«Please tell me this is not what it looks like.» Suho said, shifting his gaze back and forth from Yixing to Sehun.

Yixing looked at Sehun searching for something, anything, that could have reassured him, but the boy was frozen, his eyes cold and scared, or maybe hurt. And he understood that the other was just as afraid as he was. They had been caught too soon, they hadn't even decided what they were yet. They weren't even ready to tell the others. The Chinese boy mentally facepalmed himself for how unlucky they had been, as he frantically collected some bed sheets to cover himself and the younger up.

He opened his mouth to try to explain, but stopped in his track: what could he possibly have said that wouldn't have sounded lame? They had been caught red-handed, and it was impossible to deny they were fervently kissing. So he stayed there, his lips forming an “O” like a cute mute fish.

«What if it's exactly what it looks like?» Sehun whispered, still giving his back to the leader and the other figure.

«Don't play around.»

«How do you know I'm kidding? Plus, why are you even here?»

«You two didn't come to breakfast. We were worried you had overslept or what. And since we have to leave this afternoon...» the other spoke, and finally Yixing focused on him, finding out it was Baekhyun.

«What about knocking before entering a room that's not yours?»

«We did! And you didn't answer. That's why we entered using this» Baekhyun replied proudly holding up a card, most likely a passepartout.

Sehun spun around to answer back again, but Yixing placed a hand on the younger's shoulder to calm him down. In the silence of the room, the Chinese boy could finally observe Suho and Baekhyun that were still standing in front of the bed. The leader had a shocked look on his face, and his body was so tense that Yixing feared he could have started trembling really soon; Baekhyun, on the other hand, seemed more confused than shocked, even though his features weren't showing any clear emotion. Lay felt the maknae contracting his muscles beneath his hand, but he kept silent.

«But I guess you're fine» the singer added, sending an ambiguous glare «and awake»

Suho was still silent, looking at the two boys on the bed. It was awkward, for each one of them. Sehun was trying to contain his frustration, mainly thanks to Yixing's relaxing presence beside him; Yixing himself was feeling tense and stressed, but he actually didn't know what to say or do. If he had denied the situation, reducing everything to nothing more than an experiment, he would have felt an , especially after the promises he had made to the younger. But also telling the truth was absolutely out of question, as he himself still wasn't sure what the real truth was.

«Thank you for worrying... We won't be late, I promise!» Yixing exclaimed while bowing his head, trying to easy the atmosphere, in vain.

Without replying, or saying anything, Suho exited the room shaking his head; he left the door opened behind himself, a clear sign for Baekhyun to follow him outside. The main singer looked in his direction and then complied, taking a few steps towards the entrance. He halted immediately after, though, turning his head to the boys.

«We'll have to talk, I think Joonmyeon-hyung deserves an explanation. We all do.»

Then, he exited the room, leaving Yixing surprised and puzzled. He swore he had seen some kind of half smile and a wink on his features, and that calmed him a little. Once he heard the door closing, he let go of Sehun's shoulder, leaning back on the headboard while exhaling.

«We're screwed» he sighed out, running a hand into his black hair, as he watched Sehun get up and put on a loose t-shirt.

«I'm sorry, if I had gone downstairs, this wouldn't have happened.» the younger shot through his gritted teeth, while kicking something on the floor out of anger. Even if angry Sehun looked pretty y, Yixing hated seeing the boy like that, especially if he knew the other was blaming himself for no reason.

«It's ok, it's my fault, too. I haven't locked the door as I am used to doing.» Lay replied calmly.

«But! I had been distracted» the Chinese boy whispered, standing and getting closer to the maknae and kissing him on the cheek, before smiling and going to his own luggage, from where he took out clean and comfy clothes for the day. He was scared and shocked and god knows what else, but right then he just wanted to reassure the other, giving him support, because they were in that mess together.

«That was cheesy» the younger said, sticking out his tongue, rage disappearing from his face «You don't hate me...?»

«No, what for?»

«You didn't want to tell the others, and now they know.»

Yixing heard the sad and guilty-like tone that was invading Sehun's voice, and he felt the urge to hug him to make him feel better. And so he did: he finished buttoning his jeans, then reached the spot where Sehun was standing with his head hanging low. He then stretched out his arms and wrapped them securely around the younger's torso, which he started caressing with circular and soothing motions.

«Such a big baby. I'm scared, but you're scared too, so what would be the point in hating you? It happened and we can't do anything to go back and change the past, can we? We'll figure this out. Together.»

«If I hadn't talked back, though...»

Lay shook his head and placed a tender kiss on the other's lips to shut them up. It was cute to see how the tough and careless boy could also be such a sweet and insecure person.

«You're a disrespectful dongsaeng, we all know that. So now stop fussing over it and get your things together, I don't want to be late, it would make things more awkward.»

Sehun looked at him with his eyes widened and a fake pout, then dipped his head to kiss the older again. It was amazing how every problem seemed to shrink whenever they were together. Just like this, they could have been able to defeat the most deathly and dreadful enemy. They deepened the kiss just a little, enough to satisfy their desires without stealing too much time to the packing schedule.

«Why did it have to be Baekhyun-hyung anyway? He won't keep his mouth shut»  the maknae whined once they parted.

«I'm more worried about Joonmyeon, though» Lay said, detaching himself from Sehun and taking a few steps away, going back to his luggage «His face... His words... I just-»

The younger watched him in silence, his forehead forming that frown that Yixing loved so much. He was dead worried. «I-» he started off «I might have an idea»

«About what?»

«About how to fix this situation.»

«Really?» the Chinese dancer asked, his head jolting up for the surprise.

Sehun nodded. «You know, I don't want to hide anymore. Even if it's gonna be difficult, now I think it's time to come out of the closet and let the others know who I really am. But you can't, and that's perfectly understandable. So... If Suho-hyung asks again about what was happening...» he paused a little, scratching his neck in discomfort.

«What?»

«I will say that you were just playing along. Like, I was the one forcing the kiss on you and you were just... Helping me out.»

«I don't get it» Yixing really was confused. He couldn't get the main point in his reasoning. If Sehun had said that to the group, not only he would have been pointed at as “strange” because of his ual orientation, but also as dangerous.

«Basically, I will come out saying that I'm gay, while you will be considered only as an helping hyung. You'll just have to play along.»

«You are aware of the fact that it's more like a suicidal plan, right?»

The maknae forced out a small smile, trying to look confident in front of his lover. «Yeah, I am. But ge, if it's going to protect you, it's fine with me. I can bear the judgements of the rest of the group, I have been thinking about it for such a long time, but what about you? You basically don't even know if you're gay or what.»

«I'll give it a thought, but I'm sure there will be other options that don't involve martyrdom. But don't make me sound like a moody teenager anymore, or else I'll be the one killing you.» he playfully winked, sending a mocking air kiss to Sehun.

«I thought your duty was to heal me, ge, not to end my life.»

«Just shut up and start packing already, you brat!»

Sehun chuckled at the other boy's loveliness, trying to momentarily forget about his own crazy plan as he put his belongings back into the luggage and backpack. His frowning eyes gave him away, though, and Lay just couldn't concentrate on anything else than finding another -and better- solution to their new problem. Just when he thought he had found a peaceful equilibrium, destiny came in and messed everything up again.

Between sweet and playful words and gazes, the two boys finished packing their things a few hours later, just as the alarms on their phones signalled them it was time to have lunch. With the rest of the members. They exchanged a quick and worried look, as they closed the gap that was separating them in an instant. This was going to be their first time as a couple against the world, and it was scary to know that the people around them might have known the truth.

Sehun took Yixing's hands in his own as he looked at the older directly in those brown and kind eyes that seemed the ones of a baby. Then, he squeezed them a little and intertwined their fingers together. All the while, Lay was staring in awe at the tenderness of those gestures, smiling and blushing like crazy. He thought that every obstacle they were going to face was worth it, if the prize of it all were moments like this one.

«Are you ready to lie?» the maknae whispered.

Yixing only nodded, not trusting his own voice to be as firm as he wanted it to be.

«Ok, then. Let's go downstairs, you need to eat.»

Without saying anything, Yixing tiptoed and gently pecked the younger on the lips, stretching his own as he tightened his grip on the other’s hands, trying to comfort both himself and the boy.

«Good luck kiss.» he chirped once they parted.

«Seriously, ge, sometimes you scare me.» Sehun grinned, untangling one of his hands from the other's and taking a few steps towards the door that was physically and symbolically dividing them from the world outside.

«Shut up, you too are a cheeseball» Lay retorted as they reached the door and opened it.

Their still joined hands parted as soon as they both exited the room, so that no one could guess what was going on between them. From then on, they should have kept a low profile, trying to act as normal as possible, but they already knew it would have been complicated. Every inch of their bodies itched every time they were alone to touch, or only brush, the other, to feel that magic spark produced by their skin colliding. Yixing asked himself how had he managed to keep so neutral for all those years, because now he wasn't even able to walk side by side with Sehun without feeling the need to hold his hand or pecking him on the cheek, on the lips, anywhere he could reach. Maybe it was just because now he knew what it felt like, but they couldn't do those things as freely and lightheartedly as they desired to.

They dared to hold each other's hand once they found themselves alone in the elevator, even if at its every slightest halt they both jumped, frightened that someone could have walked in on them being lovey-dovey. So they ended up playing with each other's fingers and exchanging knowing glares without saying anything. But unfortunately, their journey was way too short, and soon they had to let the other go, so that they wouldn't have been caught again.

«We're here, guys» screamed a familiar voice, and Yixing felt Sehun gently tugging at his shirt to guide him to it.

«We thought you two were going to ditch us all again» said Chanyeol, pouting a little.

Yixing smiled fatherly as he sat down, taking one of the two spots left right between Suho and Minseok. The leader was pretending to be absorbed in his own food, and didn't even look up to acknowledge their arrival. It hurt Lay seeing the older acting like that, and scared him to death. What if Joonmyeon wasn't going to accept them and kicked them out of the group? No, that wasn't really like Joonmyeon. He was sure of that, and he was going to hold on that feeble hope until he couldn't have done that anymore.

He felt both Suho and Sehun stiffening on his sides, and he sighed to calm his heart that was pounding too hard, as he himself was slightly trembling for the anxiety. He lifted his eyes and looked around the big table at which all the EXO were seated: there was a tense atmosphere, and an unnatural silence sometimes interrupted by a cough or a whispered word. Generally, Baekhyun, Chanyeol (that, for the record, where now trying to keep a normal conversation) and Chen would have been the loudest ones, talking about the most random things, while an annoyed Kyungsoo (and sometimes, Sehun) would have thrown a fist because they couldn't tolerate all that chaos. The others would have chuckled and teased them. It was really strange, and Yixing could only guess they knew, a suspect that was confirmed as soon as he met Jongin's confused face.

The rest of the group was divided into those who had a serious and frowning face, and the ones who seemed to have an awkwardly embarrassed look, and Yixing tried to decipher what they could have meant. His train of thoughts, though, was abruptly interrupted.

«What's with these long faces? The tour dates went magnificently, and you'll have a little bit of rest once back to Korea» the manager spoke, apparently coming from nowhere.

«We're just... Tired» said Xiumin. At least, he was being partially honest.

«You worked hard, didn't you? Just remember to be on time for the flight, is this clear?»

All the boys nodded, and the manager disappeared again, leaving the group alone once more.

«But he's right, I can't wait to be finally home, guys!» Chanyeol exhaled «I can't do this Chinese thing any longer, I swear!»

«I can't wait to be again in my room. Being Soo's roommate is exhausting. And frightening!» whined Chen, faking a scared look.

«Shut up, you troll! I'm the one who should be exhausted, not you!»

Yixing chuckled at the funny sight, relieved by the fact that maybe some of their friends weren't going to cause any problem. He listened to them arguing for a bit, until they all finished their lunch (which he had devoured without even noticing what he was eating), and slowly they stood up and headed to their rooms, ready to finish packing and  prepare for their return to Korea.

Once back to their room, Yixing plopped himself down on the bed, scratching his neck in discomfort.

«Does it hurt?» Sehun whispered, hugging him from behind, thus taking him by surprise.

«You mean my neck?»

«Also that»

«Oh. Y-yes, it does hurt, a lot, because they're our family and I don't know what I'd do if they decided to abandon us; b-but... It went better than I expected.» he eyed the maknae and added «Is this what you had to endure in all these years?»

Sehun didn't reply, and the older delicately squeezed his hands that were locked on his belly. That action seemed to wake the maknae up from his slumber. «It's not like I've told the truth to many people. And I've been lucky enough to find someone like Tao and you, who didn't reject my personality... But I've met also people who couldn't accept me at all, and this is the scariest part: not knowing if the ones you love and trust are going to accept you after you tell them the truth. If I could know it in advance, maybe it wouldn't hurt that much»

There was so much pain in his voice, that Lay nearly felt tears stinging his own eyes. Sehun was never the one to show his emotions, nor weaknesses, but that only meant that he just had to search for them, or for all the hints that could have given them away. Why hadn't he done that before? It was so clear, now.

«Maybe you're right. And I feel so bad knowing you had to go through all this pain alone. You're braver than I'll ever be. and I'm sure the boys won't leave you, or us.»

«Why? What's stopping them from doing so?»

«They all know, right? Still, you saw how Baekhyun and Jongdae tried to act normally»

«You think they're not gonna hate me?»

«Definitely» and Lay turned his head around slowly, so that his neck wouldn't hurt, and placed a chaste kiss on the younger's lips. Then wriggled a little in order to free himself from the backhug and face Sehun.

They kissed again, nibbling gently at each other's lips a bit before deepening the contact. Yixing closed his eyes as he enjoyed the blissful sensation of being kissed by the maknae, eagerly letting him adding his tongue and take the lead. The Chinese boy's hands found their way to Sehun's cheeks, where they caressed the smooth and pale skin, while the other placed his arms around his waist, pulling him closer in a comfortable and passionate hug. They parted only when they felt the need to breathe, looking at each other smiling.

«I haven't locked the door»

«Is being caught a turn on for you?»

Yixing slapped the younger on his arm. «No! How can you-»

«I was kidding. I got what you meant with that, ge.»

«We should get ready, y'know...»

«We still have some time left» the maknae answered, tracing sensual patterns on Yixing's back, and sending shivers down his spine. How did they go from making fanservice to not being able to keep distance between themselves?

Yixing lifted his eyes, looking directly into Sehun's obscures orbs, sinking in that fluid darkness that was starting to swallow him into a never ending spiral, and he saw something. He saw fear. A fear that the younger was trying to keep locked inside, and that was trying to exorcise through these last and quick make out sessions. And he knew that probably the other could see the same in his eyes as well. So, Lay leaned in and captured Sehun's lips with his own before softly nibbling and at his bottom lip, until he heard the other lightly moan in the kiss. He felt himself being manhandled by the younger, and at that point he detached himself from him, placing a hand on Sehun's sternum to stop him.

«Hey, we really don't have the time for this, now, Sehunnie»

«But what if...?» Sehun trailed off, averting his gaze.

«Come on, we're not going to die for this! Even if it doesn't go well, we'll still be able to see each other and all, won't we?» Yixing said kindly smiling, his dimple appearing while he caressed the other. And with that, he was trying to console himself too. He was actually surprised he had managed to keep that calm, to be honest.

«You're right» the younger answered frowning, before placing a peck on the older's nose and then getting up, to get the last things done. And Yixing did the same.

From then on, everything became frantic and confused and hysteric, as they all had to gather in the all, after having checked if they had forgotten something, speak with the managers for the last instructions, and get on the black cars that were going to take them to the airport without being seen or stopped by the fans that surely were waiting for them outside the building. Suho transformed into a shouting mess, ordering things to the others so that nothing could possibly go wrong. In that chaos, Yixing and Sehun merely got a chance to be one next the other, and also during the trip to the airport they ended up in two different vehicles.

And as usual, the trip was a trauma for the Chinese dancer, who nearly kissed the ground when they finally stopped, having reached their destination.

Once in the airport, things didn't get any better, since they had to avoid all the stalking fans that seemed to appear everywhere to snap exclusive pictures of them. Yes, they loved their fans, Yixing would have given his life to and for them, but sometimes it was bothersome to deal with them, especially when he was tired, or worried, and he wanted to be by himself or with his mates. Even going to the toilets alone could be dangerous. Still, he stopped here and there for some quick autographs, like all the other members. Useless to say that they sighed in relief when they found themselves boarded on the plane, already thinking about home and a good sleep.

Before taking his seat, Yixing looked in Sehun's direction, sending him a warm smile. Then, he plopped himself down. He even tried to start a conversation with Suho and Xiumin, but the latter fell asleep as soon as the plane took off, while the leader didn't pay him much attention, only nodding here and there to fake interest in what he was saying. So, he gave up, and finally drifted off to sleep while the vehicle was flying above the ocean, bringing them home.

Yixing woke up only when someone gently tapped at his shoulder, after the plane had stopped moving. He vaguely heard the captain and the cabin crew saying something through the speakers, and when he opened his eyes, he found all his groupmates in the aisle, half asleep, ready to get off the aircraft. He got up slowly, all his bones and muscles aching for the unnatural position he had kept during the flight. His neck was hurting so much, he nearly saw stars. And just with that he knew the last part of their way back home was going to be more like an Odyssey.

Again they had to deal with the EXO-Ls who were waiting for them outside and inside the airport, taking picture of them while they were still trying to regain a sense of reality, their eyes still half closed and their mind still a little bit fuzzy and numb. They all moved in group, stopping only from now and then to sign some albums or notebooks for the fans, but mainly heading to the black cars that were going to take them to their beds. In the chaos of the crowd, he had a chance to get closer to Sehun and ask him how the flight had gone, and the younger had just the time to hush a quick “yes” before they were separated again. It was a fortune that fans loved the idea of them being a couple more than the members, otherwise it would have been even worse.

After an hour or so, they finally entered their dorm, thanking everything they believed in that that adventure had come to an end. They were really tired, and they just wanted to have a good shower and sleep. It was already late, and they were planning on eating something really quickly, before stumbling on their beds and staying there until the end of forever. Yixing wasn't any different, looking forward to lying on his soft mattress and giving his neck a break.

Everything seemed to go perfectly, and Yixing convinced himself that maybe the others weren't going to open an issue with him and Sehun for what had happened in the morning. And with that thought, he relaxed a bit, joking around with Beakhyun and Chen while waiting for his turn to enter the bathroom, since he really hated showering with others. Outside the bathroom door, he bumped into Sehun, and exchanged a quick and embarrassed look with the younger, that was still half wet. Yixing blushed a little as he felt the other's skin against his and realised that since they had set foot in their dorm, it was the first time they were this near. And the Chinese boy knew it was because the maknae was determined in putting into practice his plan. Because it would have been harder to believe they were not both in love, if they had been caught again.

Still, Yixing felt a kind of pang in his heart as he understood that he had to go back again to how it was before the previous night. The , the longing, the lies. As if being afraid of not being accepted (of Sehun not being accepted) wasn't already enough. He sighed as he entered the shower and let the warm water running on his worn out body. He started humming a melody as soon as he washed himself, calmly cleaning every part of his jaded limbs, already thinking about the deserved rest he was going to take. He felt fine, nearly contented with what he had, even the idea of sneaking around to have his moments with Sehun seemed now positive, enticing, exciting.

But then, he exited the bathroom, his hair still wet despite being completely dressed up, and all his happy expectations shattered as he heard Suho saying:  «Group meeting»

Yixing quickly picked up a towel to dry his wet hair and then headed to the sofas where they were used to holding their meetings. He flashed a worried look to Sehun as they both entered the living room and sat down on the couch, one next to the other. In front of them, standing, there was the leader, while all the other members took their own favourite spot on the couch.

«Hyung, we're tired. Can't we put this off? Just until tomorrow...» whined Baekhyun, his eyes more closed than open.

Yixing took advantage of the leader's distraction to reach down to Sehun's hand and give it a cheering squeeze.

«No. It won't take long, I promise.»

«Ok then» the singer replied, yawning a bit and placing his head on Chanyeol's shoulder.

«First of all, good job for the tour dates! We did our best and the fans appreciated it a lot. I'm really proud of what we've done in these days in Taipei. Everything went smoothly.
Second, I'm also happy no trouble whatsoever was caused. And this is mostly thanks to you all, who have followed the rules perfectly.
Lastly, I'm really thankful that I had the privilege to live this adventure with you, guys. Despite all the problems, we're still working as hard as we can to please the fans, but also ourselves.» he concluded and everyone nodded or clapped, depending on how awake they were.

«Yes, we're the best!» exclaimed Jongdae «Now, can we go, hyung?»

«Yes, please?» whined Baekhyun, now completely buried in Chanyeol's neck to sleep.

«Sehun, what was this morning about?» Joonmyeon asked, ignoring the pleading of the others.

Yixing felt the maknae stiffening beside him as all the other members finally woke up completely and paid attention to the discussion. «I think I've already answered to that, hyung.» he answered. The suicidal plan had started.

«It was exactly what it seemed. I was kissing Yixing-hyung, on our bed, yes. That's not what you're worried about, though. Is it?»

«What did that kiss mean?»

«Why can't you just ask your question directly? Yes, I like boys. Yes, I'm gay. Yes, I was enjoying kissing Yixing-hyung, and I don't regret it. But about him, he was just helping me out; we were both recovering from an hangover, I wanted to kiss him as so I did, he has been kind enough to let me do it. No strings attached.»

That last sentence alone was enough to make Lay's heart sink, leaving him desperate for air. Why did it hurt so much, even if he knew it was just a farce.

«Wow, you really like boys?» asked Chanyeol, with eyes widened «I mean, with all the girls you've ed lately, I would have never thought you were gay.»

«Sehun, are you for real? Are you really doing this?» Jongin's voice broke through the whispering.

«Yes, I'm tired of hiding. I want to be honest with all of you, now. I'm sorry if I am disappointing someone, but this is who I am, and I can't change this. I know this might seem wrong, loving someone of the same , and maybe you don't like this idea, but... Yeah. I'm gay. I like boys. You should have got over it a long time ago, Jongin.» he finally said, glaring at his friend.

«Wait, he knew?!» Jongdae and Baekhyun exclaimed, suddenly becoming active.

«Better than a drama»

«Why no one said anything? I thought there were no secrets between us!»

«Everyone, please, shut up!» shouted Suho, who was massaging his temple «Sehun. You were kissing Yixing because you like boys, but he's not gay, that's basically what you meant, right?» even if his voice was shaking a little, he didn't seem disgusted by it. Only stressed and confused. And that was completely understandable.

«Yes» Sehun replied firmly, his face blunt as always.

«No» and everyone, including Sehun, turned to face Yixing.

AUTHOR'S CORNER... YAY! 

Sooo a new chapter is uppp! Sorry for the long waiting, but as you can see this chapter is very long. And I'm going through a bad period (being a European girl really , lately, so I've been having some kind of panick attacks, meh), and even if writing helps me a lot, sometimes I can't create anything good... sorry. 
For those who got at least one person right, either you read my mind or you're amazing! BTW, I hope you like this chapter, I'm well aware it's quite slow, but yeah, next one will probably be the last one so try to enjoy it as much as you can... 
Thank you all for your comments (lovely as always), subscriptions and upvotes, I love you all! ^^ 
See you for the next chapter!