Chapter Eleven:

Back at his safety heaven, Gray laid down in his bed alone, awaiting the storm after the mess he had voluntarily created. A week had passed since the confrontation in the hospital and not a single word had been heard from his mother yet. 

"You should get ready," a calming voice reminded him. Chanmi was sitting out in the kitchen table with her nose stuck in front of her propped up laptop, trying to untangle one mess of a research project. After contemplating and much urging from Gray, Chanmi had finally decided to move in and live with him after the day he was released from the hospital. It was the only way her heart could be put at ease until he was completely healed. 

Living with one another and having to share so much time together does this strange thing where even strangers are inclined to build a bond. Although Gray and Chanmi were far from strangers when she moved in, being able to spend the little moments together like sharing meals, watching late-night shows or just general cleaning brought them even closer. Things like sneaking a peek at Chanmi to see her reaction while watching a movie, placing more meat on Gray's plate during dinner time, playing paper-scissor-rocks to see who should clean the dishes were the infinitesimal things that gradually developed into an article of the heart. The little taste of sweetness made Gray more greedy and secretly wished his life would remain like so for eternity. 

"I don't think I am completely recovered from my exhaustion yet," Gray whined, unwilling to wake up from his fantasy. 

"You can't make excuses. An entire week has already passed since you've taken time off of school. I know you're smart, but you still need to attend some classes in order to pass them " Chanmi firmly stated. She was determined to make sure Gray sticks to his words. In spite of the sweetness in their current daily routine, she knew it was all just a sugarcoated life and eventually, the candy will dissolve. Nevertheless, with or without the sweetness, she will continue to stand by his side. 

- Flashback -

"May I talk to you?" Dr. Ryu tapped on Chanmi's shoulder seconds before she entered the elevator after visiting Gray. 

"Huh?" Chanmi turned around with a startled expression. She did not intend to be rude, but every single time she had encountered the doctor, only bad news had pursued. "Sure," she reluctantly nodded.

Even if it's not something I want to hear, it is probably something I have to hear.

"My office is this way," he signaled with his head tilting right. Seeing as how he wanted to talk in private, Chanmi knew the topic was definitely not a light one and followed him to his personal office. Although Dr. Ryu occasionally did report Gray's health status to his mother, he had, through his analysis, comprehended the situation and naturally sought Chanmi out to provide more detailed information about the patient. 

"Ms.Park," Dr. Ryu began with a sigh. "I've heard that Sunghwa had agreed to receive treatments." 

"Ah, yes." Chanmi confirmed, sitting stiffly upright on her chair across him.

"Thank you for convincing him to do so," he gave her a satisfied smile that only appeared half full. "This is, however, only the beginning of a long battle. In fact, it's not really a battle, but it's going to be a journey." 

"I do realize that it is not going to be easy for Gray," Chanmi affirmed.

"Right," he stated. 

It was difficult for Chanmi to read the situation. She was certain that there must be an important reason for Dr.Ryu to bring her all the way to his office, but she was not so sure what it was. His brief replies that felt like hanging unfinished sentences were keeping Chanmi on her toes. Something felt offbeat.

"Again, I thank you for doing the impossible and somehow convincing Gray to go through with this, something I would have never been able to do," he started again. "However, something I must clarify with you is that Gray's disorder is not something that can be cured," he paused as if he just dropped a bomb and took a breath before continuing. "Although Bipolar disorder is an incurable illness, we can put effort into learning to deal with it and suppress it. Eventually, I promise you, he will be able to live a very productive and healthy life without any fear of any unforeseen dangerous manic episodes."

Incurable, the jumped out at her, leaving a lasting chime in Chanmi's ear like the annoying high pitch ringing that she sometimes hear. So this was what he was so afraid of spitting out. He was afraid that Chanmi would lose hope or be terrified and leave running. Ultimately, nobody can blame her even if she did. Who would want to attach themselves to a lifelong promise of a burden? 

"Please," Chanmi finally uttered after what seemed like an eternal moment of silence. "Please do your best to treat him so he can be in control of his life again."

"I surely will put my all into this," Dr. Ryu vowed. He knew she was different when he saw her come running to Gray after his call. "And for your part, you have to be by his side every step of the way. The beginning stages are critical and it's crucial that he has someone he trusts giving him support through it all. Anything that triggers his emotion or drains away his energy can disrupt the process."

"I understand."

"It may sound easy to say right now, but it will be harder and harder as time goes on and the most pivotal point is that... this is not a deal you can sign and nullify. If, after leaving an imprint in his life, you decide to leave him anytime in the future, it can provoke and reinstate the illness again and everything that has been done to control it will be futile. I need you really understand this," he placed his large hands on the table and clasped them together, leaning in on Chanmi. "You're part of the treatment for his life."

His eyes were locked into Chanmi's eyes. Maybe because he was a psychologist and he knew how to make an impression, but Chanmi was able to grasp onto the gravity of the situation immediately. Basically, he is saying: we can never cure him 100%, and if we try then that means you will have to be part of the treatment and you have to promise me to never leave him. 

"It's a lot to take in, I know," Dr. Ryu spoke again, noticing her unstable pupils. 

"I'll do it," Chanmi clearly announced after a few minutes of thinking. Her hesitation was not due to doubts about her love, but her uncertainty in her position in his life. Nobody knows the future, nobody knows if a lowly girl like her can be with someone like Gray for life. Even if they were a couple, even if they were boyfriend and girlfriend; nothing is ever certain in this journey called life, so who is she to make the decision to cement herself into his life? Nevertheless, at that moment, she knew she would fight tooth and nail for his safety so she had to do it. She cannot say no. She just could not. 

"That's what I want to hear," Dr. Ryu beamed. Little did he know, the eighteen-year-old girl was shaking inside. "I look forward to seeing you again and again as we set out on this journey together with Mr.Lee." 

-End of flashback-

"What are you thinking so intensely about?" Gray noticed Chanmi's rigid stare into space and sat down beside her with his simple breakfast bowl of milk and cereal. 

"The research paper," Chanmi snapped back into reality and replied with a smooth excuse.

"Is it that hard? Need any help?" Gray peered over at her laptop screen. 

"No, thank you. You just need to help yourself and quickly get ready for class," she stated while closing the document before he could read any further. She did not want to trouble Gray with anything when he has so much to do already. In addition to returning back to school with a load of work waiting for him, he had to face the pile of inquiries about his whereabouts from peers and fans.

"Yes, ma'am" He nodded with his charming smile before beginning to dig into his breakfast and blissfully gazing at the focused Chanmi between bites. 

When did she become so mature? It's the same girl who was hopelessly tricked on the first day of school and walked into the wrong class, right? He recalled their memorable first encounter. 

She grew a lot, he thought. Because she's someone with a lot on her shoulders, he remembered the night Chanmi cried at the very place they were in right then, his apartment. I thought you were able to make this place that used to look and feel like a prison, where I trap the monster within me into a home, but now I realized, it's not the place, it is you who are my home, Gray grinned like a fool while thinking to himself. 

"You sure you can drive to school alone?" Chanmi lifted her glasses and questioned. 

"Of course," Gray reconfirmed with her as he dropped the empty bowl into the sink. Chanmi has done enough lately. This was the least he can do for himself. She was his girlfriend and support, not his 24/7 babysitter (although the idea of having her glued to him 24/7 did seem rather appealing and tempting). 

After meticulously grooming himself and changing into fresh clothes in order to appear as healthy and as normal as possible, Gray headed straight to campus just in time before the lecture started to avoid curious minds. Unfortunately, even the professor's looming voice, indicating the lesson has started, put no halt on the consistent murmuring whispers that began to surround him. 

"It's Gray! He's back!" Several voices could be heard saying the same sentence over and over again.

"I wonder if he's alright," one g