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Honestly, the day after I post that oneshot the repackage album came out and I was like why did I even make a playlist when Promise just sums everything up really.

A/N: Of Ramblings, Explanations, and Clarifications

There wasn’t (or at least I hope) too many in-depth situations that I felt needed clarification but I just wanted to shed a little light onto why I wrote certain parts the way they are and discuss themes and whatnot. If you still have questions afterwards, do feel free to leave a comment and I’d be glad to answer them ^~^

The first section that you read where Yixing and Minseok are lying on the patient’s bed is when they are already at the camp near the battlefield, several days before their sector departs for battle. The main foreshadowing from the intro is the last thing Yixing says:

“You were my biggest mistake, but by no means will you ever be any regret.”

He considers Minseok to be his biggest mistake because out of all his life decisions, he had never expected to fall in love, especially with one of the men that would lead over hundreds and thousands of men onto the battlefield and fight for not just their country, but also their lives. Yixing is the type of person that will keep all his emotions bottled up, and the amount of anxiety and stress he developed when worrying about Minseok was very significant, although not hinted at too much.

The rest of the story is in chronological order, although there are definitely time skips between some of the sections, like after Yifan welcomes Yixing to his new job and when Yixing first meets Minseok. The entire story happens through a span of many months, probably more than a year or two, towards the end of World War II.

Yifan is Yixing’s old childhood friend, whose father was an officer of the military and also the reason Yixing and Yifan had to “keep in touch” due to Yifan’s father constantly being moved around and whatnot.

The physical examination scene isn’t particularly noteworthy until right after Minseok leaves. Just as Yixing is about to pick up and look through Misneok’s medical records, he hears Sehun being hit out in the hallway, and he completely forgets about the file, which is also why he doesn’t know about the hemophilia until later on.

Sehun’s role in this story in particular is just utterly heartbreaking in my opinion. I had originally thought about making him a spy from the other army and before he’s killed after being discovered, Yixing comes in and saves him and all that, but I decided that the current plotline suited the story and his character much more. In essence, Sehun is the theme. I’ll explain that a little later on.

The reason the two higher ranked officers are beating Sehun isn’t just a petty jealousy. While Sehun is definitely a hardworking and well trained soldier that shows a lot of potential on the battlefield, Luhan and Yifan, being two of Minseok’s closest friends and higher ranked than the Korean, know about Sehun and his relationship (or lack thereof) with Minseok. To an extent, Luhan and Yifan quietly watch over Sehun for Minseok, who is unable to do so openly due to his shame from the words he said to Sehun before, as well as other personal reasons.

Those two officers, and possibly others as well, notice Luhan watching Sehun with an informal expression (because Luhan is possibly the least subtle piece of in the world) and automatically assume that Sehun is trying to get in the captain’s favor through ual favors. In the military, due the lack of women, men often secretly engage in ual activity to control raging hormones and libidos.

I wasn’t able to find a specific ranking to place army physicians in compared to all the other officials, but I know they aren’t particularly high.

Okay I’m going to get a little personal here, I ing love the shade Minseok throws at those two officers, it just makes me smile every time.

Minseok is surprised and intrigued by Yixing’s response because of how easily the doctor forgives. That’s one of the main themes that I’ll elaborate more on now.

Forgiveness is one of the most important concepts that are shown all throughout the story. Minseok is unable to forgive himself when he once was unable to forgive Sehun for the resentment he held against his father, and Yixing’s words strike a chord in his heart several times, from his easy going reaction to the two officials beating on Sehun to what he tells Misneok after Sehun is dismissed from the room. Minseok sees Yixing as an incredibly brave and strong individual, more so than himself, because of his ability to look past people’s faults and forgive them. However, at the end of the story, you realize that Yixing and Minseok, as well as Sehun, are one in the same because they are all unable to forgive one last person: themselves.

Another bit of foreshadowing comes from when Minseok tells Yixing that Sehun’s downfall will come from his loyalty, something that sets off the domino effect that leads to Minseok’s death. Zitao, though he isn’t mentioned except that one time, is a private along with Zitao, and they are good friends (Taohun bromance ftw). Sehun has a very protective streak regarding Zitao and hearing his scream echo across the battlefield sets him off.

His loyalty also comes into play when he returns to Yixing office several days later. He is thankful to the doctor and wants to something for him, though they end up becoming close as well later on. The establishment of their relationship is also what later spurs Minseok to visit Yixing’s office in the end, curiosity coupled with the desire to see the doctor that he’s tried not to think about for the past few weeks.

The Minseok and Yixing interaction is something I absolutely adored writing, from their playful banter to awkward interactions. They aren’t a dynamic couple that you usually see in most fics, but they manage to balance each other out just fine. Minseok finds Yixing’s inability to lie extremely endearing and Yixing can’t help but be enraptured by the ice cold lieutenant that slowly melts away into a goof in his presence.

Minseok and Sehun’s relationship is something I wished I had more time to elaborate on, but there just wasn’t an appropriate place or time really. Hemophilia is carried through the X chromosome and Minseok’s mother was a carrier, meaning she had hemophilia in one of her X chromosomes, but not the other, meaning she didn’t have the disease. Minseok got that unfortunate chromosome when he was born, and coupled with his father’s Y chromosome, he was diagnosed with hemophilia. Sehun, on the other hand, didn’t have the disease because his mother was perfectly healthy, and Minseok admittedly developed a small envy over this.

It’s shown how he is unable to acknowledge Sehun when he refers to the younger as “my father’s son” throughout the fic, until the very end, when he says “I will not let my brother…”, and this is one of the root causes of Sehun’s tears and breakdown.

It’s a simple coincidence how Sehun has the same blood type as Minseok, but it’s true that a family member with the same blood type is more effective than a stranger with the same blood type. Yifan’s blood type is O, the universal donor, but due to Minseok’s already fragile condition and his hemophilia, using his blood for the blood transfusion would be utterly ineffective. Giving a Minseok a blood transfusion would send blood cells with the ability to clot into Minseok’s bloodstream and would help reduce blood loss. This is a common treatment for hemophiliacs.

I reused the “Yixing steps out of a Jeep” line for a starking contrast of when he first joined the army and after he left. The mention of Rao Shu Teahouse (Forgiveness Teahouse) is rather self-explanatory but also ironic in the fact that while Sehun and Yixing reunite in that setting, they are still unable to forgive their own selves. However, they are different, because Sehun still has Kyungsoo to piece his broken self back together and Yixing does not.

Sorry to leave it on that note, but you know…. ANGST.

If you actually made it this far… wow. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this fic and just bless you all for existing. If you would like something a bit more uplifting, I do have other fics. The one I’m currently working on is sure to lift your spirits, it’s called Perks Of Being A Unicorn (*cough* a little harmless self-promoting never hurt anyone XD).

This was my first time writing angst and it hurt like hell, but it was a fun experience! I'll definitely update you all if I plan to have a Sesoo or Krishan sequel so please do look forward to it ^~^

Less than three,

PalmerPie