This is just a little brain fart of why I've been procrastinating updating. I've been really good about updating on average every other day with my current fic. I was just going with the flow and writing whatever came to mind when I wanted to post a new update. But then all of the pieces fell together and I was able to sit down and write a plot line of everything that is going to happen in the rest of story. It's just about 7 or 8 bullet points that each summarize like a few chapters worth of events. So I feel super relieved that my story has direction and it won't just wander off into a quick wrap up and end with a bunch of unanswered questions.

But what I'm struggling with is that I don't want the story to be too long. I personally LOVE really long fics. Two of my favorite fics on AFF are Irony and The Blood Brother Code, one being almost if not exactly 80 chapters long and the other being pretty much 100 chapters long with additional bonus chapters. I kind of want to have a long fic but I don't want it to drag on and I don't want the length of my story to intimate people from reading it. 

I don't know why I'm worried about this bc tbh I write fics for myself and I write really cliche plot lines because a. I find them entertaining and b. I feel like it's every writer's right to be able to explore whatever kind of stories they want, no matter how overdone or popular the story is. There is a lot more I could say about that but I'll stop there for now. But I think the real reason why I don't want to write is because the next part of the story could seem unrealistic to some people. I think it's totally plausible, especially with a bunch of immature 16/17 yr old high school kids, especially in South Korea where kids get ostracized and whoever hangs around them or tries to help can often get ostracized too. But I shouldn't worry about how realistic it is because as long as it makes sense to me and I can make it clear enough for other people to understand, then it will be fine. Plus its a freaking fanfiction for gods sakes, all of it is made up for entertainment purposes. 

Lastly, I need to push myself to include more in each chapter. Recently I have been writing late at night in my school's library bc I'm a horrible procrastinator, so often when I'm writing I'm tired and not very creative. So this just makes me want to have stuff happen and then once it hits 1k words, post it and be done with that. And that's not a good mindset to have. I have to force myself to just go ahead and write the story and not try to post a bunch of short chapters, but rather more medium/long ones of a decent quality. Again though, I do have the story planned out now so I shouldn't have to worry about not knowing what is gonna happen next and end up posting a quick 1k thing and then coming back 2 days later and do the same thing over and over again. 

Typing all of this out got rid of a lot of my worry or blockage or whatever. Now I'm going to go shower and write a whole bunch more of Rude Boy and probably post a new update in a few hours. I think a lot of my frustration came from the fact that the next section of the story (like, 10+ chapters or maybe more idk) are going to be very frustrating to write and also read, but I think we can get through this together lol.