in the first place.
And, not so surprisingly, life still continued to move on without Chanseok explaining to anyone why he was in constant fear of his "tiger" mom nor wanting anyone to hold concern for his obsession of having all the answers in his hands. Somewhere between junior and high school came a time where Chanseok thought he could finally breathe and live a little with everything being perfect: from his mother's pleasing smile seeing him strive to be accepted to one of the most prominent universities in Seoul, to his relationship with people that dared to call him their friend becoming more comfortable with his reign of his own controlling behaviors (slowly) beginning to loosen in his hold. It was a simple group of 5 lame punks with different personalities and stories that stormed his barracks and invaded his personal bubble of academia, but they were the kind of punks that Chanseok couldn't ignore even if he wanted to. Something about the chemistry they all had amongst the light breeze of laughter, to the blaze of competitiveness, the easy flow of conversation, the comforting grounding of skinship and the bright and dazzling smiles made Chanseok feel a little more real, a little more human with having them around. And even if he had to fit being with them amongst the schedules of cram schools and embedded practices of studying when he really didn't need to, they were important enough to him as it was the kind of comfort he realized he was missing all of this time of his own suffering to please the one person that was supposed to give him such necessities. Eventually after years of having a weight that was more than a ton or two, the final days at high school came without him even realizing and somehow he found himself stumbling over his feet instead of gracefully floating through the halls as real life began to settle in. Where his friends were slightly concerned that things would change with him and them being in different places in life, he only confidently smiled and reassured them that everything was going to be alright. It was natural to fear the unknown and even for someone as sedentary as him knew that taking a risk every once in awhile wouldn't hurt too much.
But what he didn't expect wasn't the unknown, but instead anticipate the expected. Because the funny thing about university is that it is exactly like what the teachers in high school warn their students of: how the secondary institution is more freer yet quietly as restricting as primary education, how the temptation of doing what you want becomes more evident and tempting beyond the desire to go wild on pleasures of drugs, , and alcohol, as passions hidden and repressed become exposed. The answers that Chanseok has come to believe to know aren't as clear in university and it becomes apparent that planning for one's future is easier said than done. The first year of university doesn't bring challenges that encourage and inspire him to look for more but instead are the reasons that force him to stay back a little, question himself why any of this is important to him, and frustrate him to the world's end when no reasonable explanations appear in his eyes as easily like they usually do. The second year doesn't fare as well as the first but surprisingly it becomes easier to dodge his mother's frightening looks and nagging in turn for burrying himself in self doubt and loathing of where he is (or in his mind, isn't) with his own peronsal sense of accomplishment.
It was then that for the first time in life he felt himself awaken from the dreams of his mother to see that he had little to no dreams of his own. He realized how much confidence he didn't have and yet have so much knowledge held inside of him without having a clue what to do with it. And as caught up as he was with himself he finally saw how out of touch he was with others; he was unaware that his father had supported him silently no matter what he would do (unlike his mother), that his sister that worked equally as hard as him yet seemed to live a better life, and that his closest friends that expressed concerns in worried glances and reassuring pats on the back to him also had their own problems too, but were instead veiled under the guise of the same "I'm Okay"s and "Everything is alright" that he too would give to them. Slowly but surely everything that he thougth he had built up- the stability, the prestige, the certainty of answers- was crumbling to his feet and the reality was that not everything was as definite as the text printed in textbooks and lectured in class felt like a punch in the gut. At the age of 21 years old he felt that the realization of such truth was the worst thing he had felt since first seeing his mother cry at his first failure of a simple pop quiz in primary school but nothing could ever prepare him for even worse news when he picked up the phone that fateful spring night.
To put in layman's terms, Chanseok slowly became a prisoner of the education system: following it to a T and putting other's abilities to shame with how high his scores and rankings could go. Where some would put 100% in their studies he would put 200%, though he was really naturally gifted in being able to study with no problems ("Thanks dad" he mumbles to himself as he successfully memorizes another page of molecular chemistry) he would still read to his heart's content and be that obnoxious kid who was eager to learn more than what was already taught. And this was all for his mother. As strange as it would sound to others who would try to get to know him beyond the 1% title he held and the glasses he hid behind, not many understood why he would work so hard for his parents' approval when he had seemingly received it with all of the praise and accolades he already won with the mutliple awards that scattered the walls and the good remarks that were associated with his name as evidence of such achievements. But not many knew of the multiple moments when #2 wasn't as good as being #1, when listening to shouting and nagging were considered normal conversation habits from his mother, and silence and tears being things that he didn't want to see when his eyes threatened to shut after a long day of studying and working. But It was complicated to even try to form the words to start the sentences to defend his mother- to defend himself- from others and so it was easier to shrug it off, tell others not to worry and keep his head down as he was instructed to, even though the words to do so were never uttered in the first place.
IN THE MOMENT OF FAILURE, WILL SOMEONE HOLD MY HAND?
And, not so surprisingly, life still continued to move on without Chanseok explaining to anyone why he was in constant fear of his "tiger" mom nor wanting anyone to hold concern for his obsession of having all the answers in his hands. Somewhere between junior and high school came a time where Chanseok thought he could finally breathe and live a little with everything being perfect: from his mother's pleasing smile seeing him strive to be accepted to one of the most prominent universities in Seoul, to his relationship with people that dared to call him their friend becoming more comfortable with his reign of his own controlling behaviors (slowly) beginning to loosen in his hold. It was a simple group of 5 lame punks with different personalities and stories that stormed his barracks and invaded his personal bubble of academia, but they were the kind of punks that Chanseok couldn't ignore even if he wanted to. Something about the chemistry they all had amongst the light breeze of laughter, to the blaze of competitiveness, the easy flow of conversation, the comforting grounding of skinship and the bright and dazzling smiles made Chanseok feel a little more real, a little more human with having them around. And even if he had to fit being with them amongst the schedules of cram schools and embedded practices of studying when he really didn't need to, they were important enough to him as it was the kind of comfort he realized he was missing all of this time of his own suffering to please the one person that was supposed to give him such necessities. Eventually after years of having a weight that was more than a ton or two, the final days at high school came without him even realizing and somehow he found himself stumbling over his feet instead of gracefully floating through the halls as real life began to settle in. Where his friends were slightly concerned that things would change with him and them being in different places in life, he only confidently smiled and reassured them that everything was going to be alright. It was natural to fear the unknown and even for someone as sedentary as him knew that taking a risk every once in awhile wouldn't hurt too much.
But what he didn't expect wasn't the unknown, but instead anticipate the expected. Because the funny thing about university is that it is exactly like what the teachers in high school warn their students of: how the secondary institution is more freer yet quietly as restricting as primary education, how the temptation of doing what you want becomes more evident and tempting beyond the desire to go wild on pleasures of drugs, , and alcohol, as passions hidden and repressed become exposed. The answers that Chanseok has come to believe to know aren't as clear in university and it becomes apparent that planning for one's future is easier said than done. The first year of university doesn't bring challenges that encourage and inspire him to look for more but instead are the reasons that force him to stay back a little, question himself why any of this is important to him, and frustrate him to the world's end when no reasonable explanations appear in his eyes as easily like they usually do. The second year doesn't fare as well as the first but surprisingly it becomes easier to dodge his mother's frightening looks and nagging in turn for burrying himself in self doubt and loathing of where he is (or in his mind, isn't) with his own peronsal sense of accomplishment.
It was then that for the first time in life he felt himself awaken from the dreams of his mother to see that he had little to no dreams of his own. He realized how much confidence he didn't have and yet have so much knowledge held inside of him without having a clue what to do with it. And as caught up as he was with himself he finally saw how out of touch he was with others; he was unaware that his father had supported him silently no matter what he would do (unlike his mother), that his sister that worked equally as hard as him yet seemed to live a better life, and that his closest friends that expressed concerns in worried glances and reassuring pats on the back to him also had their own problems too, but were instead veiled under the guise of the same "I'm Okay"s and "Everything is alright" that he too would give to them. Slowly but surely everything that he thougth he had built up- the stability, the prestige, the certainty of answers- was crumbling to his feet and the reality was that not everything was as definite as the text printed in textbooks and lectured in class felt like a punch in the gut. At the age of 21 years old he felt that the realization of such truth was the worst thing he had felt since first seeing his mother cry at his first failure of a simple pop quiz in primary school but nothing could ever prepare him for even worse news when he picked up the phone that fateful spring night.
"Chanseok... something happened. You need to come here now. We need you."
THE PRESENT.
Since the death of Yeom Jaegeun, back when he was 21 years old, he began to make bigger moves in his life and had finally moved out of his comfort zone of his parent's home, choosing to live in a small studio apartment not too far from his university and his friends' home (most likely being either EARTH or WATER). Many thought it was an action done in the spur of the moment, others thought it was a sign of his inevitable end with the silent pressure being too tough on him, but for him it was bound to happen and Geun just happened to be the catalyst to cause it to happen. At first his mother was enraged by this decision as it was a true slap of reality that her grasp wasn't as tight as she thought it was, but with a firm nod by his more understanding father and silent support of his sister they helped move him into the new space, and continued to be his main line of support as he began a more independent lifestyle. Though not completely cut off from his family finances, Chanseok did pursue a side job of tutoring and TA-ing at his university to make some sort of income while also juggling his studies and the process of getting over the stages of grieving for the loss of Jaegeun— both independently and together with his friends.
JUST TELL ME THAT I CAN SURVIVE
Present day, Chanseok is at the point of graduating university in something he doesn't believe in that he almost wants to give up right then and there. Sure, numbers and trends have been something so easily comprehenable and most logical to him, but the idea of living a life of being an accountant or economist abosultely terrifies the out of him. So he's stuck with the inevitable fate of graduating with a bachelor's degree in accounting and minor in economics. He knows he shoudln't have waited this long to divulge in this truth, as he eventually had indulged the trauma of abuse he had received from his mother to his father and sister— only receive love and understanding from them, but having come this far to complete such amount of schooling and give up would be a bigger burden upon everyone than just facing the music of pomp and circumstance as he walks down the stage to get his diploma, a visible frown etched on his face.
When the opportunity arises that he can get out of Seoul for a couple days (or weeks, he isn't quite sure how "quick" this trip really is, despite the assuring claims his friends give to him to make the situation sound more appealing than it actually is) he doesn't question the logistics as immediately as he usually would and accepts the offer. Sure, later on in the night he begins to feel the bile of panic rising in his throat after the realization of commitment he has accpeted has finally begun to digest in him, but for once he just has a good feeling about taking the risk instead of letting the opportunity run by.
He knows that the silent agreement amongst the group is that the trip "Isn't for Jaegeun, damnit. Its for ourselves" but even he doesn't believe in that. He doesn't even know where to begin with trying to find the silver lining in a spontaneous trip that may or may not change his life, solve his problems and/or heal his heart of all the stress he and others have put on himself, but he does know that he does dedicate at least 10% (though it really should be at least 50%) of the journey to the fallen ray of sunshine. As road signs whizz by and familiar streets become brand new he silently imagines seeing the younger boy nessled inbetween the middle seats where the youngest and calmest friends sit, and begins to ponder how life can restart for him without losing the progress already made after years of dedication and effort put to a cause that shouldn't be worthy of such success.
When the opportunity arises that he can get out of Seoul for a couple days (or weeks, he isn't quite sure how "quick" this trip really is, despite the assuring claims his friends give to him to make the situation sound more appealing than it actually is) he doesn't question the logistics as immediately as he usually would and accepts the offer. Sure, later on in the night he begins to feel the bile of panic rising in his throat after the realization of commitment he has accpeted has finally begun to digest in him, but for once he just has a good feeling about taking the risk instead of letting the opportunity run by.
He knows that the silent agreement amongst the group is that the trip "Isn't for Jaegeun, damnit. Its for ourselves" but even he doesn't believe in that. He doesn't even know where to begin with trying to find the silver lining in a spontaneous trip that may or may not change his life, solve his problems and/or heal his heart of all the stress he and others have put on himself, but he does know that he does dedicate at least 10% (though it really should be at least 50%) of the journey to the fallen ray of sunshine. As road signs whizz by and familiar streets become brand new he silently imagines seeing the younger boy nessled inbetween the middle seats where the youngest and calmest friends sit, and begins to ponder how life can restart for him without losing the progress already made after years of dedication and effort put to a cause that shouldn't be worthy of such success.
AND THE FUTURE.
When Chanseok was growing up the only plans for the future that were embedded in his head were the plans given to him by his parents: to exceed in his studies, to excel in his occupation of choice, and to live a life happy with people that loved him. Now (surprisingly), Chanseok has stopped thinking about what will come in the future— whether it be in five years, ten, or simply tomorrow— because he's come to terms that there's no point in anticipating things to happen when, in reality, anything is possible. He wasn't prepared to see himself struggle so much in university nor handle the death of Jaegeun and the inevitable distance between his friends. Thus unlike what is expected of him— overpreparing and overthinking of the worst case scenarios and letting life pass by, he'd rather take and treat each day as his last, making the best of it and ensuring that he won't go without having regrets for anything he has done.
He still hopes to keep some of his parents' wishes true: try his luck again at university studying things he's actually interested in after her graduates (going into medicine for graduate school actually sounds more appealing to him compared to continuing with accounting and economics) and eventually excelling in the field of his choice whether it be in a small impact or a world wide scale, but the one thing that he knows is for certain is that he's happy with life as of the moment; with the people that love him for what he's done and who he is. Maybe in the future, after all is said and done, he'll be happier and will be greeted with more people that care for him, but as of this moment he doesn't need to know or think about it because the truth of the matter is it'll happen someway, any way, and any day now.
When Chanseok was growing up the only plans for the future that were embedded in his head were the plans given to him by his parents: to exceed in his studies, to excel in his occupation of choice, and to live a life happy with people that loved him. Now (surprisingly), Chanseok has stopped thinking about what will come in the future— whether it be in five years, ten, or simply tomorrow— because he's come to terms that there's no point in anticipating things to happen when, in reality, anything is possible. He wasn't prepared to see himself struggle so much in university nor handle the death of Jaegeun and the inevitable distance between his friends. Thus unlike what is expected of him— overpreparing and overthinking of the worst case scenarios and letting life pass by, he'd rather take and treat each day as his last, making the best of it and ensuring that he won't go without having regrets for anything he has done.
He still hopes to keep some of his parents' wishes true: try his luck again at university studying things he's actually interested in after her graduates (going into medicine for graduate school actually sounds more appealing to him compared to continuing with accounting and economics) and eventually excelling in the field of his choice whether it be in a small impact or a world wide scale, but the one thing that he knows is for certain is that he's happy with life as of the moment; with the people that love him for what he's done and who he is. Maybe in the future, after all is said and done, he'll be happier and will be greeted with more people that care for him, but as of this moment he doesn't need to know or think about it because the truth of the matter is it'll happen someway, any way, and any day now.
I KNOW, ONE DAY AT A TIME; THE SUN GON' SHINE
IF THE SUNLIGHT COVERS US, IT'LL MELT
sunshine is over me she gets over me, make us feel alive.
THE FLOWER BOYS.
• FIRE : it's gettn' hot in here; so take off all your cloth— NO CHANSEOK DON'T SING THAT
Of all people, Chanseok knows that playing with fire can only lead to third degree burns, but having a friendship with someone like FIRE is something completely different. Obviously they aren't the closest of the bunch; often usually found arguing because FIRE is the only one that dares to prove Chanseok wrong, and FIRE generally finds him very awkward and embarrassing to be associated with because being the life of the party is harder to be when you have someone that doesn't exactly gel with the same dance moves as everyone else ("He looks like a dancing noodle, minus the dancing he's just kind of doing a rhythmical flail"), but their smarts prove to be comedic gold when situations are too tense in the group. Chanseok doesn't care FIRE that thinks of him like this because he was bound to run into someone that wasn't comfortable with his rigid ways and not laugh at his intellectual jokes but he respects the boy because he's the energy he knows he couldn't be even if he tried. He is low-key jealous of the presence FIRE has upon everyone because it can be so contagious and just makes everything better in the world, but at the same time is grateful because he doesn't know how he could live to such expectations if he was responsible for being the atmosphere of the group. In general, these two try to stay apart from one another for the sake of the group but at the same time know how important it is to have one another as they seemingly complete the traits the other is lacking in.
i am gettin' so hot i'm gon' take my clothe— HOO CHANSEOK STOP IT RIGHT NOW
• WIND : you take my breath away when i'm with you and without you i feel like i'm suffocating
Complimenting one another as WIND flies around and throughout Chanseok's open sky, WIND is the idealist to his realist philosophy. While he's unsure if the younger is actually listening to him or purposely ignoring him as an affectionate way to tease, Chanseok does his best to provide all the answers WIND is loooking for he provides, and in return gives him the fresh air that is happiness and hope that has been missing since the passing of Jaegeun. Seeing as the younger was a similar age to Jaegeun Chanseok has an silent responsibility over WIND and feels that he has the obligation to protect him from anything and everything in the world. Though he doesn't try to be as obvious with his doting like EARTH does with everyone in the group, WIND is well aware that Chanseok really cares for him with the amount of private instances of affection he gives to the younger (often his hand or keeping a hold of WIND'S thigh) to the multiple public donations to the "feed WIND fund" even if he doesn't need it. But of course not everything between them is hunky dory; though their isn't as wide as the younger with WATER, Chanseok knows he can't keep up with the free spirit that he is and often does get frustrated with his naivety to a lot of things in the world, but he usually gives up and waits for time to take its course and properly take the boy in the right direction because he knows he can't do everything for the young boy. At the end of the day, if there was anyone that Chanseok would want to be- even for just one day- he would love to take the time to step into WIND'S shoes and live a day in his life.
take me away, where the wind blows, to a better place than here
• EARTH : the ground shakes underneath my feet but you'e the one that keeps me grounded
While the sky's the limit to the amount of knowledge and theory Chanseok can possess and mull about, EARTH is the only one that can pull his head from the clouds and keep him grounded, making him feel and sound more human than he leads on to be. Where Jaegeun and WATER were the best of friends, WIND being too young to comprehend what he would have to say and FIRE not having enough patience to care what he theorizes about life, EARTH would be there for Chanseok to lend an ear and be the friend that Chanseok couldn't find in the others. Plain and simple— they're best friends. Or at least Chanseok considers him his best friend. He doesn't need EARTH to have reciprocate the feeling because he feels this way; It's just Chanseok really cherishes the man even more than the rest of the guys combined. From all of the hugs and shoulders given to the amount of time spent on sitting in silence or listening to music, Chanseok can't think of anyone better to give up so much for him that it makes himself feel so guilty for being so greedy, despite the gift of his presence being nothing but selfless love. And that's what distinguishes them from their roles. While both are known for being passionate about the others' wellbeing the only difference between the two of them is that Chanseok is more open to receiving whereas EARTH only can humbly smile and reject. There are times when he doesn't really know what EARTH is thinking because he's just as retitcent as he is, but then there are those glmmers of wavering glances when EARTH'S sleeve is about to burst with how big his heart is showing on it. And all Chanseok wants to do is take his heart in his hands and hold it, taking off the quiet pressure of his shoulders and letting him be selfish for once. If there's anything that Chanseok knows about (healthy) friendships is that as much as it is okay that you one wants to give, it's not okay if the giver never receives anything; Chanseok thinks he can give his all for the person that gives too much.
i can't seem to stand on my own two feet without you
• WATER : the tide is high but i'm holding on; i'm going to be your number one
As deep as the sea and as high as the sky is, the relationship between him and WATER is inmeasurable as there'll be days where they get along and others where they can't manage to see eye to eye. But don't assume the worst for these two; behind EARTH, WATER is undoubtingly the closest to Chanseok. The two share a good amount of similarities: both prefer logic over emotions, have eerily matching faces of stolidity, and can crack a good joke if the tried; but in every way they are similar there are obivous ways they are different. Chanseok feels like between the two of them, he is more open to be affectionate with a wider group of people whereas WATER is very selective, WATER is more flexible in his way of thinking where Chanseok is one to be too literal and is sometimes unable to think outside of the box, and most imporantly he is was Jaegeun's hidden treasure where WATER was the prize meant to be shown off. Since Jaegeun's death it's blatantly obvious that it had a bigger impact amongst the group than anticipated, but for Chanseok he could see the rumbling waves brew within WATER, and he wasn't sure there was anyone in the world that could control him as much as Jaegeun used to be able to. Though WATER was always the kind to be serious and not as warm as others would hope him to be, he only became worse than he originally was, as if he was drowning in himself. It's sometimes harsh fighting with someone that can easily overcome you but Chanseok would be one of the few (next to FIRE) that would jump in and try. He still wants to try to be a good, if not the best, friend WATER needs to have but the ever so careful him is well aware that he may fail and just fall into the deep tide with him if he isn't paying enough attention to the situation.
i'm not the kind of friend who gives up just like that, oh no.
• LIGHT : you are my sunshine, my only sunshine; you make me happy when skies are grey
Despite being dead for 2 years now, Yeom Jaegeun is as an important element to Chanseok's group of friends than the boy ever thought he was. The concept of light has always piqued Chanseok's interest as its properties are so complex despite the purpose being so simple. Most days Jaegeun would be the visible light, shining bright to highlight the good in the world— he's the type to look at the glass as half full rather than half empty and would bring a smile to Chan's face whenever he didn't get the top marks in the class but still holds a position in the 1% of the school ranking— other times he would be as vibrant as the rainbow, reminding Chan that it'd be okay to be a joyful yellow, hot headed red, envious green or tearful blue, but every once in a while he'd be the kind of light to feed him and the others energy that no other source could provide (whether it be food, sleep or any other drive) because he always seemed to be as delightful and radiant as the sun's rays; seeing him as often as any of them could usually gave them the glimmer of hope that there'll always be a better day.
While Jaegeun was still alive the two were fairly close, not exactly on the same level as him and EARTH but more of the same as him and WATER, where he was okay if Geun was as bright as a 1000 watt lightbulb or as dull as sunlight blocked by rain clouds. Despite having an Chanseok often viewed Jaegeun being a little mature for his age even though his smiles and laughter matched one of a 5 year old; he knew Jaegeun was a deep thinker and appreciated life in every aspect, but sometimes he would think too hard into such thoughts and would be unable to climb out of them without his or the others assistance. Chan often misses the dazzling smile of Jae's that had reminded him of a sunrise best seen near the water's edge but now whenever he thinks back to it he can only see the fading sunset that is the reality of the younger's obvious missing presence within the group and his own life in general.
you never know, dear, how much i love you; so please don't take my sunshine away.
OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.
• MOTHER : Hoo (nee: kim) hyeja / don't both asking / housewife / anxious, controlling, neurotic
/ where chanseok gets his intellect and strange humor from his father, the boy originally gets his rigid and slightly (but usually subdued) cynical outlook in life from her. though merely seen as a housewife, she is more than that as she is the one that really controls the circus that is her family. having high expectations for everyone because they are all intelligent and talented in their own ways she thinks that her role isn't to be a nuturer, to but rather a sargent to maintain the level of success her family attains. nine times out of ten she is often heard nagging her children to stay focused on their studies and berrates her husband when he isn't being serious enough in the moments when its necessary, but the only time she isn't heard screaming her head off when things aren't going her way are when she's with her other house wife friends, reeling in the praise for being in the perfect nuclear family and living the life other women wish they could have.
Between her and chanseok, their relationship is obviously strained for a multitude of reasons that end up to the fact that hyeja lacking the emotional capacity other mothers provide for their children and chanseok feeling incompetent and unable to completely fulfill the wishes she has for him in life. what originally started out with constant praise for bringing her the highest grades and top ranks in the school eventually became a never ending verbal (and mildly physical) harassment for him to do better than yesterdayand tomorrow. now, seeing as he has finally discovered that there is more to life than being number one and having all the answers only found in books, he dreads hearing her shrill voice and purposely avoids seeing her as he constantly thinks he is more of a disappointment than a figure of pride to her. deep down, past her ego and dissatisfaction, she feels sad that he thinks in such a way because she truly is proud of him and only wishes the best for him— the problem is really in her lack of knowledge of communicating this feeling— as it soley stems from an inability to correctly convey her feelings without it being misinterpreted for a negative connotation.
While chanseok is gone on the roadtrip their communication is very limted than it already is as he often rejects her calls (fearing for the worst that she's disappointed in him for going in the first place), and she often has to find out about his condition and well-being through the mediation of her husband as he is her representative and voice. eventually she will come to terms that he isn't perfect and will figure out how to give him the kind of love he deserves, but until then she's still deep in her roots of being the aggressively annoying tiger mom that is seperated from the reality that everything is actually ok and going to be okay.
/ where chanseok gets his intellect and strange humor from his father, the boy originally gets his rigid and slightly (but usually subdued) cynical outlook in life from her. though merely seen as a housewife, she is more than that as she is the one that really controls the circus that is her family. having high expectations for everyone because they are all intelligent and talented in their own ways she thinks that her role isn't to be a nuturer, to but rather a sargent to maintain the level of success her family attains. nine times out of ten she is often heard nagging her children to stay focused on their studies and berrates her husband when he isn't being serious enough in the moments when its necessary, but the only time she isn't heard screaming her head off when things aren't going her way are when she's with her other house wife friends, reeling in the praise for being in the perfect nuclear family and living the life other women wish they could have.
Between her and chanseok, their relationship is obviously strained for a multitude of reasons that end up to the fact that hyeja lacking the emotional capacity other mothers provide for their children and chanseok feeling incompetent and unable to completely fulfill the wishes she has for him in life. what originally started out with constant praise for bringing her the highest grades and top ranks in the school eventually became a never ending verbal (and mildly physical) harassment for him to do better than yesterday
While chanseok is gone on the roadtrip their communication is very limted than it already is as he often rejects her calls (fearing for the worst that she's disappointed in him for going in the first place), and she often has to find out about his condition and well-being through the mediation of her husband as he is her representative and voice. eventually she will come to terms that he isn't perfect and will figure out how to give him the kind of love he deserves, but until then she's still deep in her roots of being the aggressively annoying tiger mom that is seperated from the reality that everything is actually ok and going to be okay.
• FATHER : Hoo Seonwoong / > 3 + wife's age / professor at yonsei u / jocular, relaxed, savvy
/ hoo seonwoong, despite being the head of the family, usually feels like he's the wife in the relationship he has with hyeja. he is seen as the more empathetic and supportive figure parent between himself and his wife and the children obviously recognize this— to the point where they sadly admit that they'd rather talk to him about all their problems than their mother, even ask for a hug or two when they really need it. chanseok really idolizes his father for his ability to remain calm, cool, and collected at times of suffocating pressures and tension and used to want to be similar to him, which he almost achieved if it wasn't for his mother breathing down his back. the boy often confides in his fears of not knowing all the answers that aren't written in textbooks and seonwoong happily fills in the blanks with the truth that such answers are for him to find spontaneously, not immediately. despite his kind(er) heart the hoo children know that they should never have their guard down as their father is a scolar and will obviously get disappointed in trivial things such as grades, but won't make it as a big deal compared to theirpsychotic mother.
While chanseok is gone on his own adventure to figure out what his life has in store for him through a roadtrip with his friends, seonwoong is responsible for maintaining communication between his son and wife while also dogsitting plato for chanseok. thankfully through multiple lessons from his daughter he has learned how to text chanseok dad jokes, embarrassing selfies of himself and memes he finds on naver and pann, an occasional video of plato, and a hoard of encouraging messages to read when chanseok awakens and goes to sleep. chanseok really appreciates the messages he gets from his dad and gives him hope that things will be better when he does come back from his self discovery.
• SISTER : Hoo Chaelim / 16 / she's not important to the story, just another name to know.
/ hoo seonwoong, despite being the head of the family, usually feels like he's the wife in the relationship he has with hyeja. he is seen as the more empathetic and supportive figure parent between himself and his wife and the children obviously recognize this— to the point where they sadly admit that they'd rather talk to him about all their problems than their mother, even ask for a hug or two when they really need it. chanseok really idolizes his father for his ability to remain calm, cool, and collected at times of suffocating pressures and tension and used to want to be similar to him, which he almost achieved if it wasn't for his mother breathing down his back. the boy often confides in his fears of not knowing all the answers that aren't written in textbooks and seonwoong happily fills in the blanks with the truth that such answers are for him to find spontaneously, not immediately. despite his kind(er) heart the hoo children know that they should never have their guard down as their father is a scolar and will obviously get disappointed in trivial things such as grades, but won't make it as a big deal compared to their
While chanseok is gone on his own adventure to figure out what his life has in store for him through a roadtrip with his friends, seonwoong is responsible for maintaining communication between his son and wife while also dogsitting plato for chanseok. thankfully through multiple lessons from his daughter he has learned how to text chanseok dad jokes, embarrassing selfies of himself and memes he finds on naver and pann, an occasional video of plato, and a hoard of encouraging messages to read when chanseok awakens and goes to sleep. chanseok really appreciates the messages he gets from his dad and gives him hope that things will be better when he does come back from his self discovery.
• SISTER : Hoo Chaelim / 16 / she's not important to the story, just another name to know.
TONIGHT, I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK
my life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.
WHAT DOES HAPPINESS MEAN TO YOU? :
"Happiness used to mean getting the best grades and highest rankings" Chanseok sighs, looking off into the distance despite a man sitting patiently across from him, staring back at him unfazed by the younger's inattention to him.
"So what does it mean to you now?" the reporter asks, restating the question and inadvertantly asking for clarification from Chanseok.
"I'm not quite sure myself," he chews his lip, wracking his brain for an intelligent answer, "I was so sure that success was my happiness but seeing someone potentially successful be unhappy made me think about the concept again."
"But I think the closest thing to happiness right now is knowing I have made sure someone else is happy. Whether its something I said or did or just a statement confirming it, it— its the closest thing to making me feel happy."
"Happiness used to mean getting the best grades and highest rankings" Chanseok sighs, looking off into the distance despite a man sitting patiently across from him, staring back at him unfazed by the younger's inattention to him.
"So what does it mean to you now?" the reporter asks, restating the question and inadvertantly asking for clarification from Chanseok.
"I'm not quite sure myself," he chews his lip, wracking his brain for an intelligent answer, "I was so sure that success was my happiness but seeing someone potentially successful be unhappy made me think about the concept again."
"But I think the closest thing to happiness right now is knowing I have made sure someone else is happy. Whether its something I said or did or just a statement confirming it, it— its the closest thing to making me feel happy."
WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GO ON THIS ROADTRIP? :
"DON'T ASK THAT. HE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE." a voice, oddly remniscent of FIRE, shouts out in the next room over. Chanseok shakes his head and curses under his breath but gives a smile to the reporter sitting across from him.
"Ignore him; He's a douche" he chuckles, imagining his friend probably throwing up the middle finger at him with a cheeky smile, "Anyways I just went with it for once. I'm never the one who ever comes up with these grand schemes but I am the voice of reason against such plans. But I just went with it" He pauses and continues, "Oh and I always ends up having to coordinate it when no one else wants to, so they had to have me come."
Chanseok thinks again back to the moment when the idea of when the trip was first thrown around as an idea to escape the suffocation that was their lives at the moment. He distinctly remembers the light igniting in FIRE and WIND's eyes, the slight raise of an eyebrow from WATER and the hesitant shrug from EARTH. Even with the amount of convincing from the vibrant boys, he couldn't help but look back at EARTH for some kind of reassurance, and figures that he was probably another reason why he came too.
After all, there was no way he was going to let his best friend go out and about without him.
HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN YEARS :
"I—" he begins but stops himself as the first words that come to mind are a string of ideas that are narrated in his mother's voice.
"I—" he begins but stops himself as the first words that come to mind are a string of ideas that are narrated in his mother's voice.
You'll be successful and a great son to us, Chanseok.
If you play your cards right, your life will be set.
If you play your cards right, your life will be set.
"I—" he hesitantingly continues, trying not to cringe at his mother's voice playing on a continuous loop, "I see myself being different from who I am today. I think I'll be a better version, maybe working a standard job or out celebrating my riches, but I will be a better person than I am now."
He pauses and takes a breath before finishing his thought, "10 years is a long time thought. We thought Geun was going to be here yesterday— but he's not— so I don't know if I will either at this point at least. But the most realistic thing I can see is that I'll be better than who I am now."
BUT ARE YOU TRULY HAPPY? :
"Excuse me?" Chanseok raises an eyebrow, "You just asked that."
"No I didn't. I asked you what happiness means to you, now I'm asking if you're truly happy.
So, Are you truly happy?"
Chanseok takes a moment to think as he finds himself facing a metaphorical wall listening to the question. As much as this shouldn't rattle him, there's something about its simplistic phrasing that has shook him up with an equally chilling shiver crawling down his spine. He wants to give an answer but he barely is able to form the words to respond, let alone unable to find the will to open his mouth in the first place. Though it wasn't the first time he didn't know how to answer something, it was the first time he wasn't confident in having one.
Not even glancing up at the reporter he barely chokes out, "I don't know", before looking up with a blank look on his face.
"I actually don't know"
"Excuse me?" Chanseok raises an eyebrow, "You just asked that."
"No I didn't. I asked you what happiness means to you, now I'm asking if you're truly happy.
So, Are you truly happy?"
Chanseok takes a moment to think as he finds himself facing a metaphorical wall listening to the question. As much as this shouldn't rattle him, there's something about its simplistic phrasing that has shook him up with an equally chilling shiver crawling down his spine. He wants to give an answer but he barely is able to form the words to respond, let alone unable to find the will to open his mouth in the first place. Though it wasn't the first time he didn't know how to answer something, it was the first time he wasn't confident in having one.
Not even glancing up at the reporter he barely chokes out, "I don't know", before looking up with a blank look on his face.
"I actually don't know"
USERNAME. whatsgood
ALIAS. mya
ACTIVITY LEVEL. what is activity
COMMENTS/QUESTIONS/CONCERNS.
/ literally i apologize for not following any sort of rule because this is just long as and probably not what you want for ether. but i'm in love with the story and i'm so excited to see what you ahve in store for everyone. i hope you don't mind that jaegeun represents the element of light for chanseok and i hope everything makes sense because if not i'm going to grumble a bit before writing things again because i don't know. i'm emotionally constipated right now with the bts prologue and now this fic and just life in general. but i'll do it out of the love i have for this story. good luck with everything, please don't beat me down too hard if i really did mess up, but then again i'm prepared for anything you have to throw at me. thanks for reading and have fun okay? ♡
ps. i left you a playlist chanseok would probably listen to in the main picture.
/ literally i apologize for not following any sort of rule because this is just long as and probably not what you want for ether. but i'm in love with the story and i'm so excited to see what you ahve in store for everyone. i hope you don't mind that jaegeun represents the element of light for chanseok and i hope everything makes sense because if not i'm going to grumble a bit before writing things again because i don't know. i'm emotionally constipated right now with the bts prologue and now this fic and just life in general. but i'll do it out of the love i have for this story. good luck with everything, please don't beat me down too hard if i really did mess up, but then again i'm prepared for anything you have to throw at me. thanks for reading and have fun okay? ♡
ps. i left you a playlist chanseok would probably listen to in the main picture.
SCENE REQUESTS.
a scene with someone crying behind the wheel when driving somewhere and thinking of jaegeun. that's all.
a scene with someone crying behind the wheel when driving somewhere and thinking of jaegeun. that's all.
THE GOLDEN TICKET. guys this reminds me of this one theory on... (bg: everyone groans)
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