There are quite a few reasons why I wrote this "open letter." I would like to share this and since I know no one knows me here, it would be good to pour out my feelings. 

I'll start by telling our story.

Remember when you first said "Hi!" to me? We've been schoolmates for almost 7 years but it was only that particular school year that you noticed me. I've known you by face and name but I couldn't really care less about you until it happened. You said Hi and I thougt you were hideous (I know, I've always been a meanie. I don't know but I'm impressed by how you handled me). You asked my bestfriend for my number and I would be lying if I said I didn't know what was coming. I was young but I'm not stupid. I know all those "moves" used by "boys" like you for advances. 

I said yes because, hey I was already in my last year high school (or 10th grade) and it would be cool to know more people before leaving the school where I literally grew up. And like normal teenagers, we engaged in texting. You called me a couple of times and after telling you that I don't answer phone calls, you finally stopped. And yes, I missed hearing your voice on the phone.

Instead of calling me, you flooded me with sweet messages. Always asking me what I like, how I feel and always telling me how beautiful I am. As days passed by, from looking like a mono lidded frog, you turned into a dashing prince to my eyes.

I learned more about you and you learned more about me. 

Remember when your friend, who's my bestfriend confessed his feelings for me? I asked you what would you do. And all you said was "May the best man wins."

And there, I really thought I "loved" you. I was young and naïve. I did not know what love was and confused what I felt for love. I rushed myself.

I broke the promise I made with my young self that the only guy, besides my dad, who'll hear my "I love you" will be the guy I'm marrying. 

I rushed myself. I told you I loved you. 

I really thought I did. 

But then you became annoying in my eyes. After courting me for a year, and thinking I'd be yours, I became cold. I was pissed at you for no relevant reasons but you remained patient at me.

I started college and you were at the last year of high school. I met new people and discovered new things. You said you'd wait for me.

You thought all those annoyed response you got from me was due to stress but no. I was just annoyed at you. I got tired of you.

Then our communication went on hiatus. You had nothing from me and I heard nothing from you. Until before the Valentine's Day of 2012. I thought I should give it a try again. 

I really believed that I "loved" you. 

I approached you first and tried to be the sweet me again. And you reciprocated.

Until Valentine's came and all I got from you was a simple greeting through text. I thought there would be more because that's your thing. You would randomly pop up in our house and surprising me witj something.

Little did I know that the surprise was bigger than I expected.

My little sister told me how you sang for her in front of the whole student body in your school, which was my previous high school. Where we met. Where everyone knew we had something going on.

I stopped texting you, but you kept on approaching me.

Long story short, you were courting her and yet you still act as if nothing's happening. You tried to make a fool out of me. Was it revenge?

Then your relationship with her became official. Something we never became.

And we never had closure. I was left hanging. You still tried to make me believe we'd try again when in fact you finally moved on.

Of course I was mad. You know it best how I feel whenever someone tries to make me into what I'm not. And you know very well that I am not a fool. 

You kept approaching me after knowing that I am, indeed, mad. 

She got the wrong stupid idea that I was running away from you so you could chase me. Nagpapa"bebe" ba kumbaga.

But I wasn't. I was genuinely avoiding you because I'm angry. And nothing good comes out of me when I'm angry.

So me and her got into an argument. She even had the guts to call my sister a liar.

But fortunately, everything went smoothly and fixed in the end.

But hah, you're relationship only lasted for a month so yeah karma's a ing .

The bottomline is, I was never inlove with you. I was inlove with the idea of love because one) I'm naive and young, two) I was one of the only two remaining girls in the class who never had a boyfriend and three) I've always been a er for sweet, poisonous words.

This was the closure I was looking for. 

Me admitting that I only liked you and the idea of love. I was never inlove. But you're still lucky I gave you my first "I love you". And this may sound bad but I regret telling you those words because now I know, deep down in me, I knew I didn't.

I'm still thankful though. Because I know you genuinely liked me (guess who's still coming back to me. But seriously. You need to stop). Thank you for dealing with me and appreciating me. Thank you for accepting my flaws, weirdness, and my family's weirdness. it was hard to deal with, I know.

I know someday, you'll find someone who'll stand up and tell everyone that she loves you. But that would never be me. 

Thank you and goodbye.