A/N: Hi! I chose to place an author's note here to avoid confusion. I didn't originally intend for Sehun to make another appearance in Jongin's life, but well...he does. So I slightly edited the last part of the previous chapter.

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Jongin knew after what happened with Sehun that he wasn’t allowed to fall in love. His mom had passed off the incident, like any other closed-minded, oblivious adult, as a mere phase in his teenage life. He spent his remaining high school years distancing himself from potential friends and in turn, potential heartbreak. He went home straight after class, joined no extracurricular organizations, and ditched whatever school event wasn’t mandatory. Basically, he just studied.

Basically, he was dead inside.

His mom was reminded of his early years when he’d refuse to make friends with any of the other kids in class, only this time she didn’t dare invite anyone to their house. A bitter aftertaste still lingered on her tongue from the last time Jongin had someone over. She did not particularly enjoy that her son had turned into a hermit of sorts, but it was still a more pleasant alternative. So this time, she left him alone.

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Having a nonexistent social life had its advantages, being that it paved the way for Jongin to acquire excellent marks on all his subjects and which sealed his entry to one of the nation’s elite universities. His mom was genuinely thrilled at him for the first time in ages and even took him out to celebrate. When they broached the topic of lodging however, she reverted to her overprotective and cold self, shooting down the idea of Jongin living in the dorms even before he’d suggested it. She reasoned that their home was not too far from school and that he’d be more comfortable that way, but Jongin knew exactly why she seemed adamant in her decision: she was still wary of placing Jongin in closed quarters with another boy,

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Jongin knew the world was not as small as people made it out to be, yet he couldn’t shrug off the hope that maybe Sehun had gone to the same school as him and that they’d bump into each other eventually. So as furtively as possible, he would scan his eyes over the other students in the hallways, the auditorium, or even in the classroom where he should instead have paid attention to his professor. Every night he would utter a silent prayer to cross paths with the boy who still held his heart, if for nothing else but to apologize and obtain closure.

Averse as he was to any activity remotely athletic, Jongin was certain that had Sehun enrolled in the same school, he would have tried out for and made the football team. So for the first match of the season, he’d gotten good tickets, fingers crossed and trembling in hopeful anticipation.

And there he was.

Jongin froze when he caught sight of the goalie who was undoubtedly Sehun. He’d lost weight and gotten significantly taller, but those same piercing eyes and sharp bone structure assured Jongin that he indeed had found the person he was looking for. He counted the long, dragging minutes until the game ended, not sure what to say but just knowing that they needed to talk.

He waited for the crowd to disperse before making his way to the team’s lockers. As he’d dreaded but expected, he was denied entry. Never having felt more persistent in his life, he tried to convince the guard that he was a friend of Sehun’s. He didn’t even succeed in convincing himself. But his sincerity, laced with desperation, must have shown clear on his face because at least the man went to fetch Sehun for him.

When the younger boy met his gaze and a flash of recognition stretched across his features, his mouth went agape just as Jongin’s had when he caught sight of Sehun on the football field earlier. The overwhelming shock soon dissipated to leave confusion then anger then caution in its trail. Grasping for anything to say when he’d rather be grasping the other’s hand and pulling him close, Jongin muttered a breathless “Hi.” Failing to induce a response, he threw all formalities and inhibitions in the air and let the words flow from the deepest crevices of his heart, where only pure and honest thoughts linger. “I missed you.”

Face finally assuming its default hard expression, Sehun bit back, “You could not have. You could not have missed me if you bothered to find me. Heck, you didn’t even have to look! Because I was right where you’d left me.”

“I couldn’t have gone to you.”

“Of course. Mom had you tied up? Convinced you I was a mistake?”

“I just couldn’t. But I’m here now.”

At this last statement, Sehun could only bite his lip, failing to stifle the flurry of emotions that threatened to spill to the surface and undermine the veil of stoicism concealing his pain. “So what? Do you expect me to take you back? Just when I’d finally moved on?”

The revelation disheartened Jongin, although he saw through the lie. If Sehun had truly moved on, he wouldn’t be the sobbing mess he was now. “I just wanted to apologize and give us closure.”

“You have. At least now I know you didn’t just disappear off the face of the earth. Can I leave? Can you leave?”

Willing his entire being not to show how distraught he was, Jongin turned around to take his leave, but paused when he still felt Sehun frozen in his spot; tear-stained eyes boring holes through his back. “One last thing: I never got to say goodbye.”

Before he could properly make his way out, he heard Sehun whisper, “Maybe because we’re not yet meant to.”

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Hearts forgetting years of pain, the two fell back to their carefree bond. Yes they’d gotten hurt, but now they had the opportunity to stopper the bleeding gashes in their hearts, and that required them to let go of all resentment. It was easier than they’d thought, with any remaining ounce of frustration washed away with each smile directed toward them. They knew better and kept their relationship privy to just the two of them.

But his mother would sometimes catch him suppressing a smile when he came home, raising suspicion over the drastic change from his then somber demeanor. She kept her worries to herself, but when she’d overheard Jongin talking excitedly on the phone through the door, she barged in his bedroom mid-call; venom in her eyes making Jongin blanch and drop his phone. Sehun’s frantic shouts were heard through the speaker, leaving no question as to who he was conversing with. Before he could intercept her, his mom had walked over to his side of the bed and stamped a foot hard on his phone, shattering the screen further with every violent and passionate stomp.

“Freak! So that’s why you’ve been so happy lately.”

“I am not a freak! And I won’t let you keep me from anyone this time, mom.”

“I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t go running off to some boy!”

“What did you expect? I’m gay.”

“You take that back, Kim Jongin.”

“Do you honestly hear yourself right now? Take it back? I’m sorry but there’s no refund on uality.”

“Oh, please. Get over yourself, Jongin. When are you going to grow out of this phase?”

“Phase? This isn’t temporary, mom. I’m gay and there’s nothing you can do about it. Trust me, I’ve tried. If only it was a choice, I would want to be straight in a heartbeat – to be “normal” as you put it. No one would willingly decide to be shunned and judged and ridiculed every single day. No one would willingly choose to be hated by his own mother!”

“I did not raise a monster.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Leave.”

“No. No, you can’t.”

“Leave.”

“Mom, I’m still your son. Please don’t do this.”

“I’m going out now. And when I come back, I expect you to be gone or else I will personally you to the door.”

“Where am I supposed to go?”

“Why don’t you try that boy you’re so obsessed with? Come back when you’re better.”

Jongin stopped pleading and started packing. But before his mom could leave for the hallway, he retorted, “No. I’ll come back when you’re better. Because if there’s any monster in this house, it’s the mother who turns her back on her son.”

And those were the very last words exchanged between them.

Jongin didn’t get to say goodbye.

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“Jongin, Jongin, wake up.”

The said man stirs from his slumber, tachycardia and sweat greeting him as he gains consciousness. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo places a finger to his chapped lips to put a stop to any more unnecessary apologies. This is far from the first time that he has had to wake Jongin up from his nightmares. He also knows it’s always the same scene that replays in his head, as evidenced by his constant screams of “No, I’m not a freak.” However, he’s still yet to know exactly what it is that haunts his boyfriend in his sleep; not wanting to prod at what is surely a sensitive issue. Instead, he grabs the small towel from their bedside table and wipes at Jongin’s glistening forehead and neck.

“You know I’d never pressure you into telling me, but maybe talking about your nightmares might help put a stop to them? I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me that you wake up like this almost every night, because it honestly concerns me. I want to bring you solace even when you sleep.”

“My mom threw me out when I was in college.”

Realization dawns on Kyungsoo’s face and he leans back on the mattress, pulling Jongin to his chest, leafing one hand through his tangled hair, and rubbing comforting circles on his back with the other.

“Something about me being gay. I moved in with Sehun, but then I started to feel more like a burden than a boyfriend to him. I started working as a barista at a nearby café to help out with the bills, trying to save up so I could finish my education. One day, I overheard these guys talking about how they needed a guitarist for their band, so I came up to them. I guess I don’t have to tell you what came next.”

“When did you learn to play anyway? You never mentioned it when you opened up about your childhood.”

“Oh, that. Some time in high school, after we’d moved houses. I was bored, browsed random videos online, and then next thing you know I was watching a tutorial on YouTube and asking my mom to buy me a guitar. She was grateful that I showed interest in something besides boys.”

Kyungsoo chuckles at the sardonic humor. At least he thinks it was meant to be funny. “So you joined their band. What happened to Sehun?”

“I moved out. I think sometime during my stay at their house, he started to lose interest in me and was just being polite. That’s kinda why I was so hesitant about moving in with you.”

The older nods weakly as understanding sets in. After they’d been dating for a while, he decided to ask Jongin to live with him. Previously, he’d been rooming with two of his bandmates, and frequently complained about how rowdy they were.

“Was it your mom you saw at the café? That’s why you fainted?” Kyungsoo knows that was one question Jongin might not want to respond to, but months of pent-up curiosity have him itching to finally extract some answers.

“Yeah.”

“Do you think it’d give you closure to talk to her? At least one last time?”

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t know where to find her. She sold our house shortly after she kicked me out. I guess it finally registered how large and empty it was for just one woman.”

“But if you did, would you do it?”

“Honestly, no. We’re so much more at ease when we’re apart. I can be honest about who I am and what I want, and she doesn’t have to worry about her son doing what she fears she might. It’s less toxic.”

Kyungsoo knows that people lie about their feelings, especially ones that hint at deep and painful truths. But hearing Jongin just now, there’s only honesty in his words. He doesn’t want to see his mother not because he still resents her, but because he knows it’s for the best. When two people drift apart, they’re not always meant to reunite. Sometimes, they just drift apart.

“Do you think the nightmares will stop now that you’ve talked about it?”

“Will you still be here even if they don’t?”

“Yeah, I will. And just so you know,” Kyungsoo leans in to whisper in the other’s ear, “You’re not a freak.”

Jongin realizes that he doesn’t need those words to come out of his mother’s mouth for closure. Just hearing them from anyone, from someone he loves, from Kyungsoo, the love of his life –

This is his closure.

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A/N: I am really sorry about how late this chapter was finished; I didn't know where to go with the story. And I am also really sorry that it's suddenly too fast. I hope it isn't too difficult to read. :(