generally I don't ask for much, I rarely ask for anything really unless I really really need it (tampons, deodorant, maybe a new pair of shoes, underwear...) so I guess this may have led my mom to believe that I must be a pretty damn good kid...

I feel terrible really, maybe I should act like a jerk so she wouldn't feel the need to get me expensive things...

Anyways, my mom just came in and told me she's buying me a kindle. out of the blue, I didn't even indicate that I wanted it (though I really did) she just decided "Oh, I'm going to spend a crap load of money on my daughter who doesn't really deserve it." ok, she probably wasn't;t thinking the last part, that's mostly my feelings really.

It's times like this that I wonder what I've done right? I'm jobless, a bit of a slob, I don't think I'm really very nice though I do like to be pleasant towards others... but why? really, I love that she's buying this for me, I'm really very excited about it, I just feel I don't deserve it or my wonderful family for that matter.

*sigh* it makes me think about when I was a little thirteen year old who thought the world was against me... I really honestly believed that life was more unfair to me then everyone else... today, I look back and wish I could travel back in time and hit my self over the head. I've always had a fairly good life, some hiccups here and there, but generally it's been pretty good. I have a good mom, a good dad, great siblings, we're not perfect, but when it comes down to it, I wouldn't change them for the world.

but~, like I said before, I need~ to be a better friend, daughter and sister. I need to find a job now and keep it and I need to make my family's life easier.

here's praying for me^^