Who do I need? Why do I need it? What's inside your head? What are you thinking? What do you think of me? Can you read my mind? Do you know what I'm thinking? Why I think so much, unlike my friends? Why I don't study? Why I force myself to hate food? Why do I still eat if I hate food? Why you guys are so curious? Why can't I speak my feeling out loud? Why I have no real besties? Why humans are cruel to each other? Why I care? Why I pretend to care? Why I always got an earful for your behalf? 

Why people always asking about you, from me? Why your brain works better than me? Why I share my problems on th eInternet? Why I hate myself so much? Why am I too fat? Why am I too dumb? Am I that ugly? Don't I have any conscience? What is conscience by the way? 

The list would go on and on. All these questions an question marks itself are making me dizzy. These small, whisper-like voices won't fade away any time soon. They love to hang around in my head longer than it should. Is that okay? Is that normal? I don't really have a friend to talk it out, so that's why I'm writing it up here. People you faced everyday are not the ones you should trust. Like seriously, they love to -talking about you form behind. Trust me, I knew it.

I wish one day, I can be someone.

 (okay the subject is changing and it's going to be a lengthy rambling. don't waste your time reading this) 

Every living person I met through out this year put their expectation on me. They want to see me be 'someone'. But I don't really sure myslef. I mean, just when I though I was good at this thing, came this dude, that  happened to be much better at it than I thought I would be. The cycle goes on and I am afraid that I had been running out of time and even luck. There's nothing that I'm trying to do that matches me that well. How can I 'someone' then?

Is it because I was ungrateful for what I had been granted with? Should I give up halfway? But there are still so many htings to see and explore. My body won't allow me to sit back and relax. But my soul is damn ill inside. Relaxing won't help even for a bit. I don't know what it wants and I really am starting to get angry with myslef. For being so stupid! 

Why? Simple. Because I care for other people too damn much than myself! I try to understand someones that not even related to me, a tad too much than my own wailing feelings. I was lost in helping others. I was too passionate about it. That I forgot to breath and took care of my own self. I forgot that I should ask my soul too, what does it wants. How is it doing today? Did it enjoy its day? 

No... a big friggin no! I neglected it for some strangers problems! It's funny much, I must say. Well, I jumbled it all up here. I'm gonna off from this world for the time being. Be back...tomorrow? Dunno, who cares. :)