just want to express what i'm feeling right now

have you ever felt pain in you.. a feeling that you sometimes want to kill that person but can't.. i know i have.. 

it all started yesterday actually but the guilt keep on rushing in me since today.. 

last week, my school held the annual public speaking competition.. the teachers ask me to collect the equipment that required for the mere judges to calculate the partipant's mark but apparently the judges took a longer time.. so i went to buy some food to eat b'cause i haven't had break since morning.. eventually i forgot to collect them and give it to the teacher in charge.. but fortunately some other student have collected them.. 

but they didn't gave it to the teacher in charge..  they just leave it in a hall

the teacher scold my friends b'cause she was the one who was holding the bag that should be put in the equipment.. my friend blame me for not taking responsibility

fortunately i found them and quickly return the bag.. i say my sorry to the teacher in charge and my friends who been scold

but apparently my other friends have the look that want to kill me.. when we have a group disscussion.. my other friends would not let me hear nor see me talking about it..

today,  during exam, my homeroom teachers went to my desk.. and say " how can you to make you friends get scolded.."  all my idea of writing the essay have completely wash away due to the guilt 

i don't know if the is teasing or she just stupid to realise my own feeling...

sometimes it got so irritated that make me want to transfered school...

can someone help me solve this problem

i just wish i can 

Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Moonzy #1
That is really harsh. They are suppose to be your friends and they were doing something, but because they werent careful they got in trouble and blamed you? someone who had no part in it? that is so freaking selfish of them.

To be honest, not being mean, but as an insightful 21 year old, I suggest you get new friends. They seem to just tear you down more and more. Especially with your last blog that I commented on. Even if you want to think about the good times together, does the bad times outweigh the good?
HiddenInTheDark #2
I know that by a single comment on your blog post, I can't be making you feel any better.
But I also know that I understand you.
Staying alone and getting ignored by your bestfriends is a harsh and heartbreaking thing (I get my daily dose of the same matter enough to know how it feels) and although transferring schools, never looking back and just trying to forget everything sounds like a very good option now, it won't in a year or two when you actually do those things.
I know trying can be stressful, but try to fight for your friends and get them back. Offer to do the things they love with them or get them a present, the reason being how they were good friends and you don't want to lose them.
IF this is not their first time turning their back on you however, that changes everything. If you have gone through the same thing with them before (getting neglected and ignored/cut out of conversation) and it's not you first time (but the nth time), then you should just let those friends go.
Maybe they are not meant to be your friend.
Back to Top ↑