So those of you who haven't just subbed to my stories know that I've been off for quite some time, and even some of you contacted me to make sure everything was cool, and for that I'm really thankful. I just wanted to offer up an explanation for it all so you guys don't think I died or anything...

So first off, I'm really sorry to anyone following any of my stories or even my learning Korean blog posts, yeah I know I , and I feel really bad cause I know what it's like waiting for a story to update, and the fact I didn't even say it was a hiatus (truthfully I didn't know it was going to be) so you were just left in the dark. 

First off, I'd like to explain that loads of things have been changing in my family (well 'family') and friend circles which I still haven't fully dealt with yet, and some people around me are having breakdowns, and I don't handle those sorts of thing well; in fact I don't handle them at all, I just push them to the back of my mind and wait for them to rot away. I think lots of stuff has gotten to me lately and Im finding les and less purpose in my life as a whole, and because I do t have much down time either, I chose not to spend it writing, because I want it to be good and not just a thing I've rushed and put up.

Also a few days ago I found some teachers talking about me behind their back, which made me feel really down because it's not like I could do anything about it, they would deny it if I went to any other teacher about it and I had no literal proof. I had been sitting in the library waiting for my a review with my poetry teacher, and the librarian and a biology teacher were seated at the table beside me talking about something.

As I was contemplating whether to grab a book whilst waiting, Mrs biology walked over and told me to take off my hat, which to I replied I'm allowed to wear one (ask about that later), so as she went back and sat down she started ing to me librarian who was agreeing with her ( and I had thought Mr librarian was chil since I save his one time in a literacy competition). So  I carry on waiting, and their conversation keeps going from their normal tone to a whisper and they keep glancing over to me and nodding. At this point it was pretty clear they were talking about me and the way I dress but  I couldn't deifnitely say that's what it was about, only gauging from Mrs biology's ing fest beforehand.

So to clear up this story, to those of you who don't know my appearance I am a real tomboy, with the same sort of dress sense as Jackson, I love black clothes and harem pants but of course Im a girl so it's strange to some people. I also have short, dyed reddish hair (which pretty much changing colour very other week). I think because Amber is in Korea and has been accepted by then it would be strange to see girls like her on the streets like that but over here you're either questioned intensely or just labeled a lesbian, which I'm not.

It's pretty annoying to say the least, especially when I  hear the rumours about dating one if my friends or just general stupid thing going round my school. Even the other day in art, when I had to bring in baby pictures, everyone kept asking 'oh you were so cute and girly, why are you like this' or 'you could be so pretty, please grow your hair out' it kinda grates on my nerves.

I also get stared down in the street by anyone who sees me because they're trying to figure out what genre I am and once they understand they stare a bit more before probably coming down to the conclusion I'm just a lesbian. I pretty much find my self wishing for a more masculine body cause at least if they couldnt see I had curves underneath the baggy clothing or a feminine face I'd just pass as a boy and they wouldn't stare so much. Also I over here it'll Be rare to see people wearing snap-backs (which I do) because it kinda means you have bestowed judgement upon yourself, you've kinda agreed to fit the image of a lowlife partying loser which is kind of what society dictates. So you can imagine the amount of girls wearing them.

Never less, I have actaul  points to get through so as a last reason, which is the main reason I've been putting off typing up fresh chapters for my stories, it's because I'm sort of falling out of the fandom, which I hadn't thought was ever possible. Exo had been my first actual group I had properly followed and supported and laugh with and I think after the break down of Sm and the members leaving I think I unintentionally pulled away. And I know fans are meant to stick with them through thick and thin but I couldn't really take seeing them broken cause Kpop had been my only saving grace at a better life or at  least something to hold onto. And yeah it's stupid and naive to believe the Kpop industry is fun and laughs cause I know it's not - but its nice to believe when you're laughing along with your favourite idols. 

I was hoping this comeback of theirs would save my inspiration and it was all due to them being inactive for a while but I haven't got a lot of hope for it. So I'm here to ask, in guilt, whether anyone wanted to take on any of my stories or help me finish them at least. And I know I promised I'd finish UBMTA but it'll take a long time and I don't think you guys want to wait that much longer just for it. 

There was a point, and I feel really bad for thinking it, where I was just going delete my account but with all the people I've met n here and those late nights I wrote some of those chapters I decided not to and came with this instead. I'm becoming inspired to write by other bands, although I have no time to write about them, but if feel like I'd sorta betrayed you guys by doing that. I can always create another account separate to this one if it come to it. 

So, for now i hope you read this and I'll speak to you soon..