If iI'm sick, then when will I get better?

If I'm delusional, then when will I face reality?

If I'm just a teenager, then when will I grow up?

I like talking to myself, but I'm not supposed to do it"because it's weird and people will think you're crazy".

I like to call it "mind and heart chat". It's like this, whenever I feel bad, i'd just talk it out with myself. If I want to cut, my heart would say " cut your wrist, go for it, you'll feel better" but my mind says otherwise " not your wrist , it's gonna show and you'll get in trouble, cut your leg you'll feel better both ways".

When I'm about to like someone, my heart approves right away saying that it'll be great to care for someone but my mind disagrees cuz eventually, that boyfriend will find out how ed up I am and walk away.

I've always had this kind of talk with myself whenever I feel stuck and unable to make a choice.

And in the end, i listen to my mind. So far it worked. They say the heart makes a person strong willed and happy and relieved, it keeps the person sane and human. BULL.

Im ed up and I've been following my mind for so long to stay this way. If for a second I decided to do as my heart says - which is what I've been doing for the past few months and look where it got me- , I'd be dead by now. Now I'm done. Im starting fresh, a clean new chapter with no distractions and I'm gonna keep it that way.

What minseok n