Almost is Never Enough
Tablature >Eunji
Three, four, and five. I count the big boxes inside my room. Those boxes are filled with the stuff I don't need for school that can already be shipped to Japan. Yes, Japan. We're going to live there for the next several years of my life. Why? Because my dad landed a job which paid higher compared to how much he gets every month in Korea.
It took a while for me to cope in. It's been exactly a week since they told me about it and at first, I did not take it well. Not at all. Especially when I have all my friends here and I've found the man of my dreams; Byun Baekhyun.
"Eunji, you'll be late!" I heard my mom shout from downstairs. My thoughts faded away like dust and led me back to reality. Right. It's Monday.
I was already in my uniform before I started fixing the "moving out" boxes. Before I could leave the house, I grabbed one toast from the plate and kissed my mom goodbye.
The bike ride to school didn't take a while considering the traffic on the big streets. My friends, Chorong and Bomi we're outside school, waiting for me. As soon as I parked my bike, they both walked towards me and clung to both of my arms, surrounding me.
"Eh?" I looked at them both with a confused face. "What is it?"
The smallest one, Chorong, replied "What's what?"
"Why are you both clingy?"
Bomi chuckled after that question. "Don't you want to spend time with us? You have 3 months left in this school."
"Right." I knew I was moving but I never knew I had few months left. It kind of bugs me because almost every one in the batch is going to attend senior high here . Only handful of student are going to leave. Either they have personal reasons or they were expelled.
"B, 3 o'clock." I felt Bomi's light nudge on my arm, making me face the right side. There, I saw Baekhyun headed towards the building with toast dangling on in his mouth. He looked so cute, he seems to be running late too.
My jaw drops and my eyes soften as I catch a glimpse of his beautiful side profile -- and y toast biting lips. "I had toast for breakfast too" I say as I lay my head on Bomi's shoulder.
The two girls beside me, pulled me and ran as I tried to keep up with them. They Were trying to follow Baekhyun. Of course It happened. We we're walking 2 feet away from him. He had that black and yellow body bag of his, on his right hand is a math book and the other would brush his hair for a few gorgeous moments.
Baekhyun wasn't the most handsome guy in school. He wasn't one of the popular boys and most certainly not those stereotype basketball players who gets all the honks of girls. He was a simple boy from a simple family. He is smart and he loves playing badminton. Baekhyun belongs to the Honor section, class A and I fit in with the above average, class B. It's hard seeing him in class because our classes are different. The only times I would see him is before class, recess, lunch and after class. Those, and if he goes to the comfort room then he has to pass by our room. But it was impossible for me to pass by his classroom because it was the last one. After that it's a dead-end hallway.
> Baekhyun
The hallways were crowded and everybody's rushing to get to their perspective rooms. I hate being late. It feels like you don't have time to prepare for the day at school. I didn't even get to eat proper breakfast with my family. I blame the Math project I stayed up late for.
I reached for my bag to grab my to-do list. It was hard to keep your eyes on the hall when you're in a hurry and your bag was messy as usual. I stopped walking in order to search for my list in my bag. Once I snatched it out, I felt a huge bump behind me. It made me drop my list and the list was stepped on and slided from one area to another.
I tried to follow the list with my eyes but there were too much feet and moving that's happening on the hallways. It was already making me dizzy.
"Great." I faced behind me. "Who did that?" I say as soon as I saw three girls right in front of me. They had faces of guilt. I could sense it from their shaking hands and anxious eyes.
The girl on the right and the one on the left stepped forward, looking down. Their heads we're stuck on the ground and both of them we're playing with their own fingers. The girl on the middle was just blinking at me. I know this girl. I saw her before. I looked at her name plate by the right side of her blazer. I noticed it was color green, our year color. So they're also sophomores.
"You two." I started. "Watch we're you two are going."
The tall one looked up with a pitiful face. "We're sorry. We pushed our friend to you."
My eyebrows narrow while I tilt my head to the side with a thought. "Why?"
"We won't do it again." The small one with black hair and bangs says, still looking down. "We we're fooling around."
"I hope you guys don't. It caused me my to-do list and my punctuality." I said to them with a disappointed tone.
I felt a soft tap on the back of my shoulder. It felt like a girl's hand. My head slowly turned to her and saw the girl that used to be in between the two other girls. I looked back at the middle of the two girls and then back at the girl simultaneously. "Where were you?"
She lifts up a pad paper which was my messed up to-do list. I reach for the list as I look at the girl. She lets go of it the moment I laid a finger. "Thanks" I tell her.
"Yeah," she looks away and grabs her friends' wrist with both of her hands. "Sorry again."
>Eunji
I walk away with both of my fist curled and my face felt so hot. Oh boy, that's the first time I talked to him in awhile. I never felt so embarrassed and scared at the same time. The first talk we had is when we were at library. Our mutual friend, Suho, introduced me to him and at first, he looked very nerdy and untidy. He wasn't my type that time but he seems to be good looking when you notice him for quite some time.
"We're so sorry, Eunji." Bomi says while she tilts her head over to me to see if I look mad. I'm actually not mad. I just didn't like the fact that they had to push me. I mean they could have left me and at least I can enjoy walking behind him solo.
I smile at both of them. "Hey," I lay a hand on each of my friends' back. "It's okay. Let's go to class."
"Y'know, I wonder when you'll confess your love to him." said Chorong. She glances at me then at the back where Baekhyun was a few meters away, walking while writing on his to-do list.
Love? I think that's too much for a crush. I mean, I know I sound like a naive girl saying that he is the love of my life but I know in reality that he is just my crush and I just admire him. I may know his favorite subject but I don't even know how he learned to love that. I know his money problem but I don't know the whole story. I know he doesn't like making too many friends which is why I'll never get close to him.
______________________________________________________________________________
"Are you alright?" I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I saw Suho's face the moment I turn to look.
"Yeah." My head went back to the real world. "I'm just a bit sad that I'll never get a chance to befriend your friend."
"Who? Baek?" Suho took the chair beside me. "He's easy to get along with."
I huffed. "Do you think I should confess?"
He shrugs before he say anything. "It's up to you. He's not friendly but he would never hurt a girl. Unless he's grumpy."
I looked up, thoughtful. My head instantly thought of thousands of ways to tell him how I feel about him. "When's a good time?"
He snickers and smiles as his eyebrows pinch together. "As soon as possible. You're leaving, right?"
I nod to him. "You're right." I mumbled as I try to plan perfectly on how I should confess to him.
>Baekhyun
I was heading home with Suho beside me, walking. His house was a street away from mine so ever since we've been walking home to school. Suho is my first friend from outside my class. Whenever I encounter someone from outside Class A, it's either the person hates us or the person is just one of the obsessive girls who like the basketball players in my class. Good looks, knowledge and athleticism. What else would they ask for?
"Hey, Baek." I heard his voice. My head turns to him after a few seconds. "Do you remember Jung Eunji?"
The name rang a bell lightly. It was familiar but not enough to picture her face or her voice. "Yeah but it's a bit foggy."
"Full bangs, class B, library orientation." He says to me. And I remember events such as last 9th grade, the Glee club were asked to practice in class A and I remember her singing a solo. A few months ago, there was a library orientation and almost no one was listening. Suho introduced me to two of his close friends in class B. One girl and one guy. And earlier, she gave me my to-do list when I was talking to the other two girls.
"What about her?" I said to him after a brief moment of remembering.
He gives me a light smile. "What do you think of her?"
My face turned from curious to confused. I have no idea why he's asking all these. Does she like the girl? Is he going to ask for love advices? I sure hope not.
"C'mon, tell me." He nudges my arm with his elbow.
"If you like her then just tell her. Don't waste that chance." I say to him
______________________________________________________________________________
"Dang it!" my friend, Chanyeol says while he eyes the little ant on his food. It was recess time and everyone is in the cafeteria trying to sooth their minds and eat. Most likely eat while talking out loud with your friends.
"What's wrong? It's just an ant" I face the guy after swallowing the food in my mouth earlier.
"It's now contaminated." He shoves his food away from him and crosses his arms together. He looks upset and like a dunce at the same time. I flash a half-smile at him and turn to face my food again.
To my surprise I see a pack of chocolate right in front of me and two hands holding onto it. My eyes trail from the hands to the person's face. It's her.
"I have -- something to say." She says with a little strain in her voice. She wasn't facing me. I could feel she has this very nervous and shaky aura around her. By what she was doing, she getting attention. Not just at the people on my table but also the ones outside us.
"What is it?" I tell her and shift my gaze at her name plate. Jung Eunji
>Eunji
I took the last breath of my life. My eyes were locked on the table and there was no way anything to could make me look up or at him until I say what I have to. My cheeks were burning and I could feel my hands shake as if I have a nerve condition. My heart was beating fast, I could feel the pulse through my veins. Here it goes.
"Baekhyun-ssi," I say, still holding the chocolate in my hands. I feel like I'm going to mess this up and this will embarrass me for the last three months I have left here.
"What? Time is ticking, Eunji-ssi." I hear him say. Wait, did he just say my name? Oh boy.
It was the first time I hear him say it and it felt so angelic. It's the first time I love someone call my name. I began to be lost for words and my cheeks are going to hit the boiling point already.
"Okay," I, again, took a deep breath. My head lifts up and my eyes met his. "I like you." Then I heard people squeaking and teasing from the background.
The moment after I said those words, my whole world stopped. Everything was ready to fall or ready to be saved but it's more likely to fall. There was a thought of regret but it was all out of my chest. I don't have to hide the way I feel about him anymore.
My throat feel dry and my eyes feel like they never want to blink. It took so much time for him to react to my confession. He looks at me for a minute or two and he smiles at me. "Uh, this is the first time anyone has done that to me and I think you're brave. But I don't know you that well so..."
"That's okay." I sheepishly smile at him. "Please accept the chocolate"
I should be very sad that he says he doesn't know me but I am more relieved and feeling appreciated because of him. I mean, he has a point. I knew he wouldn't like me back instantly but I sure do hope he will. When we get close to each other, of course.
"Thanks," he stands up and gets the chocolate from me. "Perhaps I'll be seeing you more often, yeah?" He smiles as he walks away. At the right timing, smart- Byun Baekhyun leaves the moment the bell rings.
Bomi and Chorong approached me. But for now, I couldn't care less of what's happening around me. All I know is that Baekhyun and I would have a 5% for now. I smile at the words he left me. "..yeah" I reply late to him even when I know he can't even hear me.
______________________________________________________________________________
Two weeks has passed since I last confessed to Baek. Ever since then, he notices me more and we even chat on Line. I constantly give him chocolate which he finds-- I think -- uncomfortable or weird but nevertheless, I still give him some.
There was this time when I was walking alone with a lot of papers to submit to the teachers. I couldn't see what's in front because of the big pile. I end up bumping him and he offered to help me. Of course, I couldn't say "no". Boy, my heart was beating fast. Although there were time when we're so awkward and times when he seems like he doesn't know me at all. And it makes me feel like I have no chance at all.
"Hey, is this seat taken?" I heard a guy's voice from my left. I was at the library, reading or somehow thinking about a lot of things. I actually go here a lot to cool down because this is the only public place at school where there's air-conditioning.
"No." I turn to the left. "Baekhyun." I see him standing right there, about to sit right beside me. Why is he here? What's he doing? Why is he sitting beside me of all places? Why does he smell so good?
"I hope I'm not disturbing or anything." he says as he casually faces me with that half smile, little twinkling eyes and hot messy hair.
"No, I was just thinking about you-l" I say, unconsciously. Keep it cool, Eunji.
Baekhyun furrows his brows. He was confused and I'm losing the cool. "About what?" He asks with a little chuckle in between. His face turned back to a smiling one
"School. I said "school"." I nervously say. My heart was thumping fast and I could feel my nerves twitching. Please let this end nicely for me just once.
He nods once and mouths "Ah". He was the cutest thing ever. "Do you ever consider auditioning in entertainment companies?"
"Huh?" My jaw drops at his question. That was out of topic but he was trying to make conversation. I could tell. I wish I could survive this without a hint of blushing.
"You sing well." He says then clears his throat. "Neoreul wihaeseo neomaneul wihaeseo. Nan sesang modeun geol da angyeo jujineun motajiman." he sings a song familiar to me. And wow, he also has beautiful voice.
I start to remember the song. My mom used to sing that in the karoake with my dad. Its title was "All for you."
I smile at him sheepishly. I don't know why. I was used to people hearing me sing but this time, with him, I felt so nervous.
"Nan neoegeman ije yaksokhalge" I sing to him softly. We were careful enough to not get caught being noisy.
"Ojik neoreul wihan naega doelge" As I continue, he harmonizes with me. With that, we both giggle to each other.
I look at him. "Maybe you should audition." I and poke him shoulder with mine.
He lets out a smile. "We'll audition then."
My jaw drops with a shocked face. Then he chuckles softly. "I'm just kidding."
>Baekhyun
I was on the way home again with Suho. It was a quiet way there as Suho was looking around, happy looking and I was texting Eunji. I got her number a few hours ago at the library.
"My mom's carrying a big box of clothes, I feel like she's going to gain big muscles soon." I read her text silently and chuckle a bit. She has so much interesting stories and she never runs out of anything to say.
"What's that?" Suho tried peeking over my phone. I move away from him a bit.
Before I could reply, I adjusted the brightness to 1 in order for him not to see. "Hahaha. Are you sure it's not you? I mean look at your arms." I typed in and send to her. "It's nothing. Just Eunji."
"Ahh," Suho smiled sheepishly. I face his smug face and spanked it lightly. "Just Eunji?"
I nod and locked my phone then slipped it inside my pocket. "We've been getting to know each other."
"Do you like her?" my friend tilts his head while smiling.
Do I like her? I'm not really interested, still. She's nice, funny and different from all the girls I met before but I just can't really push myself into liking her. Not just yet.
My phone vibrates and I immediately get it. "I don't" I say as I look at the screen.
"How dare you! At least I don't have skinny arms like you." says her reply.
"Yeah right." Suho was in disbelief. And I just shook my head as a reply to him.
______________________________________________________________________________
A month later, my friendship with Eunji grew. She became more open and I become more comfortable around her. I'd tutor her in Math and she'd still give me gifts of some sort which I got used to. One day, I decided to give her one. Just to say thank you.
It was lunch time when I decided to give her my gift. I told her to meet me at the school garden.
As I arrive, I see her long straight hair. She was facing behind and was quietly sitting on the bench. I smile as I look at the gifts I prepared for her. My limbs took me to her and I softly tap her on her shoulder.
Eunji turns her head to look at me. Her eyes shifted to the gift and she giggles. "Surprise." I say to her with not much emotions but I sure was smiling.
She stood up and walked around the bench to go near me. "Aw, you shouldn't have."
Her hands reached for the teddy bear holding a box of chocolate as I let go of. "Seriously, you shouldn't have. I'm on a diet."
I frown. "Oh, then.. I'll just take it ba-" I felt pretty sad and embarrassed.
"Kidding." She giggles and hugs the bear. Then and there, I felt something strange.
Yes, I was relieved that she was only messing with me. But there was something else. Her lips and the way her eyes smiles with it, it makes my heart pound like crazy. Am I starting like you, Eunji?
>Eunji
"Do you think he likes you already?"
"Does he speak about his feelings?"
"Will he confess to you soon?"
Questions filled my room by Chorong and Bomi who were staring at the stuffed bear Baekhyun gave me. Today was amazing. But I can't help wonder if Baekhyun feels the same way about me.
I was just staring at the ceiling while laying down. My friends approached my and appeared in front of my face. "EUNJI!"
My eyes simultaneously look at the two. "What?"
"Does Baekhyun know?" Chorong says. Bomi lets out a worried look.
I sat up quickly and furrow my brows. "Know what?"
"THAT YOU'RE LEAVING!" They shout at the same time which made me wince.
"Did you both have to shout?" I snap at them and shot a glare.
Bomi bit her lip but smiles eventually. "Sorry" says Chorong and touches my hand. "Well does he?"
"No." I say to them confidently. "So what if he doesn't know?"
"Don't you think you're going to lead him on? Since he maybe developing a crush on you but you're going to leave him anyway." Chorong explains which knocked my head like a big debris. Oh boy, this is bad.
______________________________________________________________________________
Baek, we need to talk.
What is it?
Please don't be mad at me.
Why would I be?
Because I didn't tell you earlier.
That? Please don't tell me you're actually a boy HAHAHA
You're crazy HAHAHA. No
Then what is it?
I'm going to Japan in a month.
You're kidding, right?
I'm serious. Even if I die right now.
Why didn't you tell me?
I thought you didn't need to know
You won't come back?
I won't unless a miracle happens
Oh
We can still hang, right friend?
Friend?
Fine, buddy then.
And after that, he doesn't reply anymore.
______________________________________________________________________________
Baekhyun has been ignoring me. Something I was afraid to happen. My nightmares came to life. And it was affecting me big time. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't answer my calls nor my texts, he doesn't even look at me anymore. Every time I look at him, it's just not the same. He doesn't look the same. He looked like the Baekhyun tgat didn't know I exist but only colder. I asked Suho about it and he told me that Baekhyun was nothing but quiet when they walk home together. What did I ever do wrong? Did I really lead him on?
"It's been days, Eunji. What happened?" Suho asks me as we were seated at the cafeteria.
I couldn't answer him. I was too distracted about how I feel and answering my own questions. My heart is missing something. It's not happy without him. But why do I feel like he's fine without me?
A tear escapes my eye. And another from the other eye.
"Eunji?" Suho calls. I can hear but I can't see anything. It's all a blur.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I hear Bomi's voice.
I smile and wipe my tears with my hands, avoiding the sadness. "It's cool. I'm cool."
"He's looking at you, Eunji." Chorong says out of the blue.
I did not dare to look back if it was true. I stood up and exited the cafeteria.
>Baekhyun
"That's weird. Eunji cries for no reason for several days now." Suho opens up a topic. It's been 10 minutes of silence and including the past week. That's 20 minutes of walking a day so 190 minutes of pure silence when i'm with Suho.
I don't want to know why and how many times Eunji cried. I don't want to care anymore. It doesn't even matter now.
I hear a cellphone ringtone from somewhere. Suho digs up something from his blazer and it was his phone ringing. He answers it.
"Hey, what's up?" He says. And we just continue walking.
"I can't hear you. Why are you whispering?" He continues to talk on the phone.
He stops. "What? In the 5th avenue alley?"
I look at him with a blank face. He looks rather worried than excited. 5th avenue is filled with bars and gangs. It was a place for adults or teens who have a messed up life.
"Why are you there? Don't tell me you took the shortcut." Suho now looks disappointed.
"Hang on, Eunji--"
Then the other word were not important anymore. I heard her name. I heard 5th avenue alley and she was whispering. It was no doubt she was in trouble. Before Suho could still babble and hang up. I was already running to the place.
"Baekhyun!! Where are you going?" I heard Suho shout but I didn't have time to answer to that.
I need to know where Eunji is. I need to know how she is. I need to know what's happening. I need her to be safe.
>Eunji
"Suho, you have to be here please." I panic and hang up on him. Some drunk group of students, who look older than I am, were in the alley I'm passing by to take a shortcut home. They suddenly followed me and now they surrounded me.
They were talking to me but I was ignoring them. I tried to think of happy thoughts. I've never been this scared and shaky in my entire life until now. They smell like alcohol with a mixture of cigarettes and they were wobbly but there eyesight ain't so bad. If I run, they will eventually pull me. I'm not too good at track and field anyway. Suho, where are you?
One of the guys tried to go near me and grabbed me by the arm. I try to shake him pff but he won't let go. "Go away!" I yell at him.
The other guy grabbed my other arm and they pinned me to the wall. This is it, This is the end of my life. "HEEEELP!" I called, hoping someone would hear me.
"Oh shut up" the third guy says and wraps his whole hand around my neck, trying to strangle me.
"Hey man, don't waste a pretty face." I hear one say. I feel so violated right now. What more if they do something worse.
A shadow appeared before us. "Hey!"
My heart stopped the moment I saw his face. It was Baekhyun. He was standing right there. He came to my rescue. Wait, how did that happen? Did I dial the wrong number?
Baekhyun begins to punch the guys in ever part he can reach. Their face, stomach and yes, even the crotch but he would knee them. "You guys," he kicks the guy ,who was holding my neck, on the face.
"Can hurt me," He elbows the guy on my left. "Abuse me," he hits the guy on my life with a wooden box conveniently placed in the alley.
Two guys tried to approach Baekhyun from behind. "Baek! Behind you!"
He swiftly faces behind him and flips the two over. "Or even try to kill me."
Then the guy who tried to suffocate me grabbed me by the arm and forcefully walks away, pulling me with him. "Baekhyun!" I called his attention.
He runs to me, pulls me away from the man with ease and kicks his crotch. The guy finally passes out. "But for the love of God, don't touch her."
I look at him, surprised at his words. Did he really mean those?
"Don't ever go here again." He wipes the blood on his forehand away with his polo. I was about to say something but he walks away, coldly.
"Hey!" I tried to stop him. He eventually does. "Thank you." I say to him.
He nods once and continues walking away from me.
"Wait" I chase him.
He faces me with a poker face. The atmosphere felt cold as soon as I saw him. "What?" He says.
"What was that?" I was confused. He says those things and save me then he walks away just like that. I think it was quite crazy.
He tilts his head. "That was just to show them not to mess with you anymore."
"Oh," There I go again, assuming he likes me. "Why are you ignoring me? It's been a week."
"I don't want to be near you."
My heart broke into million pieces. The feelings came rushing down into tears. "What?"
"You heard me," he looks at me in the eyes. "I don't want you in my life."
The tears just continue flowing down and escaping my eyes. "You didn't really-" I was so speechless.
His face was still cold. This is not him. It's not him. "Stop fantasizing over me now."
"Y'know.." I inhale deeply. "I thought you almost like me. I thought you almost want to be more than friends.."
"Well, almost is never enough." He looks down. "Good bye, Eunji."
______________________________________________________________________________
Every time I remember last year, when I met Byun Baekhyun, I smile instead of being a bitter little lady. He has taught me that you should never be shy around who you like, he taught me that giving up isn't an option but he also taught me pain was just a lesson learned. It's nothing we should be afraid of experiencing.
It's been 5 months since I moved to Japan. Things changed but my feelings for him hasn't. I wanted to prove Baekhyun wrong. Almost is just the start. It doesn't end with just an 'almost'. I'll do well in Japan and move back to Korea to live on my own at College.
"Yoon Bomi" I read the name that popped out on my phone. I slid the green button to answer.
"Hey, Bomi." I greet her.
"Eunji-ah, I miss you." I could see her pouty face from here. I chuckle at the thought.
I took a deep breath. "I miss you too. How is it there?"
"Y'know what? Suho and Chorong have been dating." She says
My jaw drops in disbelief. "I never would've imagined." I giggle and I hear her giggle too.
"Baekhyun's now a heartthrob because of you. They start to notice him too."
I smile upon hearing his name. "How is he?"
"He's waiting for you."
"If I would have known that you wanted me, the way I wanted you then maybe we woundn't be two worlds apart but right here in each others arms."
-Almost is Never Enough by Ariana Grande and Nathan Sykes.
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