GOOD LORD I JUST SAW THE TWO MV'S AND BY GOLLY I WAS SQUEALING NONSTOP

OK

• I like the fashion in the mv. Okay, dude, I'm gonna be frank with you guys: I sometimes only watch MV's for the sake of checking out their clothes. Also, I've often dreamed of becoming a coordi-noona, though I am much younger than my baby boys (same age as Jungkook, yo), or at least be able to pick out their clothes, or whatever...
• Nice rides...
• Kai-ah and Tao-yah can drive???
• WHAT IS WITH THE INAPPROPRIATE ENDORSMENT OF THOSE SAMSUNG LEVEL HEADPHONES??? MINSEOK WAS WEARING ONE IN HIS TEASER, TOO! THEY WERE ALL USING SAMSUNG PRODUCTS IN THE TEASERS!!! IS SAMSUNG ONE OF THEIR SPONSORS???
• WHAT IS WITH ALL THOSE RIPPED JEANS???

Now, for the individual assessment:

1. Kai - Y MOTHERER YOU STOP THAT SMILING/SMIRKING/STARING THING I WILL CLAW YOUR EYES OUT GODDAMN YOU Y BEAST YOU YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY BIAS 

              - He looks like an older version of Taemin, lol

              - I freakin' love your car!!

              - Blue looks good on him

              - I would get my car some dents and scratches all the time if he were to be the mechanic and then some... *cough* car  *cough* 

              - 12/10 would bang.

2. Baek, Minseokkie, Suho, Sehunnie - I put them up as a team bc SQUAD GOALS

                                                                                          - THE HAIR OMG THEY LOOK SO MATURE GDI

                                                                                          - XIUMIN FAB AS WHEN HE DOES THE THINGY WITH THEIR FEET

                                                                                          - Suho, dafuq with your hair?

                                                                                         - Sehun DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE PRECIOUS BABY MAKNAE ANYMORE WHYYY

3. Jongdae - BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY MY BIAS WRECKER HE IS MY BIAS WRECKER FOR A REASON AND THIS IS PROBABLY IT

                          - He looks more like a kid than Sehun omg

                          - ^ sorry baby

                          - whoops!

                          - THERE I SAID IT OMG 

                          - WORK IT CHENCHEN YEAH WORK THE MID-PARTING WOULD YA

                          - "My favorite part of the Bible was when Moses parted Chen's bangs"

                          - WHAT THE IS YOUR MAN???

                          - YOU SO PERF BABY BOY

                          - WHY JUMP ON SOFAS AND WHEN YOU CAN JUMP ON ME 

                          - YOU WERE SO Y IN THE CHORUS GODDAMN YOU

                          - I SAW YOUR GUNS BABY BOY

                          - GODDAMN

                          - YOUR EXPRESSIONS MAKES ME WET OH GOD THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING TO CONFESS

                          - CURSE YOU BABY BOY

                          - YOU SO Y IN THE LAST CHORUS OH WOW

4. Chanyeol - JESUS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR???

                            - Goodness, it looked like some kinda grass/shrubbery/bush when I first saw it, lol

                            - He looks high af to boot

                            - He looks like some underground rapper, or some

                            - HIS FLAT-ISH HAIR LOOKS SO SOFT I WANT TO BURY MY FACE IN IT 

5. Kyungsoo - OH MAN

                              - WHAT IN BLAZES HE LOOKS SO MATURE OMG

                              - His clothes look good on him, thank god

                              - PLUS he doesn't look like a kid anymore, too!

                              - HIS HAIR OMG I WANT TO SET IT ON FIRE

                              - "BABY GIRL"

                              - ^ GETS ME EVERY TIME

                              - GODDAMN IT

                              - "GROSS" was playing in my mind every time I hear it

                              - BUT SINCE IT'S YOU, DO KYUNGSOO, AND YOU LOOK SO Y AS , I'LL LET THAT SLIDE

6. Xingxing - SO Y

                          - YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ADORABLE CHINESE MEMBER

                          - GDI NOW YOU LOOKS SO COOL AND HANDSOME AND BADASS...

                          - YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE LAST FOUR OF MY BIAS LIST IN EXOOOO

                          - YOUR HAIR YOU PIECE OF YOU

                          - P.S. I LOVE YOUR CLOTHES

7. Tao - BLACK WILL FOREVER BE YOUR COLOR

              - GODDAMN YOU CHILD

              - I SAW YOUR CHINESE VERSION YOU

              - I ING HATE YOU

              - YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH LAY IN THE BOTTOM FOUR OF MY BIAS LIST

              - NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE

              - I DEMAND COMPENSATION

              - AND A SHOPPING SPREE FROM YOUR CLOSETS

              - KEEP THEM GUNS BACK 

              - YOUR BICEPS OMFG I WOULDN'T MIND THE "CALL ME DADDY"  

              - YOUR SHIRT WAS LIFTING OH WELL MIGHT AS WELL TAKE IT ALL OFF

8. Minseok - lol, an individual FOR THE FAB HYUNG

                         - HE SO FAB I CAN'T EVEN

                         - HIS HAIR THO

                         - HE LOOKS LIKE GD IN HIS TEASER LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME IT ISN'T SO

                         - SO Y HIS HAIR LOOKS LIKE HE'S THE HEAD HONCHO OF SOME MAFIA GROUP OR THE PRESIDENT OF SOME

9. Suho - HIS HAIR MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE SOME PRESIDENT OF SOME RICH PEOPLE CLUB WHO DO NOTHING BUT SWIM IN THEIR MONEY AND PLAY GOLF

                  - HIS CLOTHES LOOK GOOD ON HIM

                  - MAKES HIM LOOK YOUNGER FOR ONCE, lol

10. Sehun - WHAT WHAT MORE CAN I SAY (yep, like the lyrics of 'The Rise of Bangtan' )

                - SWEET JESUS HE LOOKS SO MATURE NOW 

                - LIKE JONGINNIE AND KYUNGSOO

                - WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR HAIR DONE

                - I DEMAND A SEHUNNIE MAKEOVER YOU LITTLE

                - WHY CAN'T BOYS MY AGE LOOK LIKE YOU GDI

                - I HAD TO REWATCH THE GODDAMN MV BC YOUR HAIR WASN'T MOVING, OR SOMETHING

                - ^ HOW MANY CANS OF HAIRSPRAY IS THAT???

                - I WILL INVITE YOU TO MY 18TH BIRTHDAY

                - ^ I WANT A FROM YOU AND KAI AND EVERYONE ELSE GDI YOU PEOPLE

                - I WOULDN'T MIND RE-ARRANGING MY EXO BIAS LIST FOR YOU, BBY

                - YOU TALL LONG-LEGGED GANGLY

                - STOP MOVING YOUR Y BODY I GET IT OKAY NOW PISS OFF

                - ^ AKA JUST TURN AROUND AND WIGGLE THAT OF YOURS

                - YOU STILL LOOKING SMUG AF MAKES YOU LOOK EVEN IER

                - DAYUM WORK THAT PLEATHER SHIRT OF YOURS BABY

                - YOUR LONG LEGS MAKE YOU LOOK EVEN IER

11. ByunBaek - YOU DA MAN

                      - YOU DA MAIN HOE

                      - YOU DA MAIN VOCAL AIGHT

                      - YOU DA MAN

                       - YOU DA STAR

                      - HAIR LOOKING FAB AF

                      - YOU MY NEW BIAS WRECKER FOR SOME REASON (1. Luhan, 2. Chen, 3. Baek, AIGHT)

                      - Y U SO Y, HUH

                      - I DEMAND A BAEKHYUN MAKEOVER TOO

                      - WHY CAN'T I INVITE YOU GUYS FOR MY BIRTHDAY

                      - YOU ARE SO PERF ALONG WITH CHENCHENCHEN AND KYUNGSOO ARGH VOCAL LINE IS LIFE

OVERALL :

- I would have LOVED to see Luhan revamped, and made to look even ier than he originally is

- 69/10 WOULD BANG THEM ALL

- GDI

- I NEED MY FOUR MINUTES BACK

- BOTH VERSIONS ARE Y WOULDN'T MIND CALLING THEM DADDY OR WHATEVER THE THEY WANT ME TO

- Black, Red, Blue, White, Graphic Tees, Ripped Jeans, Leather, and Pleather are prolly the fahion  

- I wouldn't mind paying extra If I could get a free Samsung Level Over headphone (yeah, the one Minseok used for his teaser, yeah)

- NEW RELIGION: MINSEOK'S PONYTAIL

- Sehun's "E-X-O" never fails to brighten my day

- CROTCH GRABS + RETRO-ISH LOOKS = 69/10 WOULD BANG FOR REALZ 

- CHEN AND HIS HAIR CHANGES WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

- THE FIRST SCENE LOOKS LIKE IT WAS OULLED OUT FROM THE OF JJCC'S FIRE lol

- DAFUQ IS #JongdaeProtectionSquad ???

- BAEKHYUN, JONGDAE, D.O, XIUMIN, LAY SHOULD SING MORE

- SRSLY THEIR STEPS LOOK GAY AF BUT THEY MAKE IT LOOK SO Y AND GDI SO FAB I CAN'T EVEN ARGH

- THEIR SHIRTS KEPT ON GETTING LIFTED AS THEY MOVE 

- ^ JUST TEAR THE DAMNED THING OFF JESUS YOU'RE ALL GIVING ME A HEART ATTACK WITH YOUR EVERY MOVE

- ^^ NO PULLING "SUNGAN HEART ATTACK" ON ME YOU LITTLE DIPS

- I REALLY NEED TO SEE LUHAN IN CALL ME BABY GDI

- SINCE WHEN DID THIS BUNCH OF OVERGROWN CHILDREN BECOME SO CONFIDENT AND Y AND BADASS AND HANDSOME GDI

- I was told that they were supposed to look like Modernized 90's , or something... welp, THEY NAILED IT (WHY NOT NAIL ME)

- HOW CAN A BUNCH OF BABY-FACED ASSERS MAKE "BABY" SOUND SO SENSUAL/UAL ??? SO SCANDALOUS, TOO

- ^ I USE BABY LIKE A CASUAL THING, OR AN INSULT, IT DEPENDS...

- I AM JUST SO DONE WITH ALL OF YOU

- ^ THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST TIME I'VE WRITTEN A FULL-BLOWN (yeah, would you like that, baby?) REVIEW/RANT

- UGH THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING/GROSS/DISGUSTING

- ^YOU MEN SHOULD STOP AND JUST WAIT YOUR PRETTY ASSES ON MY BED

ALL OF YOU. BED. NOW.

* ALLCAPS = INTENSITY OF FEELS

//will add more if the need be...

//edited