Suho

The face reflected back in the mirror was sullen.

The ghasty pale skin of the pale sullen face was pulled into a seemingly permanent look of fatigue. 

Dark eyebags, a stark contrast from the sickly whiteness emphasized the exhaustion behind the facade of the man. 

Joonmyeon stared back at his reflection and only one word could come to mind

pathetic

That was what the man can only see every time he looked into his own reflection. Sometimes, the word would change ,but never once has there been word where most would see as a compliment. However Joonmyeon didn't mind, as describing himself in such derogatory ways brought upon a sick sort of satisfaction. 

To Joonmyeon, it was’t self harm, but rather self healing. 

“ People always live under the delusion that everything is perfect in their life” Joonmyeon would think, “ but by seeing who we really are, doesn’t this bring us closer to accepting ourselves?”

The ritual of self reflecting has become a sort of habit for Joonmyeon. 

The first time it happened was back when Juunmyeon was still a trainee. It was the time for a new boyband to be released and many excited young trainees were all eager to be on that list. Juunmyeon himself has already been in the company for three years. By balancing family, school as well as training with the company, Joonmyeon has pushed himself to a point where many would see as physically and mentally exhausting. But Juunmyeon didn't mind. If all this work must be done to achieve his dream of standing on stage, then so be it. 

But the day the list came out for the members of the new band, Juunmyeon finally realized that talent itself will trump any hardwork. Young fresh natural talent like Taemin  who hasn't been in the company for long  will be more valued than plain untalented Joonmyeon, who has suffered through three years of hardwork.

On that day, while there was smiles and laughter, there was also anger and tears. Some, more well hidden than others. 

Such as how the young trainee that had entered at the same time as Taemin, Jongin, was all hugs and congratulations for his best friend on his huge success. However hidden in his eyes, Juunmyeon could see the unspoken anger and jealousy. 

Like Jongin, Juunmyeon had put on a mask of happiness for his fellow trainees and shared laughs, while his resolve was slowly crumbling on the inside. 

When Juunmyeon got home, he rushed straight to his room, avoiding his parents questions of whether he got in and later, avoiding their disappointed looks when they realized he had failed. 

Inside his locked room, Juunmyeon had finally let his facade drop. 

he won’t cry.

No, he wouldn’t.

Crying only showed weakness and nothing will change with tears. 

“But I am weak” Juunmyeon would protest. However even then, the boy had refused to let a single tear drop. Staring into his bedside mirror, Juunmyeon saw eyes rimmed with red , from the tears held back by stubbornness . Staring into his ugly face, Juunmyeon could only think of one word at that time

Pathetic

Look at you

You’re so Pathetic

Plain

Boring

Talentless

What a waste of time and space

For Juunmyeon, the harsh words was a method of coping. 

Every once in a while when things get rough, Juunmyeon would lock himself in the bathroom or bedroom to reflect on his on pathetic existence. 

For another four long years waiting for the next boyband to debut, the method of self ‘healing’ has almost became a daily thing.  It helped with the pressure from school.

The mocking from other trainees.

The unrelenting remarks of his instructors.

The disapproving stares of his parents.

As well as to prevent drowning in the amount of stress he puts himself under. 

When Juunmyeon finally was able to debut as part of a 12 member boyband, it was a dream come true. Everything Juunmyeon believed he worked for has paid off. 

For months during the debut stage of his group, Juunmyeon for once felt truly happy. For once, amidst the  group of excitement and happiness, Juunmyeon could finally join in. Even Jongin, noted Juunmyeon, who worked effortlessly after his friend had debuted was crying from tears of joy. Eyes, hiding no inner grief or anger. 

For awhile, Juunmyeon was truly happy. 

But like all good things, they must come to an end. 

As the popularity of Exo rose, Juunmyeons odd habits of self reflection returned. 

Juunymeon should be happy that he is finally able to achieve his dream.

So what if he wasn't the most popular.

So what if he wasn’t most talented and was always pushed aside to make room for the more popular members.

So what if he was always in the background?

So what if he wasn’t as pretty as Luhan or as handsome as Kris

Or as good as singing as Jongdae, Baekhyun or Kyungsoo

Or good as dancing as Jongin, Yixing, or Minseok

or even as good as a rapper as Chanyeol or even sweet innocent Tao

Juunmyeon couldn't complain. He had already ached his dream in being on stage so what more can he want? 

Right?

RIGHT?

But as much as Juunmyeon tries to convince himself that he is happy, a tiny selfish part of him still makes him go back to his mirrors and spit out venom filled words that he knows will hurt. 

………………

Hey Guys. So this is my first ever fanfiction. Its something I wanted to try out and I felt like it would help me with my writing skills.

Anyways, this will be a horror fanfic. This fanfic will also deal with mental issues, depression as well as mentions of self harm. (and not just from Suho)

( please dont kill me. I love Suho, my poor baby)

To add to the horror factor, there may also factors of the supernatural and perhaps, possession later on.

Thanks for reading.