Chapter 04

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend."

 -  Albert Camus
 

As Jungkook opened his eyes in the morning, he felt like he didn't get any sleep at all. Without even moving, his limbs hurt and he felt a migraine drilling its way into his brain.

Groaning heavily as his alarm went off, blaring loudly into his ears, he smashed the little radio and the noise stopped immediately. He heaved himself out of the bed, massaging his temples as he dragged himself into the bathroom.

Flipping the light switch, harsh fluorescent light burned his eyes and he blinked at his distorted reflection in the broken mirror. His eyes sat dark in his sockets and his skin was ghostly pale. Small droplets of sweat lined along his hair line.

Fragments of memories mixed with his reoccurring nightmares as he stared at his reflection for a while. There were times where he couldn't keep reality and dream apart. And those were the worst nights. Even worse than when his mind found no rest at all.

Jungkook closed his stinging eyes for a second, angrily swallowing the tears filling them, leaving them in a vulnerable glister. He shook his head, trying to lock the images out of his mind and turned the faucet on. His trembling hands cupped underneath the beam of water, catching it and splashing it across his face.

The cool feeling put a little hint of color back into his features and he felt somewhat alive again.

An hour later, Jungkook jogged down the crowded paths on the campus, shoving people out of his way as he headed for the lecture room. He was late, once again, and if he missed the test, there way no way of re-taking it.

He just had to be on time.

Some people called after him, some gave him dirty looks for the way he hastily s through the people, but there was no way for him to care. This test – it was vital for him. He needed to pass it in order for his scholarship to get extended.

And he needed his scholarship for his degree.

And the degree to get him and his mother out of there.

Just as the bell rang, Jungkook collapsed onto his chair, wheezing heavily with his sides burning like acid and the migraine biting painfully along with the rhythm of the blood thumping in his ears.

“Jungkook-ah!”

As he turned his face to the voice that had been calling him, his features were pulled into a frown that had written pain all over it.

But he couldn't but smile as he realized who just entered the room, strolling over to the desk he was sitting in.

“Yah! Why are you wheezing like a steam engine?” Taehyung teased as he adjusted the strap of the backpack he had slung over one shoulder.

Jimin giggled, throwing his bag into the seat next to Jungkook and ruffled his hair.

“I bet our Jungkookie slept in again and had to sprint here to actually make it in time.”

Jungkook gnarled under his breath and fixed his sweaty hair.

“So what? I'm here, ain't I?”

Those two were his best friends. In fact, they were the only friends he has had ever since he moved to Seoul when he was just a kid. Every time they were around, the weight lifted off of his heart and a smile was plastered on his face like a poster on a billboard. Huge and for everyone to see. These two boys were his vitamin. The one thing that kept him going beside the wish to be able to make a living for his mother and himself.

Taehyung sat down on Jungkook's table and yawned passionately. Most probably he had been out with a girl until late last night. Making her laugh, telling her how beautiful she looked and maybe even kissed her good-bye after walking her home to her house.

For a reason Jungkook wasn't able to understand, Taehyung managed to get along with every person he met. People seemed to naturally like him.

When Taehyung was the pure high noon sun, Jungkook probably resembled a new moon night.

People avoided him; he wasn't just a mystery to them, but more like a cursed, Egyptian scroll everyone was too afraid to decipher. But he didn't actually mind.

To him, having conversations with people was stressful and exhausting. Every word they said, every gesture they made – Jungkook's brain would instantly try to analyze it, managing to point out every single insecurity they held, every mental problem they were dealing with.

Just like he did with himself. And there was nothing he could do about it.

“The teacher is here” Jimin frowned, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Ah, this test is going to be my death sentence!”

Taehyung slid off Junkook's table and flicked Jimin on the forehead. Jimin's hand jerked up to the spot Taehyung hit him and he started whining.

“Ow! That hurt! Is that how you treat your elders?”

Taehyung snorted dirtily and an amused grin curled on his lips.

“That's what you get for being stupid. You may be a major in singing and dancing, but you still have to pass this class to graduate.”

Jungkook agreed with a nod, earning him a filthy glare from Jimin, and raised his hands in surrender.

“I don't like to admit it, but Tae's right. You are so focused on becoming a singer that your brain blacks out everything not related to it. It decreases your ability to think objectively.”

Both his friends stared at him with incomprehension written all over their faces.

Jungkook sighed and waved them off.

“Forget it.”

The two of them were just about to protest, when the teacher clapped his hands and drew the attention to him.

“This test” his voice echoed through the lecture hall, holding up a stack of paper. “You fail it, you repeat the semester.”

The whole room broke out into gasps and whining. Jungkook, though, was cool like a rock. If he wasn't secure about his past, his actions, or even his place in the world – he was very secure about the knowledge that filled his brain. It was the one thing he was better at than his friends.

Jimin was better at singing and dancing, though Jungkook really felt passionate about both of it. Taehyung was better, way better, at ad