In Jessica's POV this time

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"Don't you think you're being unfair to her? Because in my opinion, and in which ever way we look at it, you really are Jess. You were a jerk."

The words sting, pricking my heart and I know he's right, but what can I do? I heave and let out a heavy sigh before I stopped sketching, placing my sketchpad and pencil down the coffee table as I look up to Kris, my eyes never leaving the giant as he sauntered around my place like he's in his own home.

Well this will probably be our home if the engagement wasn't called off last week. If he didn't call it off.

Kris went into the kitchen to probably rummage through my fridge. I waited for him to get back. After all the favor he did, I gues he deserve to hear something from me as well.

The guy came out my kitchen holding a bottle of one of my favorite sparkling water. He situated himself beside me as I let out another sigh. My eyes glued to the television in front of us, but all I see is memories of me and a certain someone flashing. 

How I wish that I have a remote to go backwards and slow down on memory lane, starting the show on our first meeting; pause the memories to the happy ones and my favorite ones; fast forward to the times when I was looking forward to seeing her, celebration times with her and skip the parts where I made her cry, caused her pain, the parts where there was so much heartache and hurting. Painful times that are mostly on her part.

"I didn't go through all the s our parents put me through to see you sulk her in the unit, drown away in your agonies by sketching her. You're being pathetic."

I sigh once more as I look at my surrounding. He practically say all the right things. My place is a mess so is my life. Torn pages littered around my place, all are filled with my sketches of her, of what I remember of her.

The face I could always spot in a sea of people, one like that of a baby where hidden beneath was the woman who made me fall head over heels.

Her dorky grin, that never fails to make me reciprocate it with a smile and how she's making the sun's light seem dimmed compared to how bright she glows whenever she does.

Her delicate fingers, one that fits perfectly entwined with mine, one that held me with so much tenderness, giving me feathery touches that would send tingles down my spine.

Her eyes, oh the pair of eyes that never failed to spark and always filled with warmth and overflowing love everytime she look at me.

And her lips, those pair of lips that knows nothing but to spill the sweetest words only directed to me, lips that as sweet as honey, one so soft and fits perfectly on mine, one that I longed the most.

"You've wasted two months sulking when you could've woman up and get her back. Don't make the same mistake I did."

I looked at Kris, and his wounded expression while his eyes look so far away. His handsome features being overshadowed with the visible pain displayed. I know what he meant, we've been friends long enough, and in a way stuck in the same situation of being into a taboo relationship before our homophobic parents took matters in their own hand. We both might have agreed at first, but I admire Kris for finding his courage before it was too late. I don't know if I could be as strong as he is.

Another minute of silence pass before I sighed again for the umptenth time before stretching my limbs and sat crisscross in the leather couch, grabbing my sketchpad and pencil once again.

I flipped to a new page as my hand mindlessly started to sketch the features I know so much. Like my hand has a mind of its own, that it would start sketching her without me even thinking.

Kris just sat beside me, I know he's waiting for me to say something and I know I couldn't hold it much longer without telling someone of my pent up emotions.

With a voice close to a whisper, I breathed.

"I'm scared."

I can feel my eyes starting to water as waves of my emotions washes over me.

Kris placed an arm over my shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, silently urging me to continue. 

"I'm so scared. I've caused her so much pain and I couldn't find the courage to face her, scared that she might not want me anymore. I don't know if I can take it if she reject me."

I cant control my tears and Kris soothes my back, gently rubbing circles, trying to pacify me.

"Jess, you wouldn't know if you don't try."

"You don't understand Kris. I've driven her away, I gave her no explanation at all. I made her feel like she meant nothing to me when truth is, she meant the world to me. Because I'm so scared of disappointing my family, I was scared of losing the comfortable life and it was too late when I realized all I needed is her in my life."

Kris let out a long sigh, his arm hugging me tighter as I cry.

"I know Jess, but you have to stop being scared. Is Taeyeon not worth the try? If you love her, you know she's worth it."

I cried even more, I feel so dejected thinking of how Taeyeon is more than worth my everything, probably more than worth my life, but I feel like it is me who's lacking so much, that she's too good and it made me wonder to myself if am I worth it of her love.

I cry even more thinking how she would've cried herself to sleep, listening to sad songs in one corner, probably have blamed herself more times than I could count, all because I left her with no words to help her out the misery. 

My cries lighten up to sobs and sniffing as we sat for the longest of time in my couch without words, just Kris consoling me and I dwelling in my own miserable thoughts.

I don't know where would I be now if not for Kris. I lost so much weight but the guy made so much effort on feeding me, shutting the ideas of suicide off and simply keeping me alive. I couldn't complain about having him as a friend.

He stood up, only to crouch in front of me, lifting my face by my chin, making me look at him. He dried my remaining tears with his thumbs before smiling right at me. One that tells me he fully understand the agonizing feeling. I guess he does, because he'd been through so much as well.

He looked at me with adoring eyes before asking.

"What are you so afraid of princess?"

I couldn't lie to him and hide my fears, because Kris was nothing but an open book to me. He told me his fears, his own agonies and all uncertainties he dwelt.

"I'm so afraid that she's too beautiful, she's too bright and is worth so much that I think I'm not worth it all. That she deserve someone who's worth more. I made her cry, when all she did was to give me all the best things I never dreamt of experiencing. She has so much love to give, so much light to share, and I am nothing but a selfish wreck who tainted her lovely face with tears."

There, I said it. I'm so afraid that Taeyeon might have realized she deserve someone better than me. I see myself so little and undeserving. I look down once again, try to control my tears. 

"Jess, look at me." Kris cooed and I did as he asked. His eyes filled with so much understanding. 

"It's up to Taeyeon to say if you're worth it or not, princess. Only Taeyeon can tell how much you worth to her."

"B-but"

"Shh... I know my words are going to hurt but I deem this necessary to let this sink in your brain and heart. You've been nothing but a jerk to her, you left her hanging and confused. You made her cry so much with questions she'll wonder what the answers are. She'll question herself where did she go wrong, where will she start from where you left her and wonder how to start moving on. You love her don't you?"

Little by little, word by word it all sinked in and gave me more reason to hate myself, my heart aching so badly. I cried again, like my eyes wont run out of tears.

"Shh... answer me Jess. You love Taeyeon right?"

I nodded my head vigorously at him.

"So you wouldn't want her hurting? You dont want her hurt."

The question and the statement is like acid being poured on my heart it started to burn but I willed myself to answer Kris.

"No, I wouldn't. "

Kris sighed and looked down for a moment before he looked at me straight, with determined eyes this time.

"But you did Jess, you already did."

His words, all of it felt like thousands of knives piercing through my heart in every direction. Disheartening me and making me want to kill myself. Just the thought of Taeyeon hurting is killing me, how much more to acknowledge the fact that it was me who hurt her.

I started to cry even more, if it's still possible. 

"Hey, hey. I warned you my words will hurt, but I didn't say all these to hurt you as well. I want this to be your driving force to win her back. That you owe her more than just words and apology but most of all, you need to make it all up to her. She's worth fighting for, right? So fight for her, and let this remind you how you should treat her right. You said before, she gave you her all. This time, be the one to prove yourself to her. You might be feeling undeserving right now, so why not make things right and prove to yourself that you deserve her."

I gaze up at Kris as he look at me fondly with a smile, I start to wonder why couldn't I fall for this amazing guy right in front of me? Despite how cold he may look outside, he is actually nothing but a warm person inside. But no, how could I when all I think of being with is the girl who filled my sketchpad with drawings of her, every little details I have about her to my thoughts having nothing in but her, I couldn't even imagine being with anyone other than Taeyeon.

I reciprocated his smile as I tell myself I should give it a try. No, Taeyeon is worth more than just trying. I should give my best. She deserve it the least.

- - - - -

I didn't know I could actually hurt more than I did this past three months but the pain is real when I saw Taeyeon across the room, in our favorite corner of this shop, sipping her favorite coffee, laughing so heartily at the clumsy eyesmiling girl in front of her. Now I regret taking so much time before mustering my courage. 

It is usual to see Taeyeon hanging out with Tiffany, afterall they're best friends. But something is out of usual between them. The subtle touches and shy glances and how Taeyeon would look away so shyly when their eyes met. Their actions speak so much, that there's more to them than just mere friends and every little thing they do that shows what seemed to be obvious are like heavy steps on the shattered pieces of my heart, trying its best to pulverize it.

I stand here rooted near the entrance, watching them until they stood up and started to make their way to exit. Tiffany had her arm looped to Taeyeon's as the two laugh at something the eyesmiling girl said.

They take slow steps towards my way until Taeyeon looked up, our eyes meeting and she stopped a couple of steps from where I stand, making Tiffany stop and look at me as well.

I saw how Taeyeon's eyes was suddenly filled with sadness and pain, before it turned blank, and there was nothing in Tiffany's eyes but anger.

Tiffany whispered something to Taeyeon, to which the girl nodded before she started to make her way to the exit door, walking past me like I she didn't see me, like I never existed at all.

My eyes, like the magnet that she was followed her until my vision was blocked by the red hair girl with eyes that I knew had always been smiling but now all I see is a hardened expression and determination in Tiffany.

"I don't want you anywhere near Taeyeon. I gave you the chance and stepped down, making way for you because I see how Taeyeon loved you. But not this time, she might still harbor feelings for you, but I'm willing to erase them all. I'll make her forget the pain you caused her and bring back the glow in her eyes. I hope I'm making myself clear here. I wont let you near Taeyeon and hurt her again. You dont deserve the love she gave you. You dont deserve her at all."

Just like that Tiffany left and I stand rooted and dumbfounded. Because everything she said is another jab on my heart. That I did nothing but caused the love of my life pain.

I am not the kind to back down for something I want so much, but maybe Tiff's right, maybe I am right. I don't deserve Taeyeon at all.

Maybe she might soon find her happiness again, maybe it isn't me all along who can give her happiness.

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A/N : I ALWAYS LOVED THE TAENYSIC DRAMA ^_^

I don't know what is this crap I am writing, please forgive me for even trying. I think this is such a fail, but, no harm done, right? I'm trying to improve because I always have problems conveying my ideas through words and it just wont come out right )):

I dont know how to end this, whatever this is, maybe you could leave me some ideas. This is just a random idea so I understand if this is not to anyone's liking. And again forgive this author whose confidence is buried deep.

HOPE YOU GUYS TAKE TIME TO COMMENT. I need a little boost ^^