I just got home from a tiring day at school. I’m in the mood to read some new Taemin fanfics I could read so I opened my laptop and went to Asianfanfics.

     “Secret Garden Roleplay (Facebook Based)…” I continued reading until the last line. Roleplay? This is the first time I saw an advertisement on my wall. I’ve seen stories like those in recently updated fics but never received one of these before.

I copy-paste the link and opened it. To be honest, I was intrigued with all these roleplays. I want to know what the purpose is and how is it popular these days.

Eyes shifted from one paragraph to another. It has Rules like school and it even instructs how to join.

    What’s a masterlist? I saw the second chapter of the roleplay story and clicked on it. It was a big list of characters, specifically k-idols. I scrolled to see the SHINee members and they were complete. I thought about being an F(x) member because they seem to ship them together. I want to be with SHINee oppas. Maybe this is one of the purposes of roleplaying; to flirt imaginatively with your bias.

    Sadly, Sulli was taken. I decided to be Krystal instead. After I read all the things I should do to join, I filled the form and waited to be accepted

     “Eunji, Do you know how to roleplay in Facebook?” I typed in and sent the message to my friend. She is also a member in AsianFanfics and she loves to explore new things so maybe she has roleplayed even once.

Instantly, I received a reply saying, “YES! Are you roleplaying now?”. I laugh at her reply. She’s probably done this for a while now. She sounds happy that I mentioned it to her.

“Join Secret Garden! I’m Taeyeon there!” she texts me again. It seems like I’ll be joining the same roleplay as she is. That’s great because I’m new and I need some guidance and to clear out some things for me.

After a while, I checked and got accepted in the roleplay. All that’s left is to create a Facebook account. Crap, I have to create a new e-mail address and everything.

______________________________________________________________________________

    Day One of my roleplaying life has started. The administrators of the roleplay welcomed me and also the other members. Eunji messaged me the moment she saw me online.

Hey!

Hey! Help. What do I need to know?

First of all, this is a roleplay. You can’t share anything about you unless it’s in an OOC, which stands for Out of Character, post or anything. Everything about you is fictional and it’s up to you how you would like to be.

Okay, got that.

You do actions by putting an asterisk or slash or dash before and after the action. Example. “Hi Krystal, you look pretty today *smiles at you*”

Wouldn’t that make the post in bold form?

This isn’t 2008, Naeun! HAHAHA.

Oh, sorry. I’m not used to these social sites except Instagram

Vain. Just because you’re pretty

I’m not.

Anyway, this roleplay does not allow god or goddess roleplaying.

And that means?

You’re not supposed to be perfect and all. You don’t have superpowers and you can’t kill people.

I see. How can you be in a relationship?

This is a straight roleplay so you’re in luck. All the guys here are straight. Dating ban is until 2 weeks so that means you have 2 weeks to wait until you can get into a relationship.

So you just flirt like how you do with Baekhyun at school?

SHUSH!

Oh! I get why you’re Taeyeon now because that’s Baekhyun’s bias.

SHUT UP! HAHAHAH.

Baekhyun roleplays?

Don’t tell anyone but he does HAHAHA.

Is he in this roleplay?

He’s Leeteuk here. Teehee.

Oh. So he’s your boyfriend here?

You can develop into something else in real life, y’know *winks*

JUNG EUNJI! Why didn’t you tell me?

Have fun roleplaying HAHAH.

     That girl. She doesn’t tell me anything unless I ask myself. Alright, Naeun. You’ll do fine. I explored the roleplaying world in a day. And what’s exciting was talking to the SHINee roleplayers. Jonghyun and Key were taken and Onew wasn’t online the whole day so what’s left was Minho and Taemin.

Lee Taemin

Hi Krystal! *bows down* Nice to see you here.

Ohmygod It’s Taemin! A Taemin roleplayer actually posted on my wall. I decide to tell Eunji about it but she just laughed at me and told me that it’s normal. Almost all the members usually welcome and greet new members to either gain friends or for them to feel like they’re not alone in the roleplay.

______________________________________________________________________________

     The next day at school, Eunji and I talked all day about the roleplay. Honestly, I felt closer to Eunji and that we finally had something new to talk about and fangirl about. Although I know now that Baekhyun and Eunji are together, they don’t seem to be so showy about their relationship. Eunji told me that friends and school is their priority during weekdays and when at school but they eventually interact throught the roleplay and when they meet during Saturdays.

     My phone vibrated, notifying me that I received a notification on Facebook. I took my phone out of my pocket instantly. It was Taemin. We have been messaging since last night and I don’t know if I’m assuming but he seems a bit flirty with me.

     “Ooh, who’s that?” Eunji peeked at my phone. I tried to move away but I guess she already saw that I was talking to someone.

I gulped and replied to Taemin before I can talk to my friend. “It’s just Taem.”

The moment I mentioned him, Eunji gave me a mischievously look. “Already getting a man, huh?”

My eyes widened at her question. “What? You’re crazy. Dating ban, remember?” I say to her. Her face was in disbelief but was teasing at the same time.

“Give me Bubble tea if ever Taemin becomes your man, okay?” she giggles and pulls me to the cafeteria.

     I was staring at my phone even when Eunji was pulling me. This person seems to be online all day though. Eunji told me that even the boy roleplayers are girls in real life and it happens rarely that a boy roleplay is a boy in real life so lucky for her she found Baekhyun.

“Hey! It’s Jongin.” Eunji was poking my shoulder. I look to my right to see him, standing there, getting his lunch.

     Kim Jongin, the most handsome guy in our batch. He is a heartthrob in the school. Girls want him and boys want to be him. He was my first love and we live in two different worlds. He was popular and I was just a normal girl. I never got to express how I felt before I about him but it faded away eventually. But I’ve got to admit, he’s still so attractive.

“Eunji, you know that I’ve moved on from my puppy love for him.” I nudged her elbow with mine.

     Then Boom. Someone bumped me and I hit the floor, so did my phone. I opened my eyes and searched for my phone. “Watch where you’re going.” I say to the person in front of me.

“I’m sorry.” A male voice was heard from my north. My eyes shifted from the ground to the person. It is a boy.

Two phones were at my right side. Both were white and the same model as my phone. “They multiplied?” I hear Eunji say.

The guy chuckled and grabbed the two phones. Eunji helped me up and I got one phone from the guy’s hand and looked at the screen. My eyes widened, it wasn’t my Facebook but it was chatting with….me.

______________________________________________________________________________

     “I swear, Eunji! It was the guy who was chatting with me! He’s Taemin from the roleplay!” I tried to convince her. I was in the phone with Eunji for 10 minutes already and she thinks I’m only hallucinating all the things I saw on the screen.

     I did not have time to ask the guy who he was and if he really is roleplaying. He snatched the phone back and gave mine to me. He walked away after that.  It wasn’t was I expecting as well and it’s hard to believe but I know what I saw was all true.

“So what you’re saying is that Park Chanyeol, the hunkiest guy in the basketball team, would roleplay as Taemin on a Facebook based roleplay from Asianfanfics?” Eunji had a tone, which made me sound as if I’m going crazy.

I sighed and softly say, “But it’s possible.” I know I’m not insane and I definitely don’t need eyeglasses. What I saw was not a joke.

“Okay,” Eunji giggles. “Here’s what you do. Be close to that Taemin but don’t get involve in a relationship please because it would build an awkward phase between the OOCs. You would want that person to be comfortable with you. From time to time, talk as the person you really are. And when you guys become close, BAM! You guys will send each other OOCs picture in no time.”

I furrow my brows at Eunji’s idea. Why does it seem like she did that before?

“Are you sure that’ll work?” I say, anxious that the plan might fail.

“Trust me,” she says. “It will work and you wouldn’t feel so worried about failing.”

______________________________________________________________________________

     I did as I was told. I become close with the Taemin roleplayer and I tried not to sound all flirty around him. At times he becomes very flirty and sweet. And then a day came when I decided to ask the person about his or her real life.

Taem!

Stal! Hey, what’s up? Did you sleep well?

Hey, can we tall like out of character?

Tall? What? HAHAHA

I mean talk. That was a typo HAHAHA

Well, sure. What’s your name?

Mine’s Naeun. And yours?

I prefer to be called “Kai”

Oh, so you’re a girl or a boy?

HAHAHA boy. And I’m sure.

That must sound offensive HAHAHA. I’m sorry

You live in Korea?

Yeah, how’d you know?

Your name sounds familiar J

Why? You’re Korean? Which School are you from?

School of Performing Arts in Seoul

Same! Oh my God!

May I see a picture of you, Naeun? If it isn’t too much to ask.

[insert picture here]

You look familiar and very beautiful. Do you want to meet up at school?

Sure, I’ll see you in the rooftop during lunch.

     “Kai? Doesn’t sound familiar though.” Eunji says to me through the phone.  I got anxious and I felt stupid because I didn’t ask for his picture. I’m so glad he wants to meet up at school.

I toss and turn on my bed before I could say a word to Eunji.I’m going crazy. I feel like I want to get to know this person but I’m nervous. It feels like an episode of catfish and the person will turn out to be a girl or worst… from a lower batch. This is so insane.

    “Do you think it’s Chanyeol? I really think it’s him.” I reply to her. My heart feels so worried but at the same time excited. I don’t know how I feel about this. He’s been nothing but sweet and I feel like he really wants to get to know me. Will we turn out to be something like Eunji and Baekhyun?

“Naeun? Hey! Are you still there?” I hear Eunji’s voice which knocked me out of my senses.

“Hey. I’m here.” I say to her softly and fanned my cheeks. They were heating up at the thoughts in my head.

______________________________________________________________________________

     I rest my head on the lunch table while my friends eat. This is so sad. Kai cancelled on me. He said he was sick and he had to stay home to rest. What’s weird is he told me that he’d miss me.

    “Naeun, what’s wrong?” Eunji shakes my arm and pokes my head at the same time. I don’t know exactly why I’m acting like this. Maybe it’s just because I expect to see him today, maybe because I want to get to know him more. Oh, I don’t know.

    I sigh and face my friend. “I thought I’d see Kai today.” My head turned sideways to see if anyone is approaching me or something. “But he’s sick.”

 “Hmm,” Eunji tilts her head. “That’s funny. I heard Jongin’s sick too.”  She furrows her brows and taps her chin twice.

“What? Are you imply—” but before I could continue, Chanyeol was right in front of us, smiling. “Hi Miss.” He says while looking at me.

I look to the side to look at Eunji who has opened. My eyes shift back to the male in front. “Me?” I point to myself.

Could it be Chanyeol who’s Kai? I mean, he’s awfully leaving clues. He nods and held out his hand. “Would you mind walking around with me?” he asks.

“Hey, Naeun.” I hear Eunji whisper. “You look like a tomato right now.”

I involuntarily hold my cheeks and feel them warm up. “Tomato.” I accidentally say.

Chanyeol chuckles. “What?”

“Yes,” I blink twice at him. “I mean, Yes. I’d love to.”

     Chanyeol and I walk side by side at the school front. It was a silent walk but every time I catch a glimpse of him, he is smiling at me all the time. “So?” I say to break the silence.

“Oh, right. You’re probably wondering why I wanted you to come hear and have a walk.” He says and chuckles in between the sentence.

I nod to him, stop and face him. “Are you hear to tell me about something?”

“I don’t know. I just think you’re very pretty and I think I have a crush on you.” He says to straightforwardly.

Wait I – My phone suddenly vibrates. “Excuse me.” I dug my phone out of my pocket. “Lee Taemin: I’m here at the rooftop.”

My heart thumped fast and my head rises up and my eyes searches for him. I see a small figure of a head from way up there. I got surprised, I feel like I’ve seen him before. It wasn’t clear because the sun was so bright which made me squint my eyes.  But I can see he looks upset.

   “Hey, I’m sorry I have to go.” I say to Chanyeol. “I’m really sorry.” I rush inside the building and hurriedly run all way going to the rooftop.

The moment I arrive the area, I see no sign of anyone. No one was there anymore. Am I going crazy? Is Eunji right and I’m only hallucinating these past events?

“Kai? Are you there?” I shout loud enough to be heard around the rooftop. My head was turning left and right. But there was no sign of him.

“I feel so crazy right now. Are you even true?” I touch my forehead with the palm of my hands. “Please tell me you really are here. So I don’t feel like I’m learning to like someone who’s not real.”

I heard light footsteps behind me. “I’m real.” I hear a male voice. It wasn’t too deep and it wasn’t too high.

I face him instantly. “Kai!” my jaw drops the moment I see him. He’s not someone familiar. He’s someone I know. He’s Jongin. “Jongin? Are you “Kai”?”

He nods once and gives me a smile. “Kai’s my nickname. I thought you would know though.”

“No,” my eyes widened. “You’re Taemin?”

“It’s hard to believe but,” he chuckles before saying a word. “Baekhyun hooked me up with it.”

I still can’t believe it. Kim Jongin, my first and only love – aside from Taemin—is the one I met through a roleplay who I was supposed to flirt with but is a flirt to me yet very sweet.

“So, ‘learning to like someone’? What’s that all about?” He smiles innocently and I lose every dignity I have left.

“Well,” I avoided eye contact with him. “I don’t know. I just—I know it’s all roleplay to you probably but I just.. You were my first love and now that I know it’s you. It’s building up all over again and even before I knew it’s you... I felt something strange.” I stuttered a bit.

My eyes look up to him and he was looking at me with a blank face. “Naeun,” he walks closer to me.

“Yeah?”

“You’re beautiful.” He holds my cheek and reaches for my forehead. He kisses it softly with his plump lips.

______________________________________________________________________________

And that’s the story of how I met my boyfriend, Kim Jongin. We’ve been together for a year and half now. Unlike Baekhyun and Eunji, we go out in public more. One of the first problems we had was Chanyeol and all the other boys who surprisingly had a crush on me. Jongin calls me “Beautiful.” Almost all the time because he says it’s the first and last thing he would describe me as. Which is weird because it sometimes tell me that he only liked me because I’m pretty but that’s how it is. That’s how love starts, with attraction. It can be physical, emotional or mental. Nothing will stop that. That’s why I learned to like him and why he learned to like me.

I asked him about the phone thing with Chanyeol once because that bugged me a lot in the first month of our relationship. And he says, he asked Chanyeol to hold his phone for him that time. That caused all my confusion but I’m thankful It happened or else I wouldn’t sort out my feelings for him.

"Will I be able to be next to you, without revealing my pounding heart?"

Beautiful Girl by Teen Top