8. Guardian [Pairings: Myungyeol]

A late autumn in year 2025

Sunggyu had told him after Woohyun’s marriage, “Don’t make dreams that will never achieve or you will just be the one who suffers from pain.” Don’t treat the affection for Myungsoo too serious, or he will get mad when Myungsoo marries.

The prophecy came true. At that very moment when Myungsoo revealed to the entire INFINITE about his marriage, Sungyeol’s mind was a total blank. He wanted to stop the marriage, he wanted to find a corner and cry. But his rationalist and reality didn’t allow his to do so. No, he couldn’t, he didn’t have the right to stop, to cry. He was just a friend, a very good friend of Myungsoo. Nothing more.

Sungyeol remained his calm face, though under his mask was a total mess. Sad, hopeless, disappointed. He was the first to leave when the meeting ended.

Once he turned, his lips formed a playful smirk. In this ambiguous relationship, they are definitely not couple, but not as a pair friend that simple. Of course, he had wished, he had wished that the person he loved love him back, though he knew it will only become true in his dream, but he didn’t stop to wish. Finally, this impossible love had come to an end.

“Click, click.”

Raged, Sungyeol closed all the tabs on the computer. But later, trembling, he reopened all the tabs. News, SNS, instagram, twitter, basically every websites about INFINITE were about the marriage of Myungsoo. In the picture, he was hugging a pretty girl, flashing his smile that can make everyone falls in love. He was wearing a black suit and she was wearing a white wedding gown. If they were just some strangers Sungyeol bumped into, it was for sure that he would be amazed by how great the two looked together and gave them his blessings. But he couldn’t in this case. Why? Because he was Myungsoo, the one and only Kim Myungsoo to Sungyeol.

What should I do? Sungyeol thought. He hadn’t date since he debuted as INFINITE, partly because of the busy life as celebrities, but partly was because he was waiting, waiting for Myungsoo to return his love and they live happily ever after, just like in every fairy tales the prince and princess will do. Myungsoo was the prince, undoubtedly, but the problem was that Sungyeol was not the princess, neither they were living in the fairyland.

What should I do? Date, and marry? He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t marry the girl who he doesn’t truly love. Wait? That wasn’t possible either. He had already waited for years but what he received was this tearfully painful news.

Sungyeol didn’t know what he should do.

Sungyeol didn’t know how he got the strength to get into the car.  

He sat on the car seat, staring something beyond the window blankly. The city view became a blur as the car rushed by. He saw couples as they walked on the street holding hands blissfully, and giving one another a slight peek on their cheek. They were happy, even the aura they were giving was happiness. But it was nothing to Sungyeol, each knowing smile, each shy kiss were a satire on him. He wanted to scream, scream at the top of his lungs, until he could hear nothing but the tortured phlegm in the throat. But he didn’t, he didn’t want to show his fragile side to anyone.

The car had finally arrived the airport.  Wobbling, Sungyeol stepped into the airport which was filled with the screaming of the INSPIRITS, beside him was INFINITE and their managers, but except Myungsoo. He pulled his hat lower until it covered his eyes. He was wearing a black hat, sunglasses, back coat, black backpack. In one word to describe Sungyeol’s airport fashion was “black”, Myungsoo’s favorite color.

Stumbling, restlessly, Sungyeol arrived the country were Myungsoo’s held his wedding ceremony. No, to be precise, was his and her wedding ceremony.  He didn’t go to the hotel directly. Saying that he wanted to look around, he walked off. He wandered in the city aimlessly, until his foot could support no more. He squatted down on the cold concrete road, put on his earphone, and listened to all the songs INFINITE sang. From Come Back Again, She’s Back, to the most recent song. He kept replaying them, replayed the part of Myungsoo’s. Myungsoo’s voice made the façade he was building for days crumbled down. The way Myungsoo pestered him to play with him, the way Myungsoo smiled, the way Myungsoo got irritated, the way Myungsoo hugged him… Myungsoo, memories burst in Sungyeol’s mind uncontrollably, mingling with Myungsoo’s voice from his earphone. Finally, Sungyeol could hold his tears no more. A single tear slid down from his warm, butterscotch eyes, followed by another one, and another one. Until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed its way down his pale cheek, releasing the sadness and sorrow that had been held inside of him these days.

People looked at him like he was a weirdo, but Sungyeol didn’t care at all, his mind was consumed with the image of Myungsoo.

Time flies. It was late night, and Sungyeol pulled his drained skull from the ground and headed to the hotel.

“Myungsoo, give me a cup of water.” Sungyeol said in reflex as he was in his bed.

The originally noisy room suddenly turned quiet, into an uncomfortable silence. Everyone was staring at him. He finally realized that Myungsoo was not here.

He squeezed a fake smile, and muttered, “Sorry.” And scurried to satisfy his dried throat. The expressions in the others’ eyes were sorry and pity, Sungyeol didn’t want to know the meaning.

I forget it again, Myungsoo isn’t with me anymore. Sungyeol thought, and laughed self-deprecatingly.

For the whole night, Sungyeol was not tired at all. He was not the style that could stay up all night, it was a fact that everybody know. But, strangely, that day, Sungyeol didn’t want to sleep. It was an unforgettable night, not because of how beautiful the night was, but because of how painful his heart felt. He witnessed how the people on the street left and went back to their home, how the lights from the apartments switched off, how the moon moved from the east to the west until it disappeared from his view. Until the sky turned into a pure blackness, the few stars twinkling were the only light source in the gloomy night.

The night when there was no one beside you always seemed so long. However the sunrise happened surprisingly fast. Sungyeol didn’t know how long he had sat there, looking at the world beyond the hotel window. Until the yellow ray of the sun woke him up from his sorrow. Brilliant orange poured out of the sun and across the horizon. They sky was blood red. The clouds were every shade from palest pink to deep crimson. Dawn broke over the horizon, the sun spilled across the clouds as far as the eye could see.

Sungyeol forgot how the INFINITE reacted when they found him sitting on the chair whole night, he also forgot how he arrived the wedding venue.

When he was back to the reality he found himself sitting in the church. Unlike the cheesy Woohyun who welcomed INSPIRITS to join his wedding, Myungsoo prefer to have a private wedding in which only his closest friends were invited.

The wedding song started, echoing in Sungyeol’s eardrum, seemed so ear-piercing to him. Followed by the song, the bride and the broom walked down the aisle. Sungyeol looked at Myungsoo, he was as handsome, as flawless as always, his lips were forming an upward curve, showing off his loveable dimple. He smiled at the guest politely, and lastly, he turned his gaze to the INFINITE who were just behind his parents. His smile frozen when he saw Sungyeol, blood-shot eyes, messy hair. Then quickly, he turned his gaze.

Sungyeol of course noticed the micro-expression displayed on Myungsoo’s face, but he chose to ignore.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…” the minister began. Sungyeol still got to face the pain, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, to evade it.

He said the speech and afterward the couple exchanged vows. Sungyeol couldn’t hear what they were saying, his ears were buzzing and his head was throbbing violently, tears were whelming in his eyes. No, he couldn’t cry, he didn’t get the right to cry.

“Does anyone object this marriage?” the minister asked, “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

At that very moment, Sungyeol felt blood rushing to his brain, he wanted to cried out loud that he objected it. But he didn’t do so, he was no longer the choding years ago. He sat there, stiffed, hands clenching tightly, so tight that his fingernails had left four blood trails on his palm.

“Now, you may kiss the bride.” The minister said to Myungsoo. The bride brushed, and Myungsoo, slowly, leaned towards her lips. And they kissed.

The guest applause, but Sungyeol couldn’t do so. He couldn’t stand more, he wasn’t a saint, he couldn’t smile happily while the person he loves was going to marry. His face muscle was aching from the reluctant smile, head hanging low, the two shivering arms told his sadness.

“Firstly, thank you, my parents and my bride’s parents. Because of you, I can meet my beautiful wife and live happily.” Myungsoo said in his deep voice.

“Secondly, thank you, Woolim’s president, and manager hyungs. Because of you, the name, Kim Myungsoo, is special.

Thirdly, thank you, my forever colleagues and best friends, INFINITE, especially Sungyeol. Because of you, I can persist my dream as a celebrity to today.”

Hearing his name, Sungyeol shivered, and lifted his head in attempt of acting calm. He smiled, the sadest smile ever, and exchange a glance. Then he avoid Myungsoo’s eyes, and smiled bitterly to himself. Sungjong squeezed Sungyeol’s arm while Sunggyu patted his shoulder as a support. Sungyeol finally understood why Sunggyu cried that night when they returned from Woohyun’s wedding, he finally understood heartbreaking feeling.

Suffering. That’s how Sunggyu always described it. Although Sungyeol believed it was much more than just “suffering”. It was a plethora of shattered bones, burning flesh, and cracked skulls. In other words, it was pain and painful. Heavy, the air seemed to be as the agonizingly long as days drew one.

The wedding ceremony finally came to an end. They were at the wedding party. People dancing, blazing music, numerous food, cups of alcohol.

Myungsoo was smiling happily as he received blessing from the guest.

“Myungsoo.” After taking a few cups of alcohol, Sungyeol finally got the bravery to say the name out.

“Yes?” Myungsoo answered in a cheerful tone, but stopped track when he saw the person in front of him. “Sungyeol…”

“I wish you happy.” Sungyeol said, pulling a smile.

“Thank you.” Myungsoo replied.

“You two look sweet.” Sungyeol said, and walked away, leaving the last part of his sentence unfinished, “I’m selfish, I admit, so I cannot let go of you. Myungsoo, let me be your guardian, forever.” 

Author: Hihi, I'm back. Sorry for the long absence.

Please subsribe and comment if you like if. :D

p.s. INFINITE's comeback daebak!!! OMG OMG OMG!