We were still up late night exchanging some sweet messages on our phones. We both know we are both tired because of the tight schedule we have these past few weeks, but I can’t be put to sleep without hearing him singing to my favorite song, which he always does without fail. Then I brought up to him a clumsy idea—of having a “date” tomorrow. I thought he would decline since that was the only day we can have a chance to take a break, but he happily accepted the offer. It gave me jitters. I became excited that even after he sang me a song and promised to have some sleep so that we can properly rest even for some few hours, I didn’t. After taking a power nap (about half an hour), I went to my mom constantly nagging her to help me cook his favorite food. But she doesn’t budge. I can’t blame her. Being an old woman, she cannot stay long enough to barely last for a day. I came to the kitchen looking for the available things that I can find, only to find out that I can only make kimbap, some sandwiches and some marinated pork. I hurriedly looked for simple recipes on the internet. Being a bad cook as I am, I did the best I can to make it look and taste good. I finished all the preparations in 4 hours, but I felt I didn’t do anything, although I feel kinda dizzy. I sent a message at around 4:30 in the morning, hoping he will read it as early as possible.

“Come pick me up here a little later.”

Not long after, a message came asking what time should he pick me up. I think he didn’t get some sleep, too. I asked him to come as early as possible since it was a weekday. We should be avoiding the morning traffic. As I was waiting, I prepared other things we might need on our date—picnic mat, utensils, some change of clothes (you might not know if we get wet and sweaty), the portable stove (for the pork), and some emergency money. It’s all set.

He came with his car, wearing layers of clothes under a thick fur jacket since it was still very cold in this early spring. He was surprised that I was able to prepare a lot in such a short notice, but jokingly adds that it must taste bad. I gave him a good hit on his head. We both laughed. I offered him some hot packs, but declined as he insisted that I might need it more than he does. He opened the car door for me, making sure I was being comfortable. As soon as he got in, we noticed each other’s eyes both with dark circles under them. We chuckled. I asked him if he could drive though since it seemed like he didn’t take a nap. He said that he didn’t get much sleep either, but can stay awake for the rest of the drive. Just to be sure, I told him that if he feels something bad, he should give me the wheels.

“It’s okay. Just rest. It’s less than an hour drive anyway.” He said with a smile. I didn’t decline his offer. He didn’t let me hold the wheels the whole time. A gentle kiss on my forehead brought me up to my senses. He said to my ear in a low voice, “We’re here.”

It was a sight to see. Although it was only 6:30, it was still dark. The hints of sunlight let us see the beauty of a calm ocean. A soft breeze blew as soon as we got out of the car. It was not harsh enough to give up going outside; it was refreshing enough to make us awake. Since it was still early, we decided to take a walk by the shore, exchanging stories that we both never had the chance to hear from each other. We laughed on our jokes, get angry with our teasing, and felt low with our sad stories. We didn’t notice that it was already an hour that passed by. We returned to the car to get something to eat.

It was a place that is somewhat excluded. So we are not expecting any people coming around, especially on a weekday. We sat beside each other, feeding ourselves with the food that I prepared. I was really nervous that time, thinking that he might not like the food that I prepared. But looking on how he ate happily, I feel relieved. As I was taking a sip of my favorite coffee, he suddenly rested on my lap, saying that I should let him rest. I just smile. I brushed his hair while I was humming randomly. It didn’t take too long to put him to sleep. I understand. We are both tired. I gave him a small kiss on his forehead, to his nose, to his lips.

We were just like that. We don’t hear any other noise but the waves of the ocean and the wind that from time to time comes to us. It was very peaceful.

As soon as he woke up, he asked me if he have been sleeping for a long time already. I told him that he were just sleeping for about an hour. He thought that he was already sleeping for hours. I asked him to get off my lap as it was dead for already an hour since he rested on my lap. He hurriedly got up and gave me an apologetic face. I just smile. I found it cute. I said to him to just wait for him because I’ll just get something inside the car. He just answered with a nod, then stretched his whole body. I rushed towards the car to look for something. When I got back to him, I showed him a thing that I’ve been wanting to do with him—a kite. He stood up on his place saying that he hasn’t done kite flying for ages. We stood far from each other, with him holding the kite and I holding the string. It took us a lot of tries to make it fly (the wind is strangely weak that day). As soon as we made it fly, we settled down back near or car.

He then asked me why did I bring a kite. I answered, “I’ve always wanted to become a pilot. I want the feeling of being on and with the air. It makes me feel alive and flying. My father said that if I want to become a pilot, I should know how to make a kite fly.” He was amazed with my answer, but saying nothing after that. It seemed that he was thinking of something. I was right.

“Want to go bungee?”

I thought he was just joking. I know that he is very afraid of heights. But his insisting eyes proved me wrong. “Are you sure?” He just nodded.

We found ourselves driving along the highway an hour before noon. It was rather sunny, making the weather nice. We arrive at the bungee place only to see a lot of people.

“Maybe it’s a bad idea going here.”

But he pulled me to the queue line. A lot of people were surprised to see us out of nowhere. Being as modest as we are, we allowed them to take some pictures with us before we do the jump.

A surge of people came in minutes after the news of us being in this bungee place. You can hear all the shouting even in the top deck. I was nervous, but seeing him more nervous than I am makes me want to stop the bungee.

“It’s okay. You’re here. I’m not scared.”

Those words kept me motivated on keeping him safe and feeling a little less nervous. As we were waiting on the stage, I looked at him again. His expression was really funny. It’s something you cannot describe. To give him that feeling of safety, I held his hand tight, saying to him that it’s going to be okay.

“Is there anything you want to say before you jump?”, asked the facilitator before he finished up his preparations.

“I do.”

At the top of my lungs, I drove all my shyness away living on that moment.

“Kim Jongdae! Chen! I love you!”

(A/N: Even the author would not imagine him writing this line.)

I didn’t care what the others might think, but I tried not to look at him after all the embarrassment came in, but a tight hug answered me. Without any word, he pushed me away and looked at the river for one more time. He took a deep breath, and said that he’s ready. At the signal of the countdown, we prepared ourselves.

“3…

“2…

“1…

“BUNGEE!”

We jumped with our bodies close together, screaming while we are falling on a seemingly endless flight. It felt good, especially that I did it with him.

When we got down from the bungee, he cannot stand up properly. I laughed at him, offering him some water as it seemed his throat became dry. All the people crowded around us cheering us on. Pictures were taken endlessly. I supported him while we were walking towards our car. The people were kind enough to let us go without having any problems or casualties.

“How was it?”

“Remember me not to do that again.”

I smiled.

I offered the drive since it would seem dangerous if I let him drive. We went to a whole lot other places, taking pictures here and there, buying food that looked delicious, buying some couple stuff—everything a couple does on a usual date. Before we went back to our dorm, we watched a movie first, only that I found myself being a laughing stock in front of him since I easily get scared when watching horror movies.

“That’s for the bungee jump. Now we’re even.”

We arrived at the dorm meeting nobody. The others were probably enjoying themselves. It might as well be good if we two enjoy the moment alone in each other’s presence.

[Background: Almost – Tamia]

Can you tell me how can one miss what she’s never had? How could I reminisce when there is no past?

But it was too damn good to be true.

How could I have memories of being happy with you boy? Can someone tell me how can this be?

I found myself staring blankly outside the windows one cloudy winter morning imagining such things. The skies couldn’t be as darker as now. As I was waiting for my morning coffee to be fixed, I was holding my phone to call on some of my friends.

How could my mind pull up incidents, recall dates and times that never happened?

“Suho, where should we meet?”, the man on the other line asked in a low voice.

“The dorm.”

How could we celebrate a love that’s too late and how could I really mean the words I’m about to say?

My hand keeps on dialling some numbers, making sure I never missed one of our friends and family.

I missed the times that we almost shared. I miss the love that was almost there.

As I was putting on my suit, I can’t help but to blame myself. It should have been better if we fought a lot back then.

I miss the times that we used to kiss. At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce.

If that happened, you would not be coming with me. I shouldn’t have been the only one that left. If we didn’t get along, at least we could become friends. That way, I can still see you.

I miss the times that we never had. What happened to us? We were almost there.

If I knew this would happen, I would have been bolder to you, trying not to hold and hide anything back and enjoy what we were facing in each moment.

Whoever said it’s impossible to miss when you never had…

This life I’m living right now seemed meaningless. I wake up every morning not seeing your smile. It felt I lost everything in the world. No. I’ve lost my world.

Never almost had you.

It’s the 49^th day since you left me. I think it would take me a long time to get over you. I know you can see me somewhere beyond the galaxy. Until now I still pray that I have the chance to see you.

And you seem to be the perfect one for me. You.

To hug you.

You’re all that I ever wanted, and you’re my everything yes it’s true.

To kiss you. To do all these things I've been imagining with you.

Boy it’s hard to be close to you. My love,

I know you don’t want to see me like this. But, I can’t help myself. I know…

I know it may sound crazy, but…

I’m in love with you.

I know for myself that it was with you that I had the best days of my life.