“I always feel like I’m struggling to become someone else. Like I’m trying to find a new place, grab hold of a new life, a new personality. I guess it’s part of growing up, yet it’s also an attempt to reinvent myself. By becoming a different me, I could free myself of everything. I seriously believed I could escape myself-as long as I made the effort. But I always hit a dead end. No matter where I go, I still end up me. What’s missing never changes. The scenery may change, but I’m still the same old incomplete person. The same missing elements torture me with a hunger that I can never satisfy. I guess that lack itself is as close as I’ll come to defining myself.” —  Haruki Murakami

PERSONALITY TRAITS »
                            
                                      charismatic, passionate, intelligent, nurturing 
                                    ambitious, straightforward, sharp, perfectionist
                                            stubborn, picky, overdramatic, sensitive
PERSONALITY »

where you have class and sophistication, you have kim hanbyul at the frontline armed with coal black eyeliner and a posture to kill. crown or no crown, the world is in the palm of her hands. a true force of nature, she silences people as they make room for her. she oozes charisma down to her fingertips so it's no wonder people are often intimidated by her. at the heart of every problem awaits kim hanbyul and her sharp senses to fight, solve, and still manage to maintain perfect hair. she's the perfect heroine, intriguing and inspiring but impossible to grasp, she is far from simple. if you aren't blinded by her charms or beauty, you start looking a whole lot closer and seeing, not a concept, but an enigma binded in multiple dimensions. hanbyul has direction and with direction, she takes control and charges headstrong. WIth incredible persistense and the sharpest senses to boot, she is often associated to a goddess of fire, lighting pathways and burning those that come between. she is intense, able to see beyond facades and cut right to the core of a person.  stepping into the world of kim hanbyul requires patience first and foremost as it is one of the qualities that she herself lacks. it is highly advised to avoid clashing with this ball of extravagence and nasty temper due to situations that call for life or death and eternal humiliation, courtesy of kim hanbyul herself. with actions that reflect only the most superficial, there are many who tend to overlook her intelligence and effort. what they don't see is a realm of knowledge bubbling in the girl's brain, itching to correct errors and shut down misguided opinions. always able to find a solution to anything and everything but unable to stay the least bit modest, she is seen more as an airhead and is therefore discredited immensely.

     maybe i don't like people as much as they like me but occasionally
       people surprise me and i'll fall in love with them so go figure

At every point and edge of your life, you'd somehow be able to hear hanbyul's shrill voice offering useless gossip and small talk no matter how far you are. although that's what it sounds like to people, most of her words have purpose, deriving from an overflow of thoughts that travel in and out of her head but translate into noise. it takes effort and concentration to organize them but her impatience outruns them, causing her to act up and unintentionally shoving all those little thoughts down people's throats. those who know hanbyul explain her behavior with great difficulty as both her words and actions blare furiously like red sirens. her input in conversations may be unnecessary and pointless at times but there is so much to her, so much that she does, so much she has to do as someone with a new list of goals at the beginning of every week. knowing hanbyul, she finds a way to  satisfy her wants and needs and ultimately have the final say. for such a tiny body frame, she's fearless when it comes to voicing her thoughts and opinions to the point where fights are bound to break out. watch your back because this girl will come at you with the sharpest comebacks, verbal and physical, and you wouldn't even see it coming. it takes a lot to faze her much less amuse her and she won't hesitate to bring you down either way.

     OH GOD THIS IS BAD I ACCIDENTALLY SHOWED SOME WEAKNESS EARLIER TODAY
                  IT WAS DISGUSTING I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT

with negativity constantly surrounding her life, it is essential that she finds balance and order within herself as she expects things to be in tip top shape. she is never one to settle for anything less and what you might call 'good' isn't good enough in her book. before anything else, she expects the worst and prepares for the cold hard truth before making the next move. trust is a sworn enemy that she treads through with caution, having been tested and played by it enough times in her life. her experiences only conditioned her habit of sniffing out all defects, creating the perfectionist she is today. consumed by her competitive heart, hanbyul constantly strives for first place therefore setting excessively high standards. accompanied by a vigorous drive to win, she is one to never look back to let others catch up. while there are those who commend the femme fatale, her advantages can also be the very poison that hurts her in the long run. she can land first place but it doesn't mean that she is completely satisfied either. in all honestly, winning has no real value to hanbyul, it's how she wins that matters in the end and the things she gains from them. there will always be something in the back of her head nitpicking at the smallest things despite any compliments or reassurement. hanbyul has her moments where the world stops and she brings people down along with her to swim through her problems also finding it difficult to let go of things that she simply has no control over. either way, once the wicked witch snaps and her flames of fury unleash, pave way for the most ridiculous fiascos of your life.

          *silently weeping* why am i such a loser i hate this,
           GETTING ALL emotional over someone is such a hassle to me

one would never imagine hanbyul backing down ever much less being defeated by anyone because in the end, her biggest enemy is only herself. there is nothing more agonizing than the sound of her own inner voice drilling into her very heart to out all the exaggerated confidence she attempts to muster up. these overreactions are only the makings of a facade, a false identity in which she molded into to mask her true insecurities and her worst fears. her armor appears polished and seamless after tough battles but no one sees the gaping wounds that she leaves to scar. behind that perfect smile, she is more nervous and uneasy than anyone, fearing the moment she runs out of solutions and ultimately loses all power to shine. that being said, hanbyul's story tells of one with a happy ending but one that seems to slip further away from her grasp. WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE SHE MAKES THE WORLD REVOLVE AROUND HER, ONLY THE ONES CLOSEST TO HER KNOW WHERE HER LOYALTIES LIE. she is thankful for those who understand her albeit the great difficulty. it takes endurance to handle someone like hanbyul as she emotes but fails to express. wary of lending her heart out so easily, compassion is awkward for the girl who puts on a strong front to protect her fragile heart hence her constant tendency to sass and hurt others unintentionally. but those who know her best see her burning concern for loved ones and the way she interferes in an overwhelming mother knows best way. but as perfect as she seems, hanbyul has yet to figure out who she really wants to be and finally realize what's most important to her than her ego and her pride.
 

Plotline » on the pursuit of happyness
life story in a nutshell »

             

kim hanbyul was born into a bloodline of respect and prestige and raised in a house of discipline. fed with a golden spoon, hanbyul and her family never had to worry growing up with their life course already written in the stars. being the daughter and only child of a laywer and part of a long line of government officials, her life was set. her family was no royal family but who were they kidding making more than necessary earning envy and respect from left to right. leading an ideal life, hanbyul truly believed in the happinesss her life was made out to be. taking pride in her parents' accomplishments, she looked up to them and learned to dream big as a little girl. always one step ahead of her peers, she showed promise in reflection of her family name and was expected to do big things. ignoring the doubts regarding her and her status, she stood her ground and displayed no shame for her advantages. there was no problem, she told herself, she was happy and she had no reason not to be. she stayed put while relatives viciously swarmed her and her parents with pretentious judgment. she kept quiet hearing the harsh tones and shrill volumes of her parents' conversations. after all, when she walked in on them, they went right back to being as loving as they always were. everything was normal, why wouldn't it be, hanbyul thought.

    so the universe is not how you thought it was. you'd better rearrange
    your beliefs then because you certainly cannot rearrange the universe

little hanbyul then continued on with life, running forward, too impatient to let the world catch up. sometimes, she wonders if that's when it all started to go wrong because in that time, everything around her seemed to be changing, slowly but constantly. she began to feel it in her father's absent presence, slipping into the house much like a ghost and right back out before hanbyul could reach him. she remembers her little ten year old self asking her mother where dad was or when he would ever come home. the first couple of times she was given vague answers and one day, she threw a fit only to have her mother sharply cut her off saying he was never coming back so she should stop whining. she couldn't understand and she made desparate efforts to find answers. she tried to take comfort in believing the only logical explanation she was given, that he was working out of counry bounds too busy to visit his family having to rely on short phone conversations and emails. little did the younger hanbyul know, the family he was coming home to wasn't his own. and it was at the age of twelve hanbyul felt that horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach so when she arrived home one day to ask her mother what she had been dreading, it was the first mention of their separation and the new family her father had turned to. there was a wave of emotion, a flash of realization, and never in her life had she felt so small.

  because there was a hunger in me to see and do everything and be everyone
       I saw because i am not enough for me. can you understand that?

hanbyul couldn't help but feel resentment towards her parents who had the audacity to lie to her and keep something so big from her. even though she knew she was accountable for being so ignorant for not catching onto the matter. maybe she should have taken the news more rationally but being so young, it had become a wound and it only deepened the more she kept it locked away in her heart. a flood of thoughts followed, darker thoughts that contributed to a change in behavior and personal values in her coming of age. in many ways, hanbyul had been another case of the term 'growing up too fast'. for what seemed like overexaggerated cockiness to others, her unease had become her default form, a result of insecurity after feeling rejected by everything she thought she knew. she had grown into the impression that she simply wasn't good enough regardless of her efforts and would never be. so she would act out in spite in order to prove herself. she was losing touch with her identity as she conformed to excellence whether it was being the most popular in school or ranked in the top five of the student body. but watching this all unfold were the basketcases on the sidelines unable to speak over her or catch up to their friend. she had lost her way along the road drifting away from them to play with the wrong people only to hurt herself and the ones who genuinely cared for her. eventually she came around, her heart slowly healing through the support of her friends. graduating high school with solid grades and getting accepted to her dream university, she could only go forward from there but she just can't seem to ignore the hollow space in her heart. the past continues to haunt her, keeping her from moving on.

their personal grocery list »
— become one of korea's most powerful women
— patch up her relationship with her mother
— confront her father and find closure
— find mr. perfect and seduce him
— move on from the past
— buy thoughtful gifts for basketcases
— visit the countryside / healing trip
— read a ton of self-help books
— climb a mountain and scream out her feelings at the top
— create art and not worry about its flaws
— accept that she's not always right
— have deep talks (be honest with her emotions)
— visit a fortuneteller
— make others happy

trivia »
— she's not a huge pessimist about love and relationships but through her experiences, after seeing her parents end up the way they did, she is scared of commitment and if she was ever to commit, she would set ridiculously unrealistic standards. she goes through men like tissues well aware of how attractive she is which is why she thinks all the basketcases crushed on her at one point (cue everyone rolling their eyes)
— she is the type of person who responds pretty late to texts and rarely picks up calls. most of the time it is unintentional because she is busy with college life but other times she just doesn't feel the need to respond. the basketcases love to slander her for it though.
— valuing organization, she never fails to take notes in a little memo book she carries around at all times in her bag. she goes through post-it notes like toilet paper.
— it's a secret but she has a weakness for people with eye smiles and nice hands. she has this weird fascination with hands, it's one of the first things she observes when meeting someone
— she tends to stray far away from vigorous physical activity, she had never been very athletic and hates sweating in general. power walking is tiring enough for her.
— she is one to stay as far away from children as possible, not just because she's a horrible influence (every time she curses or has a fit chihoon's lifespan decreases by a month) but mostly because they don't like her anyway even if she tries to be friendly
— she has a few careers in mind she wants to puruse and her goal as of right now is to decide on the one by the end of this year. her options include creative directing, broadcasting producer, anchor news, or anything in the business department.
— she got her driver's license just recently and is starting to drive more frequently but the basketcases dread getting rides from her after seeing possible sypmtoms of road rage

           

         you're the only person i've ever met who seems to have the
            faintest conception of what i mean when i say a thing
                       even when it's complete

BEST FRIEND » it's all about the money
their story » they're the least likely pairing of the universe. even in the next life, there's a rare chance that these two people would come to be friends. coming from completely different background and sharing little to no interests, these two are bound to clash in many ways but the saying 'opposites attract' doesn't exist for no reason. in fact, it applies perfectly for  these two whose fates intertwined in their early years of childhood. in the bustling playground behind the school, social backgrounds meant nothing. hanbyul held out her hand, they took it wholeheartedly, and the rest was history. surprisingly, matters such as money rarely came between them especially when hanbyul would much rather eat the street food the other had introduced her to. it doesn't matter much to hanbyul what she ends up eating or doing because this person makes any experience that much better. it intrigues hanbyul, the way they see things differently, the joy they feel in the littlest things. there's an unexplainable pull between them, a buzzing chemistry as their contrasting personalities balance each other out. they bring out different sides from within and learn something new about each other everday. it could be that or it could be because they have never questioned hanbyul's behavior for whatever reason because they've seen hanbyul when she was weakest and they believe in the good deep down in her heart although she can't see it herself.

wishes for their grocery list » 
— sacrifice something for them / be selfless ("the fact that i'm the biggest to exist and you still give so much to me. i refuse to accept it")
— be their servant for a day ("don't go too crazy now...nothing that involves me possibly going to jail or something like that, you're not that evil right")
— take care of their family in his place ("uhm hell no" "uhm why the hell not?")
— enter a charity event with them ("i bet on chihoon's that you won't last more than 20 minutes" "oh please you underestimate me.")

the other basketcases » 

— ( north south east west ? ) :  their sweet, melodic tones contrast significantly from the tense malevolence running through her veins, clashing against each other but mesh in somehow like a perfect puzzle. THERE'S SOMETHING SO SPECIAL ABOUT THIS KID THAT HANBYUL FINDS ENDEARING. IT MAY BE THAT TWINKLE IN THEIR EYES OR THAT CHIME IN THEIR LAUGH BUT SHE SEES THEIR REAL SELF SHINING THROUGH, STRUGGLING TO BREAK FREE. carrying a ton of potential, she hopes that others would see just how special they are and how much they deserve all the attention in the world, even more than hanbyul manages to recieve. noticing the way they would hold back, hanbyul can only do her best to coax out as much reactions and opinions as she can from them, not wanting to leave them in the dark. she hopes they would gain more confidence because they are so much stronger than they think. one to take responsibility for the team and lend their shoulder for comfort, hanbyul somehow finds herself weakening against their embrace despite being older.

— ( you snooze, you lose ) : there's no one who pushes hanbyul over the edge like this one does. she could think of a million ways to destroy them but none of them would be enough to bring this kid down. she is hostile to their jokes and childish antics so while the others dote on him, she'd be the one yelling at him or shoving him away. despite their frequent cat fights, hanbyul is another victim who can't resist their charms because in the end, they're the youngest and she feels the need to take responsibility. at the same time though, while the youngest is bound to stir trouble and tantrums, she does feel apologetic for looking down on them at times and letting her anger get the best of her. seeing them laugh their feelings away, there is nothing but regret on hanbyul's part for discouraging the kid. she watches them try to lighten up the mood and spread their happy virus in half envy and half gratitude. there's always a part of her that yearns to be a part of their bliss so one day she wants to sincerely thank them for giving her and the other basketcases the opportunity to let go and enter into that world of theirs.

— ( won't go down without a fight ) : it leaves hanbyul speechless, witnessing the power lying deep in this kid even through obvious pain, trembling body movements and cold touches. if people call hanbyul strong, she would beg to differ especially when this person exists in the world. she ponders, unable to accept their tragic fate, when she sees them up and about like the toughest weed in the fields, pushing past the limits of their body. it's as if the world was playing a joke and she would wake up to find them fully recovered. it's pAinfully ironic because she is so blessed but unhappy compared to them. sometimes hanbyul craves a piece of their positivity in her darkest hours. their wide smiles give her a boost of motivation TO DO BETTER AND STRIVE TO SHOW ONLY HER MOST BEAUTIFUL SIDE TO THEM UNTIL THEIR VERY LAST BREATH. IT MAY BE HER MOTHERLY INSTINCTS KICKING IN BUT SHE PROVES TO BE OVERLY PROTECTIVE, FUSSING OVER THEIR MEDS AND OTHER TREATMENTS and stern when they are out for too long even when everyone knows that rest is the last thing they want at the moment. under the misconception that she knows best, she can't bring herself to let them dive and swim away.

— ( fall seven times, stand up eight ) : the two of them share quite an ambiguous relationship in which they tolerate each other for the most part but at the best of times have the most tension out of the whole group. people don't call them the power duo for nothing, the side glances and scrambling feet as the two step into the scene is priceless. it's quite obvious that they are the most intimidating and not to mention, the sassiest. the origins of their tension lie in their nasty tempers, battling each other's and sparking up discord. they are the only person of the group to even dare to test her wrath. after everything that happened, it'd be a lie to say she wasn't intimidated by them or at least a little bit cautious when interacting with them. she had witnessed the kid's lowest points and as one of the oldest, she realizes she misunderstood them through their times of turmoil. both have yet to set aside their inner conflict with each other due to the lack of depth in their conversations. the two have much to apologize about but just how long will it take for either of them to let go of their pride?

— ( ohana means family ) : as much sass hanbyul gives chihoon, she has a ton of respect for the guy. in many ways, he seems to be one of the only people who understands her or is willing to understand her and maybe it's because he just knows the hearts of women too well. sure she teases him any chance she gets but she is sincere when she says it's purely out of love. maybe it's his overwhelming optimism and twinkling heart eyes that set her off but more than anything, she is concerned about his weak heart and vulnerability. something about him is so familiar to her and that may be the reason why she is so scared about him getting hurt. she scoffs at his romanticism AND HIS CORNY SELF OVERALL but holds back because she remembers WHAT IT ONCE FELT LIKE TO BELIEVE IN THE VALUE OF LOVE AND FAMILY. she's usually upfront about most things but backs down in discomfort when the topic comes around.

other characters » 

    
                           "I'VE NEVER BEEN SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU"
                        "HEY THAT'S MY LINE, I'M THE MOM REMEMBER?"        
mother » han joohee (한주희) / 45 / youthful, stubborn, insecure  / within every mother lies a woman first and foremost and within every woman there is the child that she once was. by marrying young and even giving birth, her life and its many opportunities had ceased to exist as she conformed into the standards of the family name. she bore responsiblity upon her shoulders to look her best standing tall next to the man of her dreams. once a young girl with dreams and ambitions, only greed had consumed her leading to impulsive decisions and all loss of dignity. she yearned for more despite having the brains and the beauty to survive on her own. marrying a man of status was the closest step to that goal even if meant putting up with arduous relatives and monotonous routines. but in the midst of her inner turmoil, her worries dimmed WITH her one and only daughter BY HER SIDE. SINCE THE DIVORCE, THEY HAD LIVED TOGETHER while THEIR RELATIONSHIP TURNed FOR the worst without a single conversation that didn't turn into an argument. they share mutual frustration BUT MOST OF ALL, THEY FEEL sorrow in that they see each other in the mirror, weaknesses and all. 
 

                   
                      

love interest » yoo jisung (유지성)
FACECLAIM » im jaebum of got7
BACKUP FACECLAIM » kim jongin of exo
PERSONALITY » 
                                                   laidback, accepting, protective, honest 
                                                             independent, wary, serious
                                                  impulsive, unapproachable, absentminded
THEIR STORY »
their story dates back to the beginning of time, back to the playground by the foster home in a little neighborhood and back to when the basketcases were born. the foster home housed many young individuals but among them, yoo jisung, the oldest, tallest, and strongest, shined the brightest. growing up, he had naturally taken up the big brother role simultaneously handling the heavy labor around the house and taking care of the young ones. to many, he's a hero and most of all a role model especially to little chihoon as they grew up together. their relationship never fell short from blood related brothers and you could say jisung practically raised chihoon up to be the way he is now. but to everyone including hanbyul, he was very much like an older brother, a neighborhood celebrity that everyone young or old admired. despite living separate lives, the basketcases found a haven within the foster home and the kids that chihoon grew up with so naturally they had come to grow close to jisung.

it seems like just yesterday that little hanbyul was getting into fights with other kids with jisung frantically trying to stop them. hanbyul still  remembers the boy's sharp gaze meeting hers until her babyface would flush a rosy pink and his blinding smile every time she looked but that was years ago, a puppy love meant to grow out of. unfortunately for hanbyul, her little secret eventually came back around to haunt her and no one not even jisung missed an opportunity to remind her of it. while they continuously, now grown up hanbyul feels nothing but dread at the thought of ever liking the boy, claiming she hasn't a inkling or recollection of her little crush. regardless they remained the best of friends with an indescribable love-hate bond, not a minute wasted before they're at each other's throat only to give in altogether unable to stay away from each other for long. be it school or outside of school, the boy's presence lingered unknowingly watching over his lovely dongsaengs and in the darkest moments, he lent out a hand secretly from the shadows and with her observant eye, hanbyul sensed him and only wondered. then when adolesence paid a visit, curiosity reached hearts simultaneously and young love followed.

among the crowd, through spontaneous late night strolls and cheeky exchanges of words, were these two already falling into a game of push and pull. it took two to play a game and both had become pros at the craft. but in this game, the more time passed the longer it dragged with both of them unable to admit and confess. others looked upon their slow progress in astonishment, their cheismtry being so blatantly obvious that no one doubted the possibility of romance between them. even after all those years together, both of them also wondered. it might have been hanbyul's insecurities getting in the way, it might have been the their competitive natures fighting each other. CONSTANTLY ON THE SEARCH FOR BETTER THINGS, she was blinded to see that the best thing was right before her. this wasn't a game anymore and as much as hanbyul resists, she finds herself wavering towards him because despite everything, he was always and will always be home to her.